Taking A Chance On Love || m.t.

十三 Pink Tears

All this stress wasn't good for my mental health, and we all knew it. I tried as hard as I could to stay strong, not realising that keeping a brave face was rather increasing my internal suffering and worsening my physical health.

I woke up with a headache one day, 5 months pregnant, as I did most days recently. Annoyed, I slumped back in my empty bed. Mark had left early again and said he would try to finish early and hurry back in the afternoon. After laying there in boredom for several minutes I heaved myself out of bed, wincing slightly at the pain in my head and the ache in my belly.

I was no stranger to frequent headaches throughout high school, university, and beyond, but the headaches I'd been having recently just made me feel sick all over. Shrugging it off, I went about my morning ablutions so I could pass yet another day in ennui. I picked a white sundress to wear since it was so sunny outside that it made the house brighter.

Turning on a playlist, I settled into a rocking chair in our newly decorated nursery. The nursery was painted a sun-warmed plumeria yellow, the vintage white painted wood furniture lending the room a very soothing feel. I had been staying in the nursery as of late because of how calm I felt there. It was harder these days for me to keep my emotions stable, so I often went to the nursery to crochet or knit items for the baby, who we had recently found out was a girl. Absentmindedly working my crochet hook through the soft and thin babyweight yarn, I gently rocked the chair. Despite my headache, I was hopeful for a better day. Mark was supposed to come home and have a movie night with me, and I was looking forward to snuggling up with my husband. Unknowingly, I had drifted off to sleep once more.

I woke up with a start, sweat beading on my forehead as I felt a terrible stabbing pain in my side. It wasn't the first time I'd felt pain there, but something felt different this time; something terribly wrong. Struck with sudden anxiety, I shot out of the chair, hook clattering noisily to the floor and yarn rolling away from my forgotten slippers as I ran to the bathroom. As soon as my bare feet touched the cold tile, I felt something rushing out of me. Panicked, I looked down, afraid of what I might see.

Dripping down my legs like a leaky faucet was my worst nightmare: blood. I began to shake, legs giving out from under me in shock and hands stretched onto the floor to break my fall as I registered the pool of blood that was forming around me.

"N-no...no no n-no, please!" I cried desperately, shaking my head. "Why is this happening?! Please, baby, no!"

I clutched my protruding abdomen, tears falling down my face at the same pace as the blood dripping down my legs. I cried out at the excruciating pain, shaky hands reaching for my phone on the countertop to call for help. Crimson streaks and handprints marred the white marble countertop as I groped around helplessly, unable to feel my phone. I pounded my bloodied fist against the counter in frustration, using my receding strength to hoist myself up onto my knees so I could see. My phone was a few inches away. Tears blurring my vision, I dragged my hands further until my fingers touched the edge of my phone and pulled it toward me. Dragging it to the edge, I was overcome by another rip of pain, causing the phone to fall in the growing pool below me. Gasping for breath as pain mixed with panic, I fished my phone out and wiped it on my already heavily stained dress, barely managing to swipe to my emergency contacts list.

Due to my recent troubles, my obstetrician was right behind my husband in my speed dial list, so I quickly pressed her number, since that was the plan we had made months ago in the off chance that something went terribly wrong. Dragging the back of my hand across my eyes to wipe the tears so I could see, I tried to tap futilely at her contact info, blood smearing all over the screen as it dripped from my hands. After several agonizing attempts, I finally pressed the button, hearing the dial tone. She picked up almost immediately, to my relief.