ILLICIT AFFAIR | mileven

eleven

he didn't want to let her go when she wanted to leave his room but this time, she didn't give in. she made it clear that after all that emotional turmoil, she needs time and space to come down from it again.

he understood that and as much as it killed him to having to travel away while being at such a delicate point in their relationship, he let her leave — though not before he pressed a kiss to her temple and promised to come back to her and figure it out again.

those promises were as hollow as the gape in her heart.

she withdrew herself to the only actual spot in this entire palace that granted her comfort and spent her entire day by her garden.

though when she arrived there, the flowers in her tiny garden were withering. she realized then for how long she had abandoned her plants and was now facing the consequences of their wilting state.

"you match the state of my soul, aren't you?" she asked while stroking the dry petals and watching them descend to the ground after the lightest bit of pressure.

she still ended up spending hours in that place and sighed when she left the garden with the certainty that this was a permanent goodbye.

the more those words echoed through her head, the more she craved numbness.

el had never had a sip of alcohol before in her life but after the day she's been through, she couldn't help but wish for the effect of senselessness it gives you that everyone is talking about.

she snuck out a bottle from the cabinet they're stored, looked around to see if anyone else was catching a glimpse of her before popping the bottle open and taking a sip. a violent cough sputtered out of her at the first taste, yet she still ended up taking some more.

by the time the sun descended and the moon was high in the sky, she was tipsily walking back to her room.

as silent as possible, she grasped on the handle of her room and tried to sneak in but as soon as she opened it, lilian and maxine sat up straight in her beds.

lilian quickly stood up and walked in el's direction after she closed the door. "we were worried sick, where were you for the whole day?"

"i—" she gulped, blinking her eyes open and close several times. wasn't the alcohol supposed to dim the pain? make her forget about it? how does the ache feel more intense than ever now then?

it hurts. everything burns.

tears started to spill out of her eyes and she simply broke down, nothing could keep her together anymore. lilian's worried expression simply sent her over the edge.

"oh, eleanor." lilian said in a compassionate voice before tightly wrapping her arms around her, "what's wrong? do you want to talk about it?"

el shook her head, a sob rising up her throat. "i can't."

lilian pulled away and guided them towards her bed to sit on it. she wiped el's tears with her thumb and looked at her with concern. "why not?"

"it's a secret — i can't tell you." el shook her head again, her voice turning weak. "it's a bad secret."

maxine smoothly made her way to the bed too, sitting next to the other two while shooting el an understanding smile over.

"you can trust us." lilian squeezed el's hand. "we're your friends, eleanor, we want to be here for you."

"you would detest me." she looked down in shame. "you would view me in a different light and i don't want that to happen."

"i could never detest you." lilian truthfully said. "as long as you didn't take someone's life, i strongly doubt there's anything that would make me see you in a bad light, because we all have bad secrets, don't we? who am i to judge when i have my fair share of them as well?"