How Did We Get Here?

Oh Jeez

Sally Face's POV

"Umm, okay..."

I gathered some paper and a pencil for Travis, I'm still confused as to why he would show up and embarrassed that he had to see my room, it's a wreck. I have my trash can overfilled with trash, and piles of dirty clothes everywhere, not to mention I haven't showered in a while. He must think I'm gross, I am surprised that he knew I liked berry slushies, it was nice. I sit back down after I hand the materials to him, he sits on the floor and starts writing, it takes him a minute before he does though, almost as if he still didn't know what he was doing. 

I try not to stare at him as he writes, but I can't help but look and him, he has a white button-up on today, with cute jeans that fit him perfectly, it looked like he wanted to impress someone. Every now and again he would groan before scribbling some words out and then continuing, he must really be trying to say the right things, I appreciate that.

Finally, he was done and handed me the paper:

                I know that I am an asshole, I have been bullying you since freshman year, and I know that it wasn't okay. It wasn't about you, it was about how I felt about you. I'll admit it, when I saw you on the bus on the first day of high school I didn't like you, I assumed that your mask was some cringy attempt to be cool. Soon I realized that the mask was just you, and I started to look past it. I noticed things, the way you could dress so masculine one day, and very feminine the next, e̶s̶p̶e̶c̶i̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶s̶k̶i̶r̶t̶s̶, the way you pulled on your pigtails when you were nervous, or how smart you were in math, how even though I was horrible to you, you still treated me kindly. 

                I also noticed how close Ash and Larry would stand next to you, and how you sometimes called Larry 'Larbear', and then I realized I shouldn't be thinking about a boy like this, i̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶w̶r̶o̶n̶g̶, it is wrong. That's when I truly got angry, but not at you, at myself, I took my anger out on you. I want to be with you, but I can't, ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶m̶e̶, but it doesn't matter because if anyone related to the church found out, or if my dad found out, bad things would happen. 

I sat for a moment while reading it, I don't know if I really understood what he was saying, but I think it was enough to start a conversation with. Travis stood anxiously waiting for me to respond, I gestured for him to sit on the bed, he awkwardly sat next to me but faced toward the floor. I took a second to think of what to say, I figured it would just be best to say what has been going on with me. 

I reached up to the back of my head and started unbuckling my prosthetic, I did so slowly just in case I changed my mind, I still wasn't sure if I could handle really seeing his reaction to it. It's not like he hasn't seen it already, but never head-on, there was always something else. When the prosthetic came off I just stared at his reaction, the thing is though, he didn't have a reaction, he just looked at me, as if there was no prosthetic to begin with. "This is my face, it has been my face since eighth grade, most days I can't look in the mirror, I'm ugly, no doubt about it. At Darin's party, I was there to hopefully kiss someone, anyone, but without them seeing my face. Every time someone sees my face, their opinion of me changes, but if they never knew there was anything wrong with my face, maybe it would have been different. When you turned the light on, and I saw it was you, I wasn't upset that it was you, I was upset that you saw me." 

I took a second to breathe, sometimes I forget to when I'm scared. "I understand why you took your anger out on me, you have trauma Travis, that is just how your body decided to process it. Travis, you don't have to worry about your father, if that fucker tries to do anything to yo-" He cut me off.

"You don't understand, he has power, he is friends with all the police, the mayor, if you get on his bad side, he could do whatever he wanted to you, and get away with it." He scrambled out, almost as if it had happened to someone before.

"What do you know Travis?" I asked confused by his last sentence.

"I just know that, um, people have gotten in his and, um, they disappeared." He mumbled

"Disappeared?" I pushed.

"Gone." he stated.

"Jesus Christ, I mean, jeez, I would say I wouldn't believe you, but I have heard of people disappearing in this town. Wait, was Jim Johnson, was he one of them?" I asked, hoping the answer would be no.

He thought for a second then shrugged, "Maybe, he doesn't like to involve me in his business, but I wouldn't doubt it... wait, Larry's dad? I hope not, fuck" He gasped out that last part. If Larry found out, he would, well, I don't know what he would do, but it would be bad.

We sat there for a moment, then I remembered something, Travis' bruising, his cuts. "Travis. Does he hurt you?" I asked. He looked at me and then sort of shriveled into himself.

"He doesn't mean to, um, it's usually my fault too. I need to learn not to fuck up so much. Especially with how gay I act, I am practically asking for him to hit me." He sputtered, I was in disbelief, what the hell. Travis needed to get out of that house.

I had to know the full story, "What about your scars?" I asked, he looked at me like he was about to cry.

"I sin so much, Sally. I have to pay for sins, how else am I supposed to show God I am sorry?" He said while standing up, I hope I wasn't upsetting him, he squeezed his eyes closed and tried to take a deep breath. "I told you everything. Now I get to ask questions." He stated, I think he needed to feel like he was in control of the conversation, and that was okay. I nodded and waited for him to ask me something. "Why were you at Zara's party?"

"I, um, wanted to see you, make sure you were okay." I stumbled out, I thought that would have been obvious. 

"Why did you really miss school?" he continued.

"I-I, sometimes- I, get in this funk, it makes me feel like I'm, um, worthless, and, um, ugly. It makes it really, super, fucking, hard to go to school, or do anything." I muttered, now I was feeling pushed.

"Fuck, Sal. You are not ugly. You are not worthless." He scooted a little closer to me and put his hand on my cheek. I had not felt a hand on my face since- it didn't matter. He- he was just saying that. I shook my face but he still kept his hand on. "Sal, you care so much about others, you worry so much. You are so smart, you are going to do wonderful things, I hope I can be there when those things happen." That was when the waterworks began. He just had me lean into him while I cried. 

Somehow we ended up cuddling for a while as I sniffled here and there. He just kept rubbing my cheek and looking at me as if he didn't beat me up a week ago. I chuckled at that last thought. "What?" He said smirking.

"It's just, two weeks ago you spit in my face and then came on it later that day." I said chuckling, he just sat up and looked away while blushing like a mess. "I'm just teasing you, but it would be nice if you would stop beating me up." I coughed out.

"I'm sorry Sal. I don't think I'll be doing anything like that ever again." He said sounding a little unsure. I knew it would be hard for him to control his emotions, but now he understood them a little better. I nodded and sat up as well.

I looked at him, he looked back at me. He put his hand on my cheek once more and asked me "Is it okay if I kiss you?" I giggled before leaning in and kissing him. 

Our moment was interrupted though when Larry walked in. "Hey dude, got you... some... what the hell?" Before I could respond Travis' phone started buzzing. He picked it up and looked at me.

"It's my dad."