Be My Saving Grace

One

{If I were you, I'd put that away. See, you're just wasted, and thinking about the past again. Darling you'll be okay. . .}

This is it.

I'm really gonna do it.

No more pain.

Rain pelted me from all angles as I walked slowly down the sidewalk. The bottle of Jack Daniels in my hand got lighter and lighter as I walked on. I shook my head as I approached the bridge. The bridge my mom used to take me to. The bridge where I had my first kiss. The bridge where I would end my life.

I sighed as tears started to fall down my face. I wasn't upset, hell I was the happiest I'd been in years. Why I was crying was a mystery to me. I'd been planning this for weeks and just the thought of going through with it made my skin tingle and my heart race. In a good way, of course. I was excited, to say the least.

I pushed my hair out of my face as I took a last gulp of whiskey and stepped up onto the safety railing. I balanced carefully on the edge, looking down at the water rushing through the creek below me. The black water looked so inviting, warm even. I closed my eyes and tilted my face towards the sky, letting the rain pelt against my skin, soaking my white tank top and ripped skinny jeans.

"Grace?"

My name pulled me from my state of silence and I slowly opened my eyes.

"Grace? Grace Newman? Is that you?"

I turned around, slowly, and spotted a shadowed figure strolling towards me.

"Who the bloody fuck are you?" I snapped, my words slurring and sliding together.

"It's Tony," he said, a smile evident in his voice, even though I couldn't see his face clearly.

I waived him off with my bottle of jack and turned to face the angry water awaiting my tired body. I took a long sip of liquor and a deep breath, preparing myself for the fall. Just as I lifted my foot to step off the edge, a warm hand clasped around my bare wrist, stopping me mid-fall.

"Grace, what the hell are you doing?" Tony yelled, yanking on my arm, attempting to pull me away from my future.

I chuckled humorlessly and looked at him, "I'm just doing what should have been done years ago," I shrugged, ripping my arm out of his grasp.

"What the hell are you talking about?! You can't kill yourself!" He retorted.

"To hell with what you think," I slurred, "it's been years coming, and I've finally gathered the strength to do it. Leave me be, I don't even know you."

"It's Tony, you were in my psych class senior year," he mumbled, his voice shaky. He was trying to keep from crying. But why?

I shook my head, "piss off," I grunted.

"Grace don't do it," Tony yelled, wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me away from my only escape from hell.

"Let me go! You fucking wanker, let go of me!" I screamed, kicking my feet wildly.

Tony didn't say anything, he just held me tighter. If kicking and screaming wasn't going to get me anywhere, maybe dead weight will. I let my whole body go limp, my arms falling down Tony's back, my legs dangling freely, occasionally hitting Tony's knees as he walked, my head bouncing lazily against his shoulder.

"You fucking piece of shit!" I gasped when he set me in the passenger seat of a beat up truck.

"Grace, calm down," Tony sighed, his eyes pleading with me, "please just calm down."

"Why?! I was so close! I almost made it out, Tony!" I yelled, my voice cracking. Big, hot, slow tears crawled down my cheeks and strangled sobs clawed their way up my throat.

"Almost made it out of where? So close to what?" Tony asked quietly, almost so quiet I didn't hear him.

"Hell, Tony. I almost made it out of hell," I whispered, turning to face the window. I didn't want to see his face. I didn't want to answer anymore questions. I couldn't.

Without a another word, Tony started the truck and started driving. To where, who the bloody fuck knows. I just watched the trees pass by, slowly dissipating to sand and ocean. I couldn't tell you how long the drive was, but I could tell you I was numb. Numb to everything. I didn't feel the wind that was rushing through the open sun roof. I didn't feel what was left of the rain falling lazily from the sky in random drips. I didn't feel the car come to a stop.

"Grace," Tony's voice snapped me from my thoughts just as he pulled the passenger door open, "come on."

I slowly got out of the truck, and was suddenly hit with an overwhelming sense of empty. It was almost hard to stay standing, but Tony hesitantly wrapped an arm around my waist, making me wince in pain. "Are you ok?" He asked as he lead me towards a beautiful beach house.

"Fine," I whisper, following him up the porch steps and into the house. We're greeted with yelling and laughing coming from another room.

"Hey," Tony said as we passed the kitchen, "I'm gonna have to pass on drinks tonight."

The three men who were previously sitting around a relatively small wooden table were now just staring at Tony and I. They all looked at me blankly, their eyes glossy, their jaws hung low. The tall one opened and closed his mouth, as if trying to form words, but failed.

"It's a long story," Tony sighed, both of his hands finding my waist as he pushed me towards the stairs. He practically dragged me up the winding staircase and into a small bedroom.

Smiling, Tony nodded towards the bed, "you can stay here."

"Why would I do that? Why would I stay with some wanker I don't rightly know?" I hissed.

"Because," he smiled again, "I figured you'd need an escape from whatever was happening at home. Now get some sleep, and we'll talk in the morning."

I sighed and climbed into the bed, shivering at the sudden temperature change. The down blanket instantly warming my frozen body. I thought about what Tony had said, "I figured you'd need an escape from whatever was happening at home," and the tears came again.

Hot, heavy, slow, painful. Tears dripped down my cheeks, falling over my lips, to slip off my chin and into my lap. My life was hell, and I let some guy I didn't rightly know keep me here. I'm a proper fuck up, just like everyone says. I'm such a fuck up, I even messed up on killing myself.