Cupid's Bow Breaks

Chapter 2.....The Roof

The bell rang at two. I’d been on the roof for the past half hour, checking out my appearance every few seconds, and the minion was watching me pace up and down with large concerned eyes. It was spouting some nonsense, probably trying to reassure me. I lost it after about ten seconds. “Shut up!” I snapped. But it continued. Seriously, minions these days are really insolent. I remember when they came without a speaking feature. They used to be cheaper and lasted longer too.

I reached over and began to choke him with one hand. Its dirty pink face started to turn a shade of bright blue. I never really understood how that happened. I pulled it up to eye level, till its squished nose was nearly touching mine. “I told you to keep QUIET!” I snarled. The minion started to splutter, spreading acidic green spit all over me. Dis-gus-ting. All in capitals. So make that: DIS-GUS-TING. It wasn’t just acidic in colour. It began to burn through my clothes. Great, there went my favourite Coldplay T-shirt. I began to shake the thing out of frustration.

“Hey, are you still bullying that…um…thing?”

I whipped around. She was standing there, hands on hips, slightly panting. I dropped the minion over the railing. “What thing?” I asked innocently. No one can be better than me at acting innocent. This is the point at which even the most skeptical women throw themselves at me. I had this chick in the bag.

She just stood there. “You just threw it over the railing.”

My mouth must have been touching the floor. Behind me, I could here the minion flapping up. Did I mention older models were also easier to get rid of? All you had to do was flush them down a toilet or throw them off a cliff. “Oh, yes, Miss, he does it all the time,” it said, batting its lashes at her. You do not want to see a minion batting its lashes at you. Elizabeth Taylor could carry off thick, long lashes, unlike a minion. Of course, her lashes weren’t sky blue.

She drew back a little, wrinkling her nose ever so slightly. “And who or what is he?” she asked gesturing towards me with her head. “That’s my boss,” said the minion proudly. “They call him Cupid,” it whispered conspiratorially. 

She burst out laughing. “Are you sure?” she giggled. “Cupid’s supposed to be a blind baby in diapers.” I unstuck my mouth from the floor. “Minion, don’t you have to be elsewhere?” I thundered. “Go hang out near the Taj Mahal, why don’t you?” The minion looked like he was going to cry. It vanished in a puff of smoke.

“So, will you please explain to me what you were doing flying outside my window?”

“It told you, I’m Cupid, it’s what I do. About the diapers…,” I said. At least my clothes had regenerated before she arrived. Thank me.

“Are you some kind of mutant? What’s with the wings? Somehow I don’t like people pointing sharp things at me.”

“I’m a God.”

“You’re a God. I find that hard to believe. And I still don’t like people pointing sharp things at me.”

“Am too.”

“Are not.”

“Too.”

“Not.”

“I’ll prove it. Do you think that boy there,” I pointed at one with large glasses and a heavy pile of books, “Would be liked by a girl like that,” I pointed at a girl who was obviously part of the higher echelons of high school society. I aimed and fired. The girl immediately came over to help the very puzzled boy with his books. They disappeared around the corner together.

I smiled, satisfied, and turned around. To be slapped in the face. I could feel the area turn gold. “That was my best friend,” she said. Uh-oh.

“The boy or the girl?”

“Which do you think, stupid?” Double uh-oh. Now the dragon was angry. No one told me that damsels in distress could suddenly turn into dragons. It’s not fair.

“I need to get home anyway. Least you could do is walk me home,” said she, dumping her bag into my arms and marching away. That’s how low I’ve sunk. Instead of girls, I have my arms wrapped around a very heavy bag of rocks. Soo not fair. The minion appeared, humming little bits of love songs. Don’t even ask. I dumped the bag on its head before chasing after her.