My Protector | His Angel

Chapter 26: Duty Calls

Killian's POV

Loren's gentle hand wrapped itself around mine. Her skin was smooth and soft, her thumb rubbed itself against the hard callouses of my own.

The room remained silent after I finished updating her on my life.

"How many-" Loren paused and bit her lip.

"How many people have I killed?" I finished the sentence for her, knowing exactly what she was wanting to ask. She nodded. "Six myself"

"Yourself?" She questioned.

"Six with my own hands, if you aren't counting the people I have had others do. That number, I do not know."

Loren shut her eyes and sighed. I wasn't sure if this was a sigh of relief, or if she was expecting me to say none. If I'm being honest, six was as close to zero as I could get. I didn't kill anybody if I didn't need to after the first. As much as I wished it was easy for me, it simply wasn't. It made my body physically sick.

"Are you in danger now?" She asked. Such a naive question.

"I'm always in danger Loren. But am I in enough danger to be scared? No."

She nodded her head slowly. " How are George and Edward?"

I smiled as she asked about two of my most loyal men.

"They're great, but how about you come ask them yourself? Stay with me Loren."

"Killian I literally just unpacked my apartment. And like I said last night, we're still practically strangers"

"I mean I wouldn't really say strangers anymore considering I just told you everything about my life in the last ten years, and confessed to murder on six different accounts."

She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean".

I cleared the table and washed the dishes. She didn't ask me any more questions, and I didn't tell her any more stories. We both just listened to the sound of the running water and clinking of the plates. The sun was starting to rise over the city skyline as the moon hid for the day, sharing its calm white light with the rest of the world as they slept.

"Do you regret it?" Loren asked, finally breaking the silence.

"Regret what?"

"Killing them" She didn't even hesitate to say it.

I thought for a second. "I do" I confirmed, not because I wanted to tell her what she wanted to hear. But because I did.

"So why did you?" I understood that she couldn't quite wrap her head around it. I couldn't either.

"Self defense" I simply responded. It was the truth. After the first, I promised myself to only do it when I was being held between life and death. The guilt that I held on my shoulders was unimaginable. I didn't like to kill, I didn't enjoy it. The reasoning behind it was as simple as in the wild; to defend what was theirs. I was defending my legacy, myself, and my people from an outsider. Similar to a wolf protecting its pack from a lone wolf looking for trouble.

She nodded again and stayed quiet. I decided not to say anything more, I wanted to let her process it all the best she could.

"Its okay, you shouldn't feel bad about it then." Her words wrapped themselves around me and I embraced them the best I could. I don't think she knew how much of an impact such simple words had on me. And just like that, the guilt of the last few years that I carried with me became lighter. It didn't disappear, but it became lighter.

I finished wiping off the counter and turned back to face Loren.

"You have no idea how it makes me feel to hear you say that" I sighed.