Can't Stop Me (Sick!Deku AU)

Breathe

Izuku Midoriya

Being discharged felt like a blur, everything seemed muted and weird. This is the first time I've been in a hospital without my favorite visitor and now I'm leaving, why does it feel so wrong? I hate the hospital, I hate how I'm always here, I hate how it feels in here, but for some reason, I hate leaving without Kacchan more.

Whatever.

It's not like it matters anyway.

Wait, heck.

Quickly I shook my head to chase the thoughts away, it's been so hard to stop thinking this way recently. Everywhere I look I see things Kacchan would make fun of, laugh at, or get angry at. I can hear him in my head yelling obscenities and I keep getting these phantom feelings on my neck from how often he would pull my choker to look at it. But every time I look he isn't there, he isn't anywhere, he never is.

I miss him so much.

I want to dig into my chest and rip whatever is making me feel this lost and alone out so it stops making me suffer with every breath. I don't like this, I hate it. I hate it so much.

I'm just mindlessly putting my belongings in my bag when a nurse comes in and asks me discharge questions which I answer robotically. Mom signed some papers and in another blur, I found my head leaning against mom's car window watching the colors of the world wiz by even if they felt rather dull.

"McDonald's?" I looked over at mom to see a half smile on her face, "We can see if their ice cream machine is working. McFlurry?"

I hummed a confirmation and turned my eyes back to the window, watching as we pulled into a drive-thru. I let my eyes lose focus until a cold cup was being pushed into my hands, "Thanks."

"Don't you ever think the spoons are misleading?" Mom asked as she began the drive home again, "They look like straws but they don't work like one. It would be amazing if they did though."

I hummed to let her know I wasn't ignoring her but didn't feel like replying, even if I know that the spoons are used to blend the McFlurry. Instead, I picked the spoon up and put some of the cold treat in my mouth, letting the sweetness bring some feeling into my body.

As I did in the hospital, I just let everything turn into a blur as soon as we got home. I got out, went to my room, did some homework, and then just sat. Just. Sat. I let my eyes blend everything together to try and zone out. It worked.

Until suddenly a blue blob with red in the center entered my vision causing me to sit up and refocus, on the center of my bed sat Ka-Bear. I don't know why I'm so shocked since that's where I left him but I guess I expected him to be in my hospital bag though logically if Kacchan couldn't visit me he wouldn't have made sure I got Ka-Bear and he's the only one who would. It makes sense but...

Stumbling from my chair I sat on the bed and picked the ragged old stuffy up. As I stared into his beady eyes I felt a hard lump unyieldingly rise up my throat until it began to turn my vision blurry as fat tears annoyingly began to form. I rubbed my eyes as they grew hot but it just made it worse, squeezing them hurt. I can't make it stop I can never make it stop.

Kacchan who caught me the first time I passed out, Kacchan who always held me and always hugged me even when his words weren't so nice. Kacchan was always there and now he just wasn't. Now he was somewhere hurting and alone and without me and what could I do? What can I do for him after all he's done for me? Nothing, not a thing. Kacchan is always there but when he needs me all I can do is sit on my stupid bed and cry.