Taking A Chance On Love || m.t.

四 Defining Moment

Before I knew it, Mark and I had gotten so close that he started introducing me to his friends. I had gotten to know the other members of GOT7 via several video calls and an unsurprisingly chaotic group chat. As for my friends, I was careful to limit them to a few close friends who didn't know who he was. I was afraid of the press getting wind of...whatever we had...and I didn't want anything ruining this seemingly fragile connection.

As I got to know his friends, whether fellow group members or friends he met during solo activities, I kept feeling a certain pressure inside my chest, a pressure I couldn't explain. Or perhaps, it was a pressure I simply didn't want to face, so I continued to ignore it. Until one day, I couldn't ignore the feeling any more. On that day, Mark and I were lounging around his place as we had done so many times before in the past 3 months since we'd met. We were in his designated home studio, where I was sitting in his lap, hands absentmindedly running through his hair per my most recent habit, as he showed me how his equipment worked. He fiddled with his laptop, expertly maneuvering through his current demos.

Soon there was a lull in the conversation as he suddenly paused, hands hovering over the keyboard. I also stopped running my hands through his hair and rested an arm around his neck, my eyebrows raised in silent question. After a beat, he settled his arms around me tentatively as he looked into my eyes with the most serious expression I'd ever seen him direct at me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked him, concern etched over my features. He shook his head slowly as he looked down at his hands around me. It looked like he was trying to arrange his words carefully, so I stayed silent, waiting for him to speak.

"There's something I've been thinking about for a long time, but I wasn't sure if it was ever something you'd be ready for or even interested in," he began hesitantly.

"What is it?"

"Um...how do you like my friends?" he asked.

"That's...well I like them, they're really nice and welcomed me a lot quicker than I expected," I said in confusion as I wondered where he was going with this. The longer I searched his eyes, the more the pressure I'd been feeling lately began to mount in my chest. He took a deep breath before replying.

"Well I was thinking...what we have going is great, and I'm really enjoying being with you. But I didn't want to scare you with just how much I like you, so I've been putting off talking about what we are. But I don't wanna wait anymore. I want to know if you feel for me what I feel for you," he said, not meeting my eyes.

Surprised, I pulled away from him slightly, my arm subconsciously coming down from his neck to my lap as I clasped my hands together.

"What we are? You mean like defining our relationship?" I asked. I sighed as I mentally played back our relationship over the past few months. I continued speaking after weighing my thoughts.

"I didn't want to push you into anything you weren't comfortable with, that's why I never asked you what we were. To be honest, I'm usually the one who wants to define things as soon as possible, and I put everything I have into a relationship, often making plans and thinking long term. Usually that scares guys away from me. With you, all I knew was I liked you, and I didn't know what to do with that feeling since you're, y'know, a celebrity and all that. I was scared to think long term because don't know how you'd feel if you knew half the things I think about concerning you. I can't help it. I don't like to casually date, I like to date with the intention of possible marriage. But I also know you might not feel like that, so I kept trying to rein it in and just live in the moment with you," I rambled nervously, my hands clasped tightly together in my lap. I was keenly aware of how his body stiffened as I mentioned marriage, and I berated myself internally for how intense my emotions were, to the point that I was almost afraid to hear what he'd say in return.

"So you were thinking about marriage with me?" He said quietly, staring at a point on the floor.

"I wouldn't quite put it that way, although it's true. It's more like I'm here with you because I don't see you as a casual fling," I said haltingly. He lapsed into silence, making no move to reply.

Congrats Essie, you've lost him, I groaned internally as I began trying to cool my feelings. To say I was used to this would be both an over and understatement. I never directly told any of my past boyfriends that I was looking at them as potential life partners, but they knew I was extremely serious about them. I was always afraid of coming off as clingy so I tried to keep a level head in relationships, even being intentionally naive when past boyfriends would interact with female friends. However, as soon as they realised how serious I was, they'd start avoiding me. Due to this constant cycle of heartbreak, I'd begun to cope by simply closing myself off and forcing myself to stop liking them before . Subconsciously, I started that process again right after Mark's question.

Probably realising that I was stuck in my own mind, Mark hugged me tighter and smiled, meeting my eyes for the first time since the beginning of our "talk".

"You're not scaring me away, Essie. If anything, I was afraid I was the one thinking too much into it. But, I'm glad you see this as a serious relationship, because I do too," he said. Surprised, I blinked several times as I scrutinized his face closely. It didn't look like he was lying, if anything he looked like he meant every word.

"So...what are we then, if this is serious? And what about your career?" I asked.

"Well I've thought of you as my girlfriend all this time, and if something ever happens, that's exactly how I'd introduce you. That is, if you're willing," he said hopefully.

My heart soared as I nodded, and I started to laugh when he peppered kisses all over my face.

After a rather heavy make out session, we were laying on the couch watching TV. I felt happy, and the pressure I'd been feeling for weeks had gone away with this defining moment. I was now Mark Tuan's girlfriend. The title felt nice, but I wasn't about to dwell on that. To me, it wasn't about celebrity Mark Tuan dating social nobody Essie Asare. We were just Mark and Essie, boyfriend and girlfriend. Nothing else. At least, that's what I hoped for.

As I was basking in the warmth of my boyfriend's arms, I never expected what he'd say next. During a commercial break, he said, quite casually, "So I told my parents about you and they'd like to meet you as soon as you're free".

I bolted upright.

"WHAT?"

──────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹──────