Nada's Escape: Fighters' lies

32.2 Trouble

When I wake I feel like the desert. Gritty, searing hot and dried up like an old fig. Someone breathes beside me. I crack open my eyes, finding the dark lake that held me prisoner has evaporated.

I'm in the nursery, in an identical white room to the one I'd been in when I'd been shapeshifting. Bigger though, perhaps.

I squint my eyes shut again as I remember how I got here, why I'm still here. Amy, Macie, the three musketeers and all the rest of them have gone. Left with Finley in the night. In some ways I wish for the dark pool to be back so I can curl into it forever.

I still hurt; heartbreak indistinguishable from the lingering poisons, from claws in my side. I don't want to think anymore, but my mind keeps on ticking over, like a broken watch.

I picture the truck, racing across the open desert with diesel to burn and girls to save. I imagine the grins on those faces as they reach the city, free at last. I think about surprise phone calls and reunited families, Amy hugging an older version of herself, joy filling both their faces. It's the sort of thing I might never see for myself. My mum, dad and sister might be lost to me forever now.

I'm aware that there are tears running down my cheeks, a luxury I rarely allow myself. I'm not a weeper. But I don't care. This is something I need to get out.

Should I have begged that they wait for me? I ask myself sharply. Even better, should I have disobeyed Josef and left the party early, dooming our escape before it could begin? My bleeding heart whispers yes, but my guilty conscience screams her down. No, no, no. You did the right thing. The right choice hurts exactly because it's the right one. Just like Finley's promise to leave me behind, if it was easy, would it really be a choice?

Still I think about the horde of Huntsmen living outside these walls and physically shudder with dread. What is there here for me to live for?

"Are you..." I startle upright with a paranoid jerk, heart leaping to attention as well. I'd forgotten there was someone else in the room. It's Darcell, sitting by the bedside, gazing at me with a mixture of horror and disbelief.

"Are you crying?" He asks, green eyes leaving me nowhere to hide. My stomach growls with a vicious twist of pain that has me falling back onto the sheets. My heart flutters too fast, pumping poison to my organs. I'm still not okay, I realise, even after all that sleeping.

"I don't cry," I choke out around the thick gunk in my throat, sounding about as convincing as diver claiming she's never swam.

"Right. Do you need something... for the pain?" My aches scream, yes, but my pride simply curls my body over on itself, wiping hectically at my cheeks. I breath in through my mouth, avoiding my clogged sinuses.

"What are you doing here?" I croak, throat feeling impossible dry, even coated with moisture. Next to everything I'm feeling, Darcell looks so put together. His hair lays calm across his forehead, skin impossibly smooth under the harsh lights.

"I was - I am worried about you." His eyebrows sketch defensive rather than concerned though. "You took such a tumble at the hunt... I don't think there was anyone who wasn't worried about you."

Except for Josef, I bet he loved it.

"What happened?" I ask.

He scoffs. "You should be telling me that. One minute you were behind me, the next you disappeared. Then you end up diving down on top of that griffon. It really got its own back though, huh?"

"This?" I gesture at the wound in disbelief. "This has very little to do with a griffon."

He frowns in confusion.