Loving You

Chapter 6 - Abhimanyu - The Interview

"So Ms. Singhania —Akshara, tell me a bit about yourself, your interests, your hobbies. What makes you, you?"

I gave a quick glance to my notepad which has all the interview questions listed in a numbered format. At this point I had memorized all the questions by heart because it was just repetition of the last 11 interviews I had to host. The same, boring, curated answers that the candidates knew would look good on paper.

But at this point I would look anywhere that would stop me from staring at Akshara Singhania like a love struck fool. I remembered now who she was. She was the bartender who has dropped me home last weekend, the one who had been thoughtful enough to leave the note on my bedside table giving me cues on how to deal with a hangover.

I didn't remember all of it, not clearly at-least but I remembered bits and pieces. The way she had supported me, held me...and most importantly not left me —a complete stranger —alone. Everyone else in my life did; but not her.

A part of me was embarrassed for my actions, embarrassed that I had been so drunk that I didn't remember her, didn't remember those soft hands, the doe-eyed caught-in-the-headlights look and for sure didn't remember the way her body had felt pressed against mine as she lead me to my apartment.

And I definitely did not remember giving her permission to call me Abhi. Only one person in the entire world called me that. My mother. I didn't let anyone else ever call me Abhi, not my close friends, not Vikram, not even Shanaya.

When Akshara had called me Abhi, the anger I felt for having someone else who didn't even know me call me by my very private and personal name was unparalleled. I shouldn't have been rude, but she had just caught me off guard. Should I apologize for my rude behaviour? Stop it, Abhimanyu! Focus!

"Go on," I looked up from my notes to see Akshara staring at me, her eyes wide in confusion, her face masking a sense of hurt.

"I...I like music as you can tell," Akshara laughed as if she had just cracked an inside joke. I nodded my head, not looking up to meet her gaze and gestured for her to go on. "I can play many different types of instruments such as guitar, sitar, piano, tablas, drums and even the classical Indian Veena."

"Is that all?" I prodded.

"I love cricket, watching and playing both, basketball too. I adore animals, dogs and cats especially."

"Okay, great. Why Birla Hospital?"

"Because it's one of the best hospitals in the country. The hospital is one of the few that is experimenting with music therapy and actually think it's worth the time and effort for patients to be a part of it."

I nodded my head. "Okay then, how is music therapy beneficial to patients?"

"Research shows that music therapy does make a difference to the outcomes of a patients recovery process..."

"Because journal articles claim that if a patient is given a chance to attend music therapy at any stage of their treatment the recovery process is quicker and results in happier patients over a longer duration of time." I finished for her.

I slammed my notepad shut on the conference room table and stared at Akshara who was staring back at me, surprised.. I don't know why I was doing this, but I had hoped that she would be different and not a textbook case of an eager; overachieving candidate.

"11 people."

"Sorry?" I could feel the slight hesitation in her voice.

"I interviewed 11 people before you. 6 yesterday and 5 today. You are my 12th candidate and you know how many times have I heard the exact same answer, just like the one now?"

Akshara shook her head. "No," she answered, softly.

"12 times. Including yours. I don't need people to give me out of the world answers, but I do appreciate someone who is honest about why they are here, doing what they are doing. I don't need textbook answers. I just need answers. Organic answers."

"Ss...ssorry."

If I could kick myself right now, I would. I hadn't meant to lash out on her. I was just tired of hearing the same memorized answers over the course of 12 interviews with 3 more to go afterwards which I assumed wouldn't be any different.

"I...sorry. I shouldn't have lashed out. I apologize. I think it's best if we end the interview now. You may leave now."

I should be nicer, maybe a bit more understanding but work was something I never took lightly. I was passionate about treating my patients and getting them the best healthcare possible. I wanted them to be treated by the best too. Mediocrity has no place for itself in the Birla Hospital and it was my job to make sure it never happened, at-least with the departments I was put in charge of which included the music therapy department.

Akshara got up from the chair and made her way to the exit. I picked up the phone and began to dial the front desk to send in the next candidate.

"Birla hospital is only 1 of the 5 hospitals in all of the East coast which is willing to spend the time, effort and funds required to establish a music therapy department. In fact it's the only hospital in New York City that has an opening for a music therapist. So that's why everyone, including myself want to work here because this is the only place that will accept us."

I stared up at Akshara in shock, dumbfounded. And was it pride that I was feeling? Yes, it was. Pride. I felt pride that someone was finally standing up and being honest with me. Akshara had a spark in her eyes, a spunk in her attitude. I had thought she was mellow before but no, there was a hidden lioness underneath that mask of docility that I had inadvertently triggered. Interesting.

"Your next question was, how will music therapy benefit patients? Because music is magic. My Nani used to sing. I never met her but I was told that she used to find singing therapeutic. Music helped her through some of the toughest times in her life. And my mom and dad used to sing to me and my brother. It didn't matter if I was crying or if it was raining or lightening or having a thunderstorm outside, the moment I heard them sing to me, I fell asleep. Instantly. That is the magic is music. It doesn't matter where you are, what you're doing, music will always calm you down. It's the only constant in life that doesn't leave you, or let you down."

She took a deep breath, trying to collect herself before continuing. "Music has been a constant source of support to me. It gets me through my panic attacks like you witnessed today. And if it has helped me all these years, I just want to be given a chance where I can use my music to help others. I'm not guaranteeing that it will make things better, if speed up the healing process but I can guarantee you that patients will forget their pain and helplessness, even if it's for a short while. Music can help numb the pain."

There was just something very inexplicable about the way Akshara talked about her connection to music, something so personal, so intimate, so passionate. There was pain in her voice. A sorrow. A pain that she tries very hard to hide but something that shines on the surface when you dig deep into her love for music. I don't know why, but I felt like I understood. I understood the relationship she had with music. She was using it to gate-keep her true feelings, trying to forgo her pain. Music was the sole companion to her loneliness in a world full of loud noise. I understood her love for music completely because somewhere that was the exact love I had for my job as a cardiac surgeon. Surgeries, patients, work, kept me from going crazy in my loneliness like music kept her.

Before I could react to whatever Akshara had said, she was already gone leaving behind leaving behind nothing but the aroma of vanilla and roses and a big sense of guilt.