Drunk In Love

10. Cope

Trigger Warning: Drinking, Drugs and Overdosing:

Olivia's POV:

"To be honest, I don't know what it's like to not feel broken. I've had my fair shares of ups and downs in my life but I don't think anyone has faced more downs than me."

I sit in an office across from my therapist as I reveal my emotions after the realization that came three months ago. The person I've tried so hard to forget that broke me. The name I tried to avoid. 

Jake.

My "friend". 

Well, he wasn't exactly my friend to begin with. Ok, let me explain. 

__________________________

Jake and I were never friends after that incident, for obvious reasons. Yeah, I lied in the beginning of this story. We're never once saw or interacted with each other since then. We would glance at each other, or rather he would stare at me whenever I'm in class, near my dorm, or anywhere else. But other than that, I never spoke to him. And it was a good and bad thing I didn't. 

It was good because it was less stress but it was also horrible because it added more stress into my senior year. I was graduating and I was highly invested into alcohol. The painful memories of him just wouldn't go away and it was hard to cope. So, I turned to painkillers and even more alcohol. It affected my body so much that it was painful to move. My stomach was cramping, not in the way women would have periods. It felt ten times more painful than a period. It felt like bolts were in my stomach, poking on my intestines. I was throwing up so much from the liquor that it nearly killed me. 

He did that to me. My ex boyfriend did that to me. 

Jake almost killed me. 

Thankfully, I wasn't broken enough to the point where I thought about harming myself but there were close calls. For example, during my senior year, as you know, I took painkillers to purposefully forget Jake and that night. However, I never told the story of how I overdosed on it.

One night in my dorm, I was trying to study for a test. I was listening to music to see if I was able to concentrate but it didn't work. My heart kept beating fast. My hands were shaky and sweating. The panic that grew in my body was the worst feeling I could've had. I swear it was like Jake was purposely in my head throwing that memory into me. 

I was panicking too much to the point where my vision started to get blurry. I don't know why I did this in the moment but I thought it would help for my vision to clear up. I ran into the bathroom and snuck a tiny bottle of vodka and drunk it, with me taking one painkiller after. 

A few minutes walking back into my room, my eyes rolled back. I fell to the ground, having my very first seizure. Foam came out of my mouth. I was spazzing on the floor and it wasn't a good feeling at all. At that moment, I thought that I was going to die. And I blame myself for it. I should've let Jake get to me so much. I should've focused on school and stay determined to graduate and live the rest of my life. But it felt that it was already coming to an end...

And it would've been my fault. 

Everything else was a blur. The next morning, I woke up on a hospital bed with my family right beside me. They comforted me saying everything will be ok, when it wasn't. I was weak at the time but I saw my mother at the corner of the room, with tears running down her face. I saw true fear and sadness in her eyes. She didn't think that her daughter would end up in the position where she could've been gone. 

I saw her leave the room, assuming she needed a minute to breathe. But I don't think I saw her since. I don't really remember because there was so much alcohol and drugs in my system that it really did make me have a bit of memory loss.