Loki x Reader: Into the MCU

Chapter 51: Vacation

Notes: Ok, so I have four weeks left until I leave for school. I'd like to finish before then so that school doesn't postpone updates. I have no idea how crazy my school life will be, so I don't want to risk it. If I have to go over four weeks, I will. But the goal is now a maximum of four chapters left. I'm aiming for three, but it could be less or more. But just so y'all know, we're almost done. Sorry this chapter is a day later than it should have been. I think knowing that I'm almost done made me too sad to want to write😂. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

You woke to Loki's face in front of yours. He was still on his back, but his head had turned to the side. You were curled on your side, with your face on the pillow directly next to his. Surprisingly, your first instinct wasn't to move away. Instead you smiled at the man in front of you. Careful not to wake him, you gently slid your hand from where it rested on his arm. Propping yourself in a sitting position, you zoned out for a bit while your mind woke up. The first thing you noticed was the tray on Loki's bedside table. It had the medicine he was supposed to take when he was up. That meant someone had seen the two of you sleeping together. Though your stomach felt the small sting of embarrassment, you were used to what people would say and think. Knowing they were right, now that you'd admitted your feelings to yourself, made some scenarios weirder, but sometimes, like now, it made you not give a damn. The two of you had slept in the same bed before after all. And you really did love him, and it had been the greatest comfort to just lay there and hold his hand. It was like all the fear, all the guilt and problems tormenting you over the last few days was vented to him without having said a word. He'd known. He known by your simple response, and he'd given all the comfort words never could. That silent understanding. The two of you had been through so much recently, and that had been conveyed in one small gesture of resting together, finally after all the struggle.

But that's all it had been, a comforting gesture. You knew he cared for you in a certain way, but was it the same way you'd recently discovered you cared for him? You didn't dare hope or engage that thought, because the fear of what the answer would be if you were bold enough to tell him made you feel sick. You didn't want to ruin what you had with him. No, you couldn't ruin what you had with him. If not for your sake, at least for his. He'd found a friend. One he cared enough about to go to great lengths to protect. One he'd snapped for. How could you potentially change that friendship by putting him on the spot? By forever making that friendship awkward if he didn't feel the same way? Was there a chance he did? Your stubborn and "realistic" side still wanted to shout no, but you had to face the truth that you'd never been real to yourself about any of this for a while. Therefore, you couldn't ignore the obvious chance that he could like you. Looking back on so many things, now that you weren't in denial, you saw how they could indicate he liked you. His looks from time to time, the things he'd done for you, conversations here or there that made more sense if viewed with the idea that he liked you. 

Yet there was still the chance that that was all in your head. That you were remembering things differently now in an attempt to convince yourself he felt the same. Or maybe all those awkward times like New Year's Eve were just you being unable to confess your feelings to yourself. That you were looking at him differently, and not the other way around. That you were seeing what you wanted to see, even if you always told yourself that's not what you wanted.

Could you risk it? Was it selfish? To want to tell him so badly, and to now want to hear that you weren't imagining things, that he did like you too? If you were wrong, you could hurt Loki. Not that he wouldn't be kind, but the relationship between the two of you would be changed forever. Could you do that to him? All to ease your own desire and curiosity? How would he look back on your times if you were wrong? All those silly times, all of those taunts and arguments and aggressive feuds, all those actions that were like two best friends unafraid to insult the other because both never cared. Would he see them differently? Would he see someone who wasn't genuinely comfortable just being that best friend, but rather someone who always wanted more? You knew it wasn't true. You didn't always love him like this. He really was your best friend. But would he understand that? Could you ruin those memories, prevent a future for new ones, by being the one that just had to go and ask for more? He didn't deserve that. He deserved to have some sense of normalcy, of consistency. A friend he can count on to be a friend, not some girl drooling over him.