A Wanted Submissive

4

I closed the door the second he crossed the threshold. I don't know where the sudden burst of energy and speed came from or why I chose to panic now that he was gone.

But I did. I hyperventilated and I clutched at my chest like it wasn't my head that was the problem. I even cried and paced the floor until I could manage to calm down.

And through it all the only thing I could ask myself was, 'what was I thinking?' when I wasn't even the problem. I couldn't have been. All of it was just too much.

Before long I found myself formulating an escape plan, then executing it. I grabbed a jacket and left my room. Down the stairs with hurried thump, thump, thumps to follow me. I grabbed my mother's car keys and then the door.

Where to? I don't care, just away. Far, far away. Then a a hand grabbed me.

"Where are you going," Gabriel said in a lowered tone. Our parents were in the living room right across the hallway.

I ripped my elbow away from his hand and turned to him, "I'm getting real tired of being touched by you without permission."

I can't lie and say I didn't expect him to be a bit shocked about my outburst. But nope. He got up in my space and still with a lowered tone said, "I'm not playing with you Orian, where are you going?"

"That is non of your business," panic and the need to get away from him was just pissing me off. I walked away from him and unlocked the car. Again he caught me just as I opened the car door.

I tried to get him off me but he was stronger. He took the keys and got into the driver's side, "get in and don't make me repeat myself."

I froze for only a moment but ultimately the look in his face made me listen. He locked the doors as soon as I got into the passenger's seat. He said nothing, all was silent.

Sure I was upset, but his anger seemed to overcome mine very quickly, "I just wanted to be away." I said quietly. I wanted him to calm down. I couldn't understand why his anger made me want to calm him down. I didn't want to ask myself if I was really that scared of him. At this point he hadn't even ever done anything to me.

It didn't work, he was still pissed, "I don't know where I wanted to go." I admitted after a while of him stiffly sitting there, jaw clenched and staring into the distance.

"Didn't I tell you not to fucking disrespect me," the way he said that made me want to clap back with a vengeance. Bitch who do you think I am was all I could think to say but there was something disjointed in the way he spoke that told me to just not do that.

After a long time he started the car and we were off.

He told me to get out once we stopped infront of an ice cream shop. I did so and followed him in until we were both seated.

When the waiter came, I ordered a Sundae while he ordered an ice cream sandwich. Only after all of this was done and we were sitting infront of our meals did he speak.

"You loose it when I touch because you don't understand why you don't want me to stop."

I didn't want to look at him or acknowledge his fucking existence. I just ate and wanted to be away. I had no clue at the time how often I'd look back on this day and convince myself that before this moment. This instance I had never felt so helpless, even though that wasn't true.

"I've never met someone with an ego this size. Is it heavy?"

He laughed at that before somehow our eyes met, "tell me than, what could be the meaning of all this."

"Well to start you have issues with boundaries and personal space."

"And you seem to shiver constantly on sweltering hot days," he took a bite of his ice cream sandwich and laughed to himself, "and you tend to forget how to even breath for some odd reason."

I laughed dispite myself and chanced a look. 'just one.' I told myself with no real understanding as to why I even wanted to see his face. He made me so upset but I told myself I had to be sure the he wasn't upset.

He was already looking at me and just like that he become Gabriel the strange, new, scarey person in my life.

"You made me so upset," I said out of nowhere, "and confused."

He was quiet. And I let that settle. He looked almost sorry, "and scared. If you want to ever speak to me again, don't scare me like that. Ever."

"How about a deal," he tried after a while, "how about neither of us cross the others boundaries. I won't scare you like that but please...

"Try to speak and act respectfully with me. I don't really do well with that kind of thing. Overly harsh actions... What do you say?"

My eventual answer was an agreement. After this he spent the rest of the time we spent at the ice cream shop talking about Tom Soyer and his adventures. Then our parents and the new life we would lead together. Family or no until somehow we were on the subject of tattoos. He had one and wanted more and I had non and wanted one.

We talked about religion, he was an atheist, I was Christian. We spoke about school and life and plans. I don't think he is planning on ever going to college but he doesn't seem to notice it. We talked about everything until it almost felt like he was trying to make it up to me without respecting my wish to be alone.

It almost felt like he was laying out all the reasons I should get attached to him. It felt like he truly wanted me in his life. Like he wanted me.