A Wanted Submissive

23

"fists up," Serious said. He was beating the crap out of me but he kept assuring me I was learning fast and doing very well. My arms acked from keeping my fists at chin level.

I kept pushing though, running on fumes and encouragement alone. I used strength I didn't have to push my left fist at him then drop kick as he'd shown me. It felt like moving to the most agonising dance in the world.

Somehow the fact didn't encourage me to stop, I only felt strong. Strong when I kneed his stomach and left him winded long enough to trip him. I felt strong barely breathing as Serious gave me his version of an encouraging smile from the floor.

"Good job little one," he said and allowed me to help him up, "you're a natural."

We walked off the mat together, "I wish Gabriel would say the same."

I said it with resentment and frustration before I could stop myself and regretted it.

It felt like he wanted me to assimilate to his reality against my very will and I hated it.

... But I hated failing at it even more. I felt inadequate and slow and I couldn't stand it.

"Nothing will ever be good to Gabriel unless it's perfect," Serious spoke absent mindedly and gave me some water, "I don't know if that gives you any comfort but at the very least realise nothing and no one can please him. Now get out."

I lifted my brows in mock shock. I had a pretty good idea why he wasn't taking me home today seeing as Passion had seemed oddly distracted today and I was beginning to notice a pattern.

I couldn't stop the smile that would betray that I wasn't hurt by his dismissal and guzzled another mouth full of water in defeat.

I laughed around the mouthful an said, "how quickly you get rid of me when you have a hot date?"

"Out." He said monotonously but lack of emotion to Serious was like a blush to the rest of us normal people.

He's eyes where rolling and I could see the glimpse of a real smile there before he turned away with a towel on his shoulders. He found my company nice... just a little, "you know if you told me about it your secret would be safe with me."

He kept walking as though I hadn't spoken though.

Consequently I did as told. Serious and Passion being a thing had been a surprise that weirdly made sense... I was itching to see them even each other out and feed off each other's energy until they felt alive and real... I bet they were cute... In a twisted Stockholm's kind of way.

I changed and headed out happy to enjoy the rarity of driving myself. I gripped the wheel and tried to forget my troubles. I hated that sitting quietly in a car was enough to give me an anxiety attack just thinking of how much shit I have to figure out.

I sighed tiredly. I got home more quickly than I had expected and the first thing I saw was Stephie's car. I got out of my own with a questioning look.

It had been a while since Stephie had tolerated my bad attitude to actually talk to me. She was in the kitchen and called out to me when I walked past in my rush to my room.

"Rian," she said and I stopped. My heart kick started at the tense note in her voice but I went to the kitchen. She sat at the table, "you're mom let me in."

On instinct I felt ashamed, I always knew Stephie was better than I ever deserved but pushing her away like this and having her come back. And worst still, come back with that patient look in her eye made me realise and feel contrite.

I sat with her, but I had no clue what to say. She spoke, "you're covered in sweat."

A twitchy kind of smile touched my lips, "I was exercising."

"Your gym doesn't have showers?"

I said nothing to that and for a little bit there was silence. I didn't know how to say it but she deserved better than assuming I meant it so I said, "I'm sorry... Stephie."

She sighed at that and looked at me through her lashes, "don't be unless you're finally finished acting out. You know as well as I do I'm never going to be able to quietly accept your decisions if I think you're making a mistake.

'but I never meant to hurt-"

I cut her off by laying my hand on her two that sat clasped on the table. She hadn't hurt me. She couldn't go ahead and take the blame for the one who had because we all knew he didn't feel sorry... And she had tried to warn me about that too.

"I don't deserve you," was all I said after I managed to find my voice. How had everything gotten so messed up?

"I guess I'm just lucky Jeremy is dumb enough not to notice a good thing."

She dramatically rolled her eyes, "don't even get me started on that fool. I swear I got all the brain cells in the womb." I guess I could thank Serious for one more thing.

I now had some place to push my anger instead of my wonderful, undeserving best friend...

                               |§|

"What are you thinking," I looked up from my desk and found Gabriel's eyes on me. It was after school and I was in his office today, I hadn't noticed I was smiling.

I'm sure the suspicion in his voice was because I had barely done that in all the months of our knowing each other and recently I hadn't at all. I'd actually had a nice day today though despite all the extra work I had because of Gabriel.

I almost felt normal and mental exhaustion didn't seem to drain me so completely today.

I wiped the smile from my face and looked into his eyes, his empty dead eyes, "nothing."