A Birdie Lost in Time | Bucky Barnes

|22|

Her dreams had been a flurry of hazy memories; so many it was like she was reliving her life. They didn't set off an erratic thumping in her chest, or cause her to wake up in a panic like she had before, but she wasn't at ease through the night.

She remembered enough that before her eyes even opened, she was filled with dread. Enough that all she wanted was to fall back into unconsciousness; to be away from the guilt and fear and burden of her past. And she tried; letting her mind fall quiet and refusing to move her body, but despite the tiredness that seemed to weigh her down, it wasn't enough for her to fall asleep again.

So, she sat up, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes as she pulled in a slow breath. The quiet beeping beside her reminded of her of the dial tone of a phone beside the bloody mess on an oak desk, and she wished she could turn it off.

Selfish, she thought.

"Morning."

She jumped a little at the voice, slowly dragging her hands down her face and looking over to where her companion sat on his cot.

"Morning, Bucky," she mumbled, trying to push even a hint of a smile to her lips.

She couldn't.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, standing and walking towards her slowly.

She knew he was gauging her, whether she would remember what happened, whether she would be scared of him. She watched as he stopped behind the chair, bracing his forearms on its back.

She thought of his question. "I remember you," she whispered, pulling her knees up to rest her chin atop them. She could barely get her next words out, "I remember what I did."

He nodded, dropping his eyes a moment. "Do you remember you?"

"Some of me. I know... My mother. And her boyfriend, and what they did. I remember leaving... going to Germany. I worked at a tech agency, doing security support. And then being with Steve and Sam... then fighting—dying. It was... tense for a while and then I was with Hydra... And everything they did is... clear. Everything I did is clear," she muttered.

"The worst always finds a way to stay with us," he said quietly, moving around the chair to take a seat. He leaned forward, opening his mouth before closing it again, clearly hesitant about whatever he was about to say. "Do you... remember how Hydra got you?"

She wished she didn't, but she nodded. "I was caught returning the Pym particles... There was a security guard looking for intruders, Steve and... Tony, I think. Hank and him chased me out of the lab but I was caught by an agent. By the time I realized he was an undercover Hydra agent, it was too late. He pulled me in for questioning and I..." she let out a huff of annoyance. "I engaged my suit to try and escape, but he destroyed the vial I had. I tried to convince him I was a Hydra operative there for a mission; I told him secrets, stuff no one should know but... he sussed me out and got me unconscious. When I woke up, I was in a cell... he questioned me and—" she stopped herself short, not wanting to say what Bucky had done to her. Not him, but him. "I'm not sure how long I was there, a week or so, but I was moved to Siberia. They needed to know where I got my information, who else knew, and where I got my suit. I knew I couldn't tell them. I was there for a while; few months, a year, no idea, but one day you—or, the Soldat came in, but I thought it was you. I thought we were back in Wakanda, and I was so relieved to see someone that I—" she let out a puff of air, embarrassed at her stupidity. "I called you Bucky, and when the Russian heard, he got upset. Told me never to say that name again and started questioning me. I wouldn't answer and I thought he was going to kill me... But when I woke up, he told me I was joining them, then he put me in that... machine. It..." she shook her head, frustrated with the rabbit hole she spiraled into. "It doesn't matter. That's how I was caught. Because of my stupidity. If I hadn't of—"