A Wanted Submissive

27

He decided to ask again  and i wished he hadn't. Why did I leave? The answer was so simple: How could i stay?

Serious wasn't even looking at me when he'd asked. A small piece of me hated the high horse he'd seated himself on.

I didn't quite recognize that piece as coming from myself so i tried hard to squash it as i looked away.

Half ashamed, half furious. I chose to ask, " are you dating Passion?"

The malice was easily and completely hidden from my voice. Replaced with curiosity the innocently pretended to not know what it was doing.

I hadn't asked him before because I knew he didn't want to talk about it, but I felt a savage sense of satisfaction at seeing his hands tighten around the wheel from the corner of my eye.

He said, "that information won't save your life, which happens to be the only reason I am here.

"If you dont recognize how serious this situation is then I don't know how to help you Sugar."

Fear immediately overtook the cocktail of emotions raging through me and made everything else a dull whisper that could only be listened to another time.

I wondered if Serious was satisfied, "What else could I do?"

I'd  replayed my actions over and over a million times in my head by now and the regret was there sure butI couldn't imagine a single ulterior.

I couldn't, step out of that bathroom and go back to him. The same man who had threatened to kill me, the same man who had forced me to kill.

I thought I'd be emotional as I spoke but my eyes were dry, my voice was still and steady and eager to be heard by someone who would actually  listen, "I'm not a killer, I'm not a victim, I'm not a child and i am not a pet to be trained and commanded at will. Gabriel-"

A short gasp left my lips at the sound of his name even if it came from my own lips, "Gabriel forces me to swing between these things these identities and I just..."

I turned to Serious and stared hard at the side of his face, " I don't want to die but I can't..."

Look at myself in the mirror anymore.  I can't stand to look at him or anyone in that house. I can't keep doing this.

"You want to leave?" Serious asked with no sympathy in his voice and no threats. The tone made him feel like an island. Neither on my side or Gabriel's. A distant onlooker.

"Yes." And he stopped the car. Then he looked at me. Eyes stormy and pale. As terrible as looking at a ghost.

"Then you can leave." There was silence for just long enough for me to find room for more fear, "
I'll make sure you get away Orian but understood that this means you cannot return.

"You will be a friendless orphaned ghost. Running every moment from the instant you go. There will be no new home, a future where you make new connections, you will always be running and the moment you forget that you and every new person you come to love will die. Or worse you'll survive and live with it.

Live with the fact that besides your mother (who has your stepfather's protection) everyone you left behind is free game and Gabriel will take advantage of that and people will die.

I want you to understand that you have all the power in the world to leave. Right now and you could just live. As much as living is possible because Gabriel will never stop looking but then you would not be a victim and you would not be a child but sweetie death would follow you everywhere you went. That will be the case no matter what you decide."

I looked away from his empty stare, "what will he do to me... If I go back."

"He would cut your feet off if it didn't mean he'd have to exert even more energy to protect you."

I began to wring my hands as a sudden intrusive thought went through my mind.

It came to me so quickly and was so dangerous that I looked to the side of me at Serious as though somehow he could have heard what I was thinking.

Kill him. I wouldn't have to run or stay. I wouldn't have to live like this. I could be free... if Gabriel was dead.

I pushed the thought away but it began to take on a life of its own. I couldn't prevent it from coming back to me every time I tried to push it away.

Kill Gabriel. How? We slept in the same bed, I could just...  kill him while he slept.

No that'd be crazy. I tried again to forget about it but my heart was racing all over again. Adrenaline was coarsing through me at the very thought.

"I don't know what he'll do little one, but it's best not to worry about it."

I looked over at Serious and realised he thought I was scared. With that in mind I tried to pull myself together and look ahead of myself.

We were pulling up to my driveway. My emotions rickoshed and I couldn't breathe for one terrifying second.

Serious parked the car and removed the key from the ignition. A sick feeling came over me but I went for the door handle as Serious watched me.

My hands were shaking and when I finally did step out my legs were jelly.  Serious drove away almost immediately and left me to go inside. I thought about running away again but I was sure Serious would appear again from out of thin air should I try.

So I went inside with the most horrible sick feeling growing inside me.

I went up to my room, thinking that Gabriel would pop out at me at any moment with every step I took but eventually I was in my room, on my bed and the house was quiet I began to realise.

No one was home.