Never Again, Social Media Love

Heartbreak

Can we go back to a time before technology made life less than ideal? Can we?

Why is there such thing as love? I muttered with a sigh. I mean why is it so difficult to find a man. I'm so unfortunate with love.

Because Christ died for us. Remember? Emma glanced at me.

I looked up in disgust at the one who just uttered.

Oh please, there are thousands and a million guys, you'll find yours, Trish. She assured.

Emma is my childhood friend who has lived with me all my life. She is quite older but we shared a bond like no other. A friendship that started as walking to school together, being there for me when I lost my dad, to standing up for me when I got bullied in school. Emma has been there at all times.

I'm sitting on my favorite couch with piles of used tissues littered on the floor, unfinished meals on every corner I had found myself, and a soft song playing in the background on the Tv.

You know you're better than this. Emma said as she sternly looks at me and reminded me of the mess I made.

I looked sober that I didn't bother to feel remorseful. I was going through another heartbreak and Emma doesn't know what it feels to be in one. I wasn't ready to give in to any scolding.

This is my 5th relationship Emma, and you think I shouldn't be this way. I said this while trying to hold back the tears that were trying so hard to gush out again. You don't have an idea, because you've not been in love before. I sneered.

Emma was unbothered, she has always not been, so whatever I said meant nothing to her.

She stood tall with a face that made no expression, her arms folded to her chest as her red short dress fitted so well to her skin. I still can't believe I took advice from someone who dumps men as tissues. What was I thinking?

I drop my face to my palms to cry more. It was at the point the tears rolled down uncontrollably, that Emma came to give me a big hug.

You'll get through this. She said as she brushed my hair that hasn't been combed or washed for days.

Let's get you cleaned. Emma dragged me out of the couch, her hands were on my shoulders pushing me to the bathroom. While she had the room cleaned.

I'm taking no advice from you, Emma, I screamed from across the bathroom. I could hear her giggle from the room.

It took a while before I could get through things around. Does heartbreak cause memory loss. I said to myself. I can't seem to know basic shit.

Get your life back. I heard a tiny voice in me say.

Straight outta the shower, I stared a little closer at the reflection of myself in the mirror. How does a pretty girl go through much heartbreak? I thought to myself. Tears rolled down my cheek as I catch a glance of a scar I got trying to save my ex from a fall.

What we do for love, I guess. I wrapped myself with a long white towel I stole from a hotel on a girl's trip vacation. I smiled while reminiscing about how I almost got caught checking out of the hotel.

Maybe I need a vacation like that again. It's been what? 3years. I cleaned up myself, while im eager to tell Emma what I think might get me out of this heartbreak.

I met Emma neatly folding my clothes into our laundry sack. She turned to see my face brimming with smiles.

Okay? What's wrong? She smiled in curiosity.

Nothing really, I was wondering if we could get on a girl's trip again. I mean I enjoyed my time last time and I think it is what I need to forget about Liam and the whole heartbreak.

It's not a bad idea if you ask me.  I mean coming from you. I've been trying to put out of this mood. I feel guilty in a way because I sometimes rush you into these guys. She sadly replied. And I don't do these because I love to watch you go through heartbreak. She said defensively.

I nodded in affirmation. I know Emma means well.

I know you love me and mean well but I don't want to rush into any relationship again.

Don't say that Trish, you'll come around eventually. You can't be single for life.
Ohh huh, are you considering becoming a nun? Emma said with her mouth slightly open.

Don't be ridiculous. I giggled as I wave my hands at her. I didn't realize when I laughed so hard.

Thank you, Emma.

Yeah. I'll always be here when you need me. Anyway, your breakfast is in the kitchen, please eat something also don't make a mess. I'll be back soon.  She hurriedly said while searching for her handbag.

To where this time? I asked, my eyes fixed on her.

I have a meeting with a friend.

A meeting or a date. I quickly add and rolled my eyes at her.

She knew I wasn't buying the story this time.

Trish, not today. Now isn't the right time, to talk about who im going out with isn't going to help.

She walks slowly toward me, her eyes staring at me, while her fingers brush my cheek.

What I need you to do is eat, rest and find something fun to do till I get back. Can you do that?

I avert my glance to her. I'll be fine. You go have fun.

Just when I thought this was going to be my last. I guess I was too confident to think that.
Now I'm left alone to ponder what I did wrong or what I am supposed to do right if I ever get to be in a relationship again. Maybe mom is right I find fault with everyone even if it is only manageable.

No one is perfect, girl. My mom clapped back.
This was from one of those heated arguments about why I keep flipping men. It was family Thanksgiving. And I thought it would be selfish if I don't celebrate this home.

Not my fault they get on my nerves mom. I remember saying these words defensively. My eyes were blurry because I wanted to cry so badly.

You're a lady and you need to avoid arguments. I trained to be better. These words tasted bitter and hurts my soul.

Why would a woman accepts rubbish just to prove she's a woman?
I honestly don't see how a woman's strength is seen by how much suffering she bears, how much pain she endured for so long. This is nonsense to me. This is something im reminding my mom about my dad. Despite not being the best father, she loves him regardless and she is always ready to defend him. I don't think I can handle that.

You're 27years old. Time is not on your side.
Mom's favorite thing to say.

I sometimes wish I could run away to somewhere far. I've been immune to not taking her calls because each call we make ends with a marriage lecture. Another heartbreak and my mom is not to find out. Emma should know this too.