What Might Have Been | JiKyu

7|Tears

Hyunsuk actually goes to the same school as Jihoon does. They're actually schoolmates.

But Hyunsuk is a grade higher than Jihoon. Ever since the seminar, Jihoon now often sees Hyunsuk. He can even recognize him among a large crowd.

He often sees Hyunsuk close by. Jihoon finds out that he actually has a crush on Jihoon's close friend, Asahi. He wanted no part in helping as he has bad experiences about crushes in the past. It was something he doesn't want to involve himself in.

However, the more one tries to avoid something the more will it only come latching towards you.

Because the seminar actually brought some people close together, they decided to go on a beach outing. Jihoon joined along with Asahi and Yoonbin.

As for Jihoon's old schoolmates, they couldn't come due to their own schedules that didn't clash well with the agreed time and date of the outing.

Their day at the beach consisted of many team building games. One game in particular had Jihoon screaming.

He was in a group with Yoonbin. Asahi was in a different group. Hyunsuk was also in a different group.

The game was about building trust. What they had to do was for atleast two members to stand on a high elevated space and trust his or her team mates to catch them. The two candidates that were picked were Jihoon and Yoobin.

Yoonbin went first. He was scared to do the free fall. He was standing on a high beach rock on the dry sand and others were all ready to catch him below. Jihoon had kept shouting words of encouragement to Yoonbin.

They were actually trying to hurry because it was like race. They were competing against other teams and had to complete each game to earn a token pass to proceed to another game. The first to finish would be the winner of course.

"You can do it Yoonbin! Just close your eyes! We'll be here to catch you!" Jihoon assured his friend.

He was a competitive type of person so he really was pushing his friend to hurry up in falling so he could go next. Yoonbin trusted his words and let himself fall. They caught him and Jihoon quickly went up the rock to do the free fall himself. He was confident he could do it. He was just gonna fall and then let his team catch him. No big deal. But as he reached the edge, the height of the fall started to scare him.

Jihoon's knees feel weak. He shook his head realizing he didn't want to do this. He wasn't afraid of large heights but he was afraid of falling from a large height.

"Wait! I...I can't do this! I'm scared!" Jihoon shouted.

The others just cheered for him. They encouraged him to trust them because they were going to catch him.

But he was still scared. He knew they would catch him but fear was building up in him.

Jihoon kneeled down. He continued shouting that he didn't want to do this. He forgot about the competition and could just think about wanting to get down. He couldn't exchanged with anyone else because his other team mates were much larger in body frame. They would be too heavy to catch. He can't ask Yoonbin to do the free fall again, that would be unfair to him.

"Come on Jihoon! Aren't you brave enough? Do you not trust your teammates enough?" the facilitator of the free fall game shouted to encouraged him.

Jihoon wanted to shout back that yes he didn't trust them enough because they were honestly just people he met and bonded over the months. Trust isn't something you can give easily overnight. Just because you have developed a good bond with them for now. What makes the free fall even scarier to him was that he has to fall on his back with his eyes close. Jihoon kept doing the position to attempt the fall but everytime he felt the lack of solid ground against his feet made him step back to feel the ground.

"I can't do it! This is harder than it looks! I can't do it! Oh my gosh! I didn't sign up for this!" Jihoon screamed terrified.

He saw the others kept reassuring him but also saw they were getting impatient. Another group was already coming their way to do the free fall game as well. Jihoon.thought: "Fuck it!", he closed his eyes and let himself fall.

He screamed as he fell but his teammates caught him.

Once that was over they were finally able to proceed to a different game.

The race ended, Jihoon's team ended third place because they took a lot of time at the free fall. No one blamed anyone anything though, it was just a friendly competition and not the Olympics.

They were all asked to gather around the small cottage so they can talk and reflect about what they learned from the games they played and experienced.

Jihoon was sitting beside Asahi. He was just quiet while others were having a discussion. He wasn't in the mood to talk because he was drained from playing the games.

However, he suddenly heard his name.

"I was personally amazed by Jihoon the most. I'm guessing you all heard him screaming so much from the free fall game station. He was genuinely scared of doing the fall but it was amazing how despite taking some time, he learned to trust his group and allowed himself to fall." one of the elders said, he clapped his hands and others clapped along.

Jihoon had heard the words. They were kind and not harsh but Jihoon felt a stab in his chest and began bawling his eyes out. He didn't know why he was crying but he just felt like doing it. He quickly leaned onto Asahi to hide his face and cried on him. Asahi embraced his friend and comforted him. The people around were panicked and shocked by his reaction. The most panic was the guy that spoke as he didn't intend for his words to make Jihoon cry.

While Jihoon cried, and Asahi comforted him, the guy sitting on Jihoon's other side put a hand on Jihoon's head and patted him to give him comfort. He didn't know it, but the guy seated beside him was Hyunsuk.

When the former cried, Hyunsuk was panicked and shocked as well. But something clicked in him and he subconsciously started patting Jihoon's head. The sight of his tears brought an ache to his heart. Hyunsuk doesn't know why but it just felt right to be there and comfort Jihoon when he was crying a river of tears.

It made Hyunsuk feel caught by the purity and innocence he could see from his sniffling and tears.

Jihoon soon stopped crying and explained he was just touched and thankful for the message and the fun he had along with the morals he gained from the experiences of today.

He kept it to himself that what made him cry was the word trust. He lacked having trust. If he had trusted himself and Junkyu back in the past, maybe things would have been different. Part of what he realized was that he felt betrayed that Junkyu had a crush on him, like he trusted Junkyu to be his best friend but then he went on in having feelings for him. Which is something no one can control. And then there's him not trusting himself enough to allow himself the price of either rejection or acceptance from Junkyu.

Feelings are just so weird and complicated. And trust is just so weird and complicated too.

Jihoon sighed wiping his tears. He didn't want to cry anymore.

If only he knew that he was going to be crying a lot more in the coming days.

Life is just so unpredictable.