"You know i'm not mean and scary though," He brings me closer to him with the grip on my wrist. "Right, Carver?" We're nose to nose again, his face is down by mine and i'm looking at his lips.
Tilly Carver is sick of her big brother bossing her arou...
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I always imagined dying like this: As if I was living the day of my life in all sunlight, but as time passes by I slowly wither away as the daylight fades into the beautiful sunset. After a while my body just can't function anymore from mere tiredness. Because life is so tiresome, and for what? For everyone to work a 9-5 job and go home to barely survive in the world? Days never seem like they'd end, dragging on and on, memories seeming to fade into one another like watercolor being painted across a white canvas. Trying to live gets harder, and harder, and harder, until you give up. And let the water take you down like a ship sinking, down, down, down, till it hits the ocean floor to rot.
"Please! Tilly wake up!" His voice fills my head and thoughts, the voice I love most. His voice, its full of grief and sadness. It hurts me. His sad voice, full of emotion. His tears hit my skin, leaving a cool feeling in their wake.
In the last moments my senses would work and I can hear my loved ones crying and mourning me. This would be the odd time of the day, right after sunset, when it seems like the world has a pale blue hue, and everything seems so deep, that it's squeezing my soul and making me want to cry out in agony and pain. Because time is an illusion that confuses all of us, that doesn't ever make sense.
"I love you Tilly," Again, my heart feels as if its wrenching. I don't want him to feel this way, I don't want to hurt him. I want to assure him, to hold my palm out to him as he lays his head in my hand, his salty tears hitting the warm skin of my hand. I would rub my thumb up and down his cheekbone and assure him that everything would be alright. I would tell him I love him too, that I wouldn't ever leave him nor believe in him any less. I would kiss his forehead, leaving a small lipstick mark in my wake, as his soft pale ivory skin has such a contrast to it.
After that, comes the evening, when the stars start shining and the sky has a beautiful dark blue shade. Everything is silent and calm now, remembering some small happiness' of my life. Then comes the middle of the night, when the sky is pitch black and it feels like the universe is consuming you and making you one with itself. This is when I start thinking about the meaning of life, what life means to you, and could your own life fulfill this meaning or not.
His hand grabs mine, limp in his own, "Fuck, don't do this to me." He sobs. "I can't live without you, Tills." He hiccups next to me, his thumb rubbing circles on my smooth skin. "You and I will always be with one another, forever. We will be a never ending force to knock down. We're soulmates, twin flames. Tilly, please." He begs me.
"It'll happen I swear, we will be at our small little blue house, i'll do the white picket fence and all that shit with you. We'd have an older son and younger daughter. You'll teach her everything you know, the books you like that I see you reading at lunch instead of paying attention to god knows what, you'll show her how to tie her hair up like you do with the little bows on, you look so pretty when you do that" He pauses before continuing, "And-and I will show our little boy how to play guitar he'll learn how to play your favorite song, even if Cyndi Lauper isn't even my jam. Maybe we will name him Ozzy, or Kirk, I won't make the decision without you of course." He sniffles. "And we will be such good parents."
He lets out a sad laugh, one without any humor, one that hurts my soul, "We'll parent right. I can promise you that." His soft lips touch my hand as he lifts it to his face.
When I die I want it to be a relieved sigh leaving my body as it relaxes, as I leave the world. I would go somewhere peaceful, like a flower field with a soft breeze, the smell of lavender filling my nose. I would lay there and wait for my loved ones to join me in celebration, of being back to where everything started. Being in heaven, id dance with music surrounding me. I imagine Eddie being with me, a song playing in the distance as we sway back and forth.
'Eddie my love, I love you so, how i've wanted for you...you'll never know.'
His smell of smoke, weed, alcohol, and mint surround mysenses along with the lavender from my own aura. I wouldn't enjoy heaven without Eddie, I realize. I'd like to grow old with him, to be able to share experiences with him.
𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸𓆸
Its as if, me leaving my consciousness stopped. I feel my eyes open softly to a white room, sanitizer filling my senses. I look to my left, where my mom is sleeping soundly on the couch and look to my right, where Eddie's head is down, crying. I try and move my hand, but my energy isn't fully there.
My mouth opens and it's dry, it feels weird. I try and speak, a small squeak comes out but Eddie doesn't hear me over his sobs. I try again and let out his name, "Eddie." He sits rigid and sits up slowly, his head lifts and his eyes meet mine. "E-eddie..." I let out a choked sob and tears started to fall down from my eyes and onto my skin.
"Shit. Shit. Holy shit." He stands and starts to kiss my forehead, my cheek, and my other cheek, "Tilly, baby, princess." He smiles and cries with me and I let out a small smile. My mom stirrs from her seat on the couch and he wipes his eyes, standing straighter, "Mrs. Carver?" He asks.
"Hm?" My mom lets out, rubbing her eyes as she rises from the couch.
Eddie clears his throat, "Tilly."
"What?" She asks yawning.
"Mom?"
She sits up straight and rushed to my side, "Tilly!" Her tears leave her eyes and she grabs my face gently as she puts kisses in both of my cheeks. "Oh my beautiful beautiful daughter."
I smile sadly as she looks down at me in awe. "Dad and Jason? Where are they?" I look to my mom as her eyes dim slightly, "Mom? Dad and Jason." She wipes at her nose as some tears stream down her face. I look to Eddie and Eddie looks panicked as if he didn't know what to do.
"Honey," She sniffles, "There was an earthquake and Jason was trying to find Eddie here to frame him for Jason's own crimes, Jason killed Chrissy, his friend, the newspaper boy. He killed them and then an earthquake happened," Eddie held on to my hand tightly as she explained, an indication to go along. "And Jason was killed. Split in half,"
I sob and feel my chest caving in, what? How could this happen? All of the chaos was happening in the upside down, not up here. At home, "And-and Dad?" I know it's pathetic of me, if seems like i cared less for my twin, but i want some hope. Some hope that the two men that had stayed current in my life weren't dead.
My mom smiles sadly, weakly, "Dad went out to look for Jason, and he was, killed in the process. He had been taken in with the giant cracks of Hawkins, his car hanging while the drivers side was open. He hasn't been found, dear,"
I feel my throat clench up and my sides aching. I start crying uncontrollably, spit coming out of my mouth and snot dripping from my nose. I grab onto the pillow from behind me and prop myself on my side in our pain and agony. I cry loudly i to the pillow as my mom rubs my back soothingly and Eddie strokes my hair.
