After All This Time

Good Riddance

Lydia dropped her keys in the small dish next to the door as she shrugged off her jacked and slipped out of her five inch heels. She had spent the car ride home playing the radio loud hoping that it would muffle her thoughts, the ones telling her that maybe she should turn and run. From Stiles, from Beacon Hills, from everything. Now her ears won't stop ringing.

She walked into her bathroom, turning the water on to the sink and splashing it on her face. Her eyes itched from her makeup and her lips were chapped. She didn't know why but for some reason the constant feeling of water running on her skin was calming.

After all of her makeup was gone she walked into her room, pulling her phone out.
"Hey." Hearing his voice was like finally letting out a breath after holding it in for too long. "Hi." She responded, moving back to lay down on the bed, the soft covers enveloping her just enough. "You okay?" His voice was thick with worry, as she nodded, realizing he couldn't see her before clearing her throat, "I'm okay. Just needed to hear your voice." She stood up, walking out of her room. "Well it's a good thing I've been wanting to hear yours." She laughed, a dull laugh, but a sweet one either way. She looked down at the phone screen, her battery at 5%. "Hey stiles my phone is about to die, I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Um sure... Lyds?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." He could feel her grinning from the other side of the phone, which made him smile.

"I love you back Stilinski."

✻✻✻

She reached under her bed, grabbing the purple box she had taken from her mother's house weeks ago. It had just sat there. She hadn't had the will to open it. But everything that happened in the past 24 hours had given her an unusual kind of courage.

She lifted the lid off. She couldn't wait anymore. She slowly pulled the first picture from the top of the pile. It was a picture of her and her mother on her college graduation day. She had her cap and gown on, laughing at something her mother had said. Her mom had the biggest grin on her face. She loved this picture. Even if it was all an illusion, they were happy. She was alive.

Underneath that was a letter. It was the one she received that day. She'd almost forgotten what her mother's handwriting looked like. She was afraid of forgetting the small things like that. Like her voice, or her smile. Her mother was too good to just disappear from her mind, she had to find a way to remember.

She unfolded the piece of stationary paper taking a deep breath, and holding it in. It's what she did when she was in pain, she knew this was going to hurt.

My dearest Lydia,
I can not put into words how proud I am of you. And how lucky I feel to have witnessed you grow to be more than I could have ever hoped for you. I used to think that all that mattered in life was working hard and getting the job done, and finding your way. But Lydia you taught me something completely different. People are important. They are what will get you through the hardest of climbs. And yes, it's good to have a plan, but you are allowed to be lost sometimes. Just don't let it ruin you when you are. Let it happen.

I know you're lonely. And I know the World is a hard place to be right now. Everything seems like it will never unfold right, and you feel lost. But my darling you have to trust me when I tell you it will work out. Not in the way you think it will, no. But in the best way possible. Love will come and hope will be there but won't be needed and you will be happy. Give it time, and give yourself a chance, take a chance. And believe that even if you aren't okay you will be someday.

Love yourself. It's the only way you will feel completely free. Don't expect to love yourself all the time, but love yourself because you are always going to have yourself. Stand in the sun every once in a while and let go of the fear of being burned. This is the rest of your life. Love and live and laugh and spend it doing everything you need to for your soul to be happy. Someday I hope you can read this again and see how much has changed, that you've found love and light and that it always does work out. I love you so much more than you will ever know. Congratulations my little mermaid.
Love mom.