admire || yang jungwon

twenty five

it was obvious. in fact, it was too obvious. yang jungwon was avoiding her. while she was doing absolutely everything she could to at least bump into him anywhere, he was doing absolutely everything he could to not see her anywhere. she was convinced that the kiss was just something they shared in the heat of the moment, at least, she wanted to manipulate herself into thinking that. she refused to believe that she was holding any romantic feelings for the boy. she wanted to believe that she didn't like him, but everyone knew she was lying to herself.

the enhypen members were even more protective of their precious leader. in fact, they could not stand watching the boy cry himself to sleep every few days. they were unwelcoming and jian understood. their hostile nature hurt her, but it didn't stop her from wanting to at least see him for a second.

and the boy who was courting her, taehyun, could only watch her lose herself amongst her thoughts of jungwon. it hurt for everyone. for jungwon, for jian, for taehyun, for the members. they were all in pain.

***

-one month later-

taehyun and jian sat next to each other in the practice room of txt. a comfortable silence enveloped them before she sighed.

taehyun asked, "what's wrong?"

"he's still avoiding me." she replied, dejectedly playing with her fingers.

yet she didn't notice taehyun's change in mood. his smile slowly fell at the mention of another boy. he knew. to him it was obvious. it felt like he was holding onto an already broken piece of string. he was holding onto nothing.

"hey jian."

"??"

"i have something to tell you."

jian looked at the boy expectantly.

"i ... i think it's time i let you go." taehyun said, his head hang low, unable to meet her eyes.

"huh?" she was taken aback. it had not yet come to the end of the three months they had promised, yet the fact that he was letting her go even before the end of this, shook her. a million thoughts ran through her mind in that moment.

"don't get me wrong, jian. i love you. i really do, but i can't hold onto you forever."

"i don't understand."

"you already like someone else."

"i-what now?"

"you like him. you like jungwon."

"what?"

"you like yang jungwon. trust me, no one knows you better than i do. i know when you like someone. the way your eyes shine, it's different."

she briefly met his eyes, her heart breaking at the sight of the evident dejectedness and hurt in his eyes. if taehyun knew jian the best, no one knew taehyun like jian did, but for the second time, she had failed to recognise the pain he hid behind those eyes.

it took her a while to process taehyun's words. the two sat in silence as jian reminisced her memories with the two boys. she couldn't help but smile at the precious memories she had made with both boys. taehyun and jungwon. they were both so precious. she loved them so much, just maybe not in the same way.

and, it hit her hard.

taehyun had played such a big role in her life, she never realised the boy who was always there, a step behind the older, but still making her smile all the time, had officially taken her heart. she never realised that one day, she would have to admit that she had indeed, fallen for the younger boy.

"i'm so sorry taehyun. i didn't even know. i'm so sorry. i hurt you without even knowing i was. i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry." she said, almost in tears. it hurt her knowing that she had been hurting one of the most important people in her life.

"hey. it's okay. it's not like you can control who you like. it's not your fault. we're still best friends. i can't imagine a life without you, so you're still gonna be stuck with me." taehyun said, stroking her head gently, while trying not to cry himself.

"i'm so sorry ..." she whispered as she lay in his embrace.

"just give me some time. i need to ... heal myself." he said.

"i love you taehyun. i really do."

"i love you too jian. now let's go. i'll drop you off at enhypen's practice room." taehyun said, gently leading her.

she let herself be dragged, before reaching out to hold his hand for what may become, the last time.

and that day, for the second time in his life, taehyun let go of the same girl he longed to hold onto. for the second time in his life, tears for her rolled down his cheek silently. it was as though he had been holding onto the small pieces of his broken heart, hoping that it provide him with a sense of hope and reassurance.

a/n:
- forgive me for disappearing for a few months and for the shit chapters
- here's a life update that absolutely no one asked for
1. i hate uni and my course but then again i would've hated any other course too
2. oH ENHYPEN COMEBACK ???!??!?!?!? i love <3
3. enhypen world tour except istg they will not come to aus
- okay thank you for reading