ʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ ʙʟᴜᴇ 💙 ᴄʜᴀɴɢʟɪX

6

Chapter Song Suggestion: Mansion - NF

Felix stared at the friends and adopted family standing in front of him. His hold on his boyfriends limp hand released. He lost. "You want to kill him," Felix whispered.
"Felix, he's in pain. It's been a year. We need to let him go," Changbin's dad told him.
Felix's ears blocked the chatter from his friends. Let him go? Why should he? Changbin was doing just fine. He was breathing and his heart was beating. Maybe he'd never wake up. Changbin may spend the rest of his life in a bed. Still, he was alive. He could hear Felix.
"You want to take him away from me? He's still alive," he added. A mix of anger, pain, understanding, and indescribable sadness overwhelmed him. "Even if he's not going to wake up, I don't care."
Everyone stared at the young man with pitiful eyes. "If you won't pay the medical bills I will. I'll walk through hell to keep him by my side. I'm not abandoning him when he has a chance," Felix's voice rose, tears starting to roll down his face. Their words were setting into his heart.
"He's hurting too Felix. You have to let him go," Hyunjin argued. He was the only one that had the guts to do so.
"I don't want to," Felix retorted. Hyunjin didn't like how unexpecting the younger was in the moment. In his mind, Felix was being inconsiderate toward Changbin's family. Felix's head was too filled with clouds to consider their thoughts. He couldn't focus on anything at all. In that moment, he felt attacked. Every word from his friends and boyfriends parents felt like a dagger piercing into his skin. Each syllable ripped opened a wound in his chest and exposed his already deteriorating heart. "I'm not ready!" Felix yelled to shut up the useless arguing between Jisung and Hyunjin. Jisung was on Felix's side, as was Changbin's mother, though she'd given up fighting after talking to the doctors about her sons condition. The room went silent, air running thick with tension. The man with freckles all over his cheeks stared at his hands in disbelief. At the fact that they wanted to get rid of Changbin and that he had raised his voice at his friends and elders he considered family. He rarely yelled at the people he cared about. "I'm sorry. I'm not ready to let him go. Please, don't take him away from me. I haven't forgiven myself yet. I haven't told him enough how sorry I am. I haven't made it up to him. We haven't gotten to grow old together. We haven't gone on enough dates. We didn't travel the world like he promised. You can't take him. We have so much we haven't done. I promised forever. You can't take that away from me," Felix cried out. He apolozied over and over in repition. It was his fault. He took too long to heal. He caused Changbin to fall under. He was the problem.
To say any of them were ready to give up on Changbin would be a lie. Felix seemed to be the one that was holding on the most. Changbin's parents were close behind. None of them wanted him to leave. They watched as Felix curled into a ball in his seat. Jisung moved beside him and cried along with him. Chris was crying because he couldn't imagine that this day would ever come, Seungmin because he couldn't do anything, Hyunjin because he was losing a friend, Jeongin because everyone else was, and Minho—he let a single tear fall down the side of his face as he remembered the last thing Changbin told him.
"What would you do if Jisung got in a wreck?" Changbin asked.
"The fuck? Why even ask that? He's not going too," Minho hissed.
"Probably not. There's always a chance though. So, if he did, what would you do?"
Minho had gone silent. He didn't know what he would do. He couldn't imagine living without Jisung. There was no Minho without Jisung. Not since the day they went to the flower park. "If he died I would never be myself again," Minho said. Changbin hummed in response. "Why? What's with the sad topics suddenly?"
Changbin stretched his arms over his head. "I was watching a movie the other day about someone learning to let go of their lover after they had died. I started thinking of Felix and realized I wouldn't be able to do it. A life without Felix isn't worth living."
"Don't let Jisung hear you say that," scoffed Minho.
Changbin chuckled in return. "He's got you. If I somehow left, I know you'd take good care of him. He'd be alright eventually."
Minho caught Changbin's eye. "And what if you got hurt? What if you were the one to go under? What would you think Felix would do?"
The mechanic itched underneath his eye. "He'd hold on to the very end. He doesn't like letting go of things. He hates change. But, if I were laying on a bed half dead, I'd want him to kiss me one last time before sending me off. I wouldn't want him waiting around for a chance that probably wouldn't happen. If he stayed by my side, he'd never be happy. He'd only think about what he could've done better. That's not a life I want him to live, you know?"
Minho blew out a long breath. "I could never do that. I would selfishly cling onto Jisung. Half dead or not, he's mine. I won't let anyone take him."
Changbin started laughing. "Yeah, that's called possessive. I guess it's not a bad thing, but I definitely wouldn't stop Felix from finding love again. He's only mine while I'm alive. So I'll live a long life loving him until the day I die."
Minho felt bad that he couldn't go through with Changbin's wish. As much as he wanted to give it to him, Felix would never love another person. Not when Changbin had melded himself into his heart. Changbin's parents eventually gave up trying to get their son's boyfriend to agree. They couldn't fight Felix. So Changbin lived another day. He survived on the love Felix held for him, but only for a week longer before a decision needed to be made.
Everyone left the room besides Felix and Minho. Minho watched his best friend crumble against the bed his boyfriend lay in. "Why couldn't it have been me, Minho? Changbin never did anything bad. He didn't deserve this. I should've been the one to get hit. It was my choice to go out that night even after he warned me. I've been through enough pain, my body could handle it. Maybe I would've woken up. Even If I hadn't it should've been me," he told the taller man.
Minho's heart wrenched at the sight. "Felix, neither of you deserved this. It isn't about who should've or who could've, it was Changbin in the end," replied Minho.
Felix shook his head. Every self consious feeling he had linked together and tied themselves around his neck like a noose. He couldn't breathe. They had kicked the chair out from beneath his feet. They took the last thing keeping him sane. "He saved me. How am I supposed to live without him? You have Jisung. You'll go live your life. I was living mine finally. Now it's gone. He's gone. He's leaving me behind. He promised!"
Felix fell into histarics. Minho couldn't blame him. He didn't call for the nurses. He watched his friend pull at the ends of hair attached to his scalp. He watched the flood of tears flowing down his face, creating a small puddle on the floor. He listened to the loud, scratchy sobs reverberating off the walls. They shook him inside and out. He'd heard Felix in a similiar situation before. It wasn't as bad. It was close to it though.
Felix had shown up at Minho's door at the middle of the night, feet bare and bruised as he held his bleeding arm. That wasn't the only part of him bleeding. His swollen lips and coated black eye were leaking from cuts. Felix's cheek was red with a handprint. Minho knew as soon as he saw his friend that they had found him. The young, brown-haired boy took one step forward before collasping. His elbows hit the concrete pathway leading toward the door. Felix screamed that night. From the sting of his injuries and the excruciating pain betrayel brought about in his heart.
He sobbed so hard Minho worried he'd pass out from lack of air. Somehow the boy managed to talk through it. "It's not fair. I try my best to give them everything they want. I love them. No matter how hard I try not too, I do. Why can't they love me back? Why do they do this to me? I don't understand!"
Minho didn't understand it either. He knew Felix's parents didn't usually attack him. They simply argued, screamed, and mentally controlled him. That night had been the first time he saw such a scene. "What happened, Felix?" he asked. He tried his best to mask the raging desire to snap the adult's necks. "Did they do this to you?"
Felix continued to cry uncontrollably. "He hit me. I hit him back. He punched me some more then I ran. I left your car at your garage. I had to run here," he told the racer between large breathes. That's why his feet were bruised torn. He had run miles trying to find the way home. Minho could only imagine the boy running down the streets, tears streaming down his cheeks as he howled out in anger at the world. He would run so fast that the wind blew away the tears so that no one could see them. He'd push forward like a draft horse in a race—like he had been bet on. His shoulder weighed heavy with the weight of thousands on him. That was what Minho thought Felix felt in those moments.
He knew that feeling. Running, racing, there was no difference when you were escaping something. His fathers death, his step-father, abusive family members, asshole streeties—it was all the same. Their hearts told them to run away from the things that hurt them. Even if there was no destination, run as far as your feet or wheels could take you.
"Everytime I find a home either I have to leave or it gets away from me. How much more do I have to sacrifice until my happiness equals up to the pain I've experienced in my twenty-something years of life?" Felix choked out. His fist slammed into his chest as his free hand gripped onto the sheets of Changbin's bed. "How much more does the world expect me to take? I can only handle so much. I'm human too! I'm the monster the world made me into but I still feel! The air in my lungs still depletes if I shut my mouth. If I hold my tongue, I can't eat. I can't survive off others pain like a grim reaper."
Minho's tears finally poured down his face. "I can't take it anymore. If he was going to die, he shouldn't have came into my life in the first place. How am I supposed to live without him?"
In the moment it felt like that. There was no future in Felix's mind. Minho knew how the demons ate away at him with those taunting messages. He moved forward and wrapped his arms around his best friend. "He's not gone yet. He has a chance. If he does leave, you have all those memories to live with you. You can do it. You aren't alone even if that's the only thing you can feel right now. We'll take care of you. You'll recover."
Felix shook in Minho's arms with an intensity that could rival an earthquake. He twisted and turned to break free. Minho kept him locked. "It'll be okay. I'm here Felix," he reassured in a gentle whisper. Felix eventually gave up the escape plan and leaned against Minho's chest, throat releasing as many more sobs as it would allow. The world really was a cruel place.