After All This Time

Lay Me Down

Lydia woke up about 3 hours later, it was still only 1 in the morning. She thought about the countless nights she stayed up studying, running solely on coffee and protein bars, and the hope that maybe one day she could graduate, and just get away. From everything. She finally did, she made something of her life, and she found herself laughing for falling asleep at 10 at night.

She realized how awkwardly tangled up she was with Stiles. Her legs were resting on his lap, and she was almost bent in half with her head resting right next to his shoulder. She felt so pathetic. She went to any length to get close to him, even in her sleep.
She must have moved too much because Stiles slowly moved his head until his eyes clashed with hers. He looked slightly confused for a minute, trying to take in his surrounding. She loved the look in his eyes when he woke up, like for just a second he had forgotten all the things weighing him down, and she wondered if she ever got that look.

Minutes later they were still staring at each other, taking the moment in.

"I didn't mean to wake you up, it's only like one, you should go back to sleep." Lydia spoke softly, which made Stiles want to go back to sleep, with the last thing on his mind being her voice. It would be an okay thing to dream about.

"Can we just talk for a while?" Stiles forgot how much he missed just talking to Lydia, seeing how her mind works. And Lydia realized how much she loved his morning voice(or his you woke me up in the middle of the night voice). She didn't think you could miss something like that.

"About what?" Lydia looked into his hypnotic eyes knowing that all of her troubles could be lost in them, that maybe they already were. But nothing lasts forever.

"Anything. Everything. The past 5 years." Stiles looked up. He wanted her to know he cared. That his world hasn't quite been his world since she left it, and he had this distinct feeling she didn't know.

"Well you could be more specific than that." Lydia rolled her eyes. Stiles caught it, he loved that motion more than any other she made because he knew that she would only roll her eyes at something she cared about, otherwise It was a waste of her time. Most people used it as a device to contain while showing their anger, but she always seemed to use it as a tool to express her feelings, good, bad, or in between. He's glad whenever those emerald eyes light up, rolling in his direction. He knew it sounded weird but everything Lydia does makes his heart skip just a little bit, and it had a different meaning for him. He knew then he wasn't a waste of her time.

"Well what about this boy situation." Stiles needed to understand. Something felt off about Lydia. Like someone ripped all of her self confidence away, and all she could do was conceal and patch up the dark spots, no matter how big they got. That's not who Lydia is. She faces her problems, at least she did before.

"What boy situation?" Lydia acted oblivious, but she knew she would feel lonely talking to Stiles about her non existent relationships. She wished she could tell him about a whirlwind romance, that she finally found the ferocity inside herself to move on from him, but she hasn't. She probably never will.

"Come on Lyds. We both know that there have been possibilities. I bet you were hit on by every guy on campus. So why did you turn them all down?" Stiles knew he would either get no answer at all, or a complete flood of them. He was hoping for the second choice, but Lydia barely ever did that. And Stiles was almost positive he was the only one she had opened up to in that way other than Allison, if even.

Lydia wanted to say it. Say what she had been holding back, say that the reason was him. That even the thought of moving on and being with someone else made her miss him more. That she'd felt this emptiness without him and a meaningless fling or another boy would never fill that void. She wanted him to know that she loved him. But she couldn't make him love her, and she couldn't take losing him, even if nothing was there to lose in the first place. Even if it was all in her head. Life isn't like the movies, and Lydia wasn't about to take the chance.