Tattooed On You

XXVIII: Breakdown

I'm sweating, my heartbeat so loud I hear it in my head. My limbs feel empty; I'm hanging around him, but he is holding me up completely. I can't move, and while I feel him go soft inside me, I once again wonder how the hell I let myself get into this position while I promised I'd hate him from now on.

I'm so fucking uncontrolled around him, it's scaring me.

His head drops to my shoulder, his heavy breaths fanning my moist skin. He slowly pulls out of me, and then he guides my legs from around him, urging me to stand on my own two feet again. But other than that, he doesn't move. He just stands against me, his hands on my hips still as he tries to control his breathing.

Even while doing absolutely nothing, he is too much. And I once again remind myself of what this whole thing between us is about.

It's a game, though it's starting to feel like a tiring one.

Creating some distance between us by pushing him away, I slowly move to the bed where I find my panties on the floor. As I step into them, I feel that he's watching me. He doesn't bother to pull up his boxers and trackies; he just stands there, his cock softening and still wet, and his eyes never leave my form.

"You're gonna kick me out again?" He asks. His thumb and forefinger move over his eyebrows before that same hand moves to his chains.

Am I? I don't even know. I thought I was confused before, but it's nothing compared to how I'm feeling now. This morning, I was so sure of everything. I was so sure he'd fucked T, and I was so sure that it was all part of his sick game. But now, I'm doubting again, and that's the last thing I want.

I don't ever want to doubt myself because of a guy ever again.

"You're gonna ignore me, then?" He asks when I don't answer his question. And when I still don't say anything to his second question, he sighs while rubbing his face. "Listen, I really didn't have sex with T last night. She was here because Morgz took her home. I was just chilling in the kitchen when she walked in. Morgz was there too, and when he went to his room to change, I went as well. But she stopped me and right at that moment, you walked in. I swear, sweets, it was just fucked up timing."

His explanation sounds believable, although I truly wonder what is wrong with that girl. Chanti told me she first tried with Felix, then she went to Hero, and now she's with Morgz? They can give her a cage by now. Jesus.

And he's calling me sweets. At first, I thought it was cheesy and just something that he calls girls regularly, but I find myself hoping that he doesn't. It's all a mess; everytime we are in the same room, I'm drawn to him even though he's made his intentions perfectly clear from the get-go. It's like I get off on getting hurt.

Focus, Jo. Goddamnit, focus.

"I don't know what to say." Not the strong come-back I was hoping for, but it's the truth.

His face falls, and this time, he doesn't hide it like I've seen him do before. "You really think I'd fuck her after talking to you like that?" He quietly asks, and I swear I hear some disappointment in his tone.

"Uhm, yeah? I think you would." I throw him a sarcastic glance while I sit on my bed. I'm in my underwear still, and he still hasn't bothered to cover up himself. Now that I'm sitting, I'm level with his cock that's still dangling from his trackies. It's... Distracting.

He sighs again, his hand running through his hair. "Fair enough," he then concludes. "But I didn't, Jo. Truly. You can ask Morgz."

Shaking my head, I hide my face in my hands. "No. I won't. I don't want to talk about her with anyone."