Cherlynn Journey

Chapter Twenty-Three

Done

Waking up this morning I was still weeping from last night I can't believe it but you know what this is my fault I shouldn't never fell for Lamarcus he was in a relationship when I met him and Cailyn is right a baby should have both parents in Lamarcus Junior would've had that if I haven't met his dad. It was wrong of me to even pursue him when I knew he had a woman at that time. What was I thinking? Was I that damn desperate to have someone talk to me that I sabotage my self worth.

Tears just kept running down my face as I laid here in my bed still crying hard as fuck. "Cherlynn" I hear Karl called my name as she rub my back since it was turnt against her. "Karl why me?" I asked her as I kept crying.

My phone kept going off non stop and I already knew it was Lamarcus because he's been calling all night long but I just don't have any words to say to him right now.

"Idk baby but I don't think you should end it with him you knows Lamarcus loves you in Cailyn them will do anything or say anything to get under your skin" Karl said to me while still rubbing my back. "I just don't understand it is I'm not supposed to be happy? I hate them so much Karl they always making my life a living hell for nothing I don't do anything to anyone is it always going to be like this?" I said through my tears and pulled me closer to her. "Honey I don't know but I will tell you this you deserve to be happy Cherlynn, you deserve to be a mommy, you deserve greatness girl" she said to me but I didn't respond because I don't feel that way she does about me I just can't keep doing this shit. She sense the tension that I ain't want to talk no more so she just laid behind me and we just let the silence fill the room because to me there is nothing else to say about this conversation anymore.

Buzz Buzz!!! My phone kept vibrating on the table again for the six time today and I look at the screen and like I knew, it was Lamarcus calling me but I just press the red button I ain't won't to talk to him at the moment. I still gotta think on what the heck is I am going to say to him but I do want to know where we go from here and why he tell her he would talk to her later about being a family to me his answer should've never been that he should've told her no he ain't want to be back together with her. Why didn't he say that? I know the answer he still wants to be with her why the hell he couldn't just tell me that's what he wanted.

"Ignoring him is not going to work you gonna have to talk to him eventually" Karl said getting up out of the bed now. "I ain't got nothing to say to him I honestly just want him to leave me alone he can have her I don't even care no more Karl" I said rolling my eyes because he is still calling me but I keep on avoiding his calls. He will get the hint sooner or later. "Okay, well I'm about to go call me later love you girl" she said kissing me on the cheek. "Love you too girl thanks for being here for me" I said getting up out the bed because I am going to walk her down to the door just to make sure she good. "I know boo see you later" she said giving me a tight hug and walking over to Na'Quian car that just pulled up. "Sup sis?" He said out the his window. "Hey bro" I said waving at him and watched as they left.

I walked into the kitchen to grab me a quick snack. My family still ain't home I wonder where the heck they all is at. Maybe they went out of town to see my dad side of the family we do go like twice a month to see them since they live in Albany which ain't nothing but bout three hours from Jersey City, New Jersey which is where we live.

"So this what the hell where doing? You can't answer my calls Cherlynn" Lamarcus said coming into the kitchen where I was which scared the hell out of me I thought I locked the door behind me I guess not. "You just walk-in people house without knocking" I said rolling my eyes at him as I ate my watermelon I got from the refrigerator. "You wasn't answer my calls so I came over what's up man why you ignoring me?" He asked looking at me. "Hmph why don't you tell me what's up? What was Cailyn after I hung up on you?" I asked looking at him with an raise eyebrow. "Nothing I told her I'm marrying you in I'm still going to be there for my child we ain't got to be together for me to do that" he said taking a seat next to me. "Yea I don't believe if you said that why the hell I couldn't hear why was this a secret to say? You really think I'm dumb Lamarcus because that don't sound right to me" I said rolling my eyes at his ass because I honestly don't believe him why was it a secret? Huh I ain't crazy man. "Cherlynn your overthinking this shit I don't want Cailyn man I want you, I'm sorry if me telling her we will talk about it later made you think I want her but I don't want her I want only you Cailyn knows that shit she just don't want to accept it" he said looking at me.

"Yeah whatever you only wanted my sanitary in I was a damn fool to give it to you know look at me pregnant in alone sitting here with a person who I thought wanted me but no he ain't want me like I want him he just wanted to smash in use me you made me feel the lowest I have every felt in my life even when your girl was picking on me everyday I didn't feel like I feel now congratulations you just broke me in a way I have nothing been broken before Lamarcus" I said as tears started to form in my eyes. "Cherlynn I don't know what your talking about I don't want Cailyn I have not used u for anything all I want from you is to trust me baby I'm in love with you I love everything about you I would never hurt you intentionally you mean so much to me I can't even describe the feelings I have for you please can you just trust me I need you" he said taking my right hand into his and I pulled away from him. "I don't believe you Lamarcus I can't do this anymore we are over I don't want to every see you again get out of my house" I said pulling my hand away from his and taking off the engagement ring he gave me. "Cherlynn please don't do this I love you what's really going on here is this even about Cailyn or is this your insecurities again because you know I have told you plenty of time your body in weight doesn't affect me I love what's underneath all that in it's not your pussy I'm talking about your heart you have a big heart your a wonderful person man I'm lucky to even have you in my life please don't push me away" he said trying to reach out for me but I backed away from him. "I'm serious we are through goodbye Lamarcus" I said giving him his ring back and walked away. "CHERLYNN ARE YOU SERIOUS MAN I JUST FUCKING SAT HERE IN POUR MY HEART OUT TO YOU IN YOU STILL WANT TO LEAVE ME WHY BRO TELL ME WHY YOUR DOING THIS TO US?" he yelled after me "GET OUT MY FUCKING HOUSE OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE ON YOU I DONT OWE YOU NOTHING YOU IS THE REASON WE AREN'T TOGETHER ANYMORE YOU NOT ME I KNOW YOU STILL WANT YOU CAILYN SO TAKE YOUR ASS BACK TO THE HOSPITAL WITH YOUR GIRL AND CHILD COMING INTO MY HOUSE LYING TO MY FACE IN SHIT GET OUT" I screamed at the top of my lungs as tears feel from my eyes and angry feel my heart.

"Your cold hearted man I swear I never would've thought you of all people would do me like this because your a genuine person this girl right here that's standing in front of me I don't even know her anymore yeah maybe it is for the best if we break up your not my Cherlynn maybe you need some time to find yourself again" he said shaking his head at me and walked out the outside leaving me there stunned and crying. How the hell he just switch everything up on me? I ain't the one who still got feelings for my ex he'll I don't even have a ex but I know for certain if I did I wouldn't have feelings for him anymore because all I wanted was Lamarcus why couldn't he do that for me.

I walked over to the front door and seen Lamarcus car wasn't out there anymore so I know he has left so I locked the door behind me this time for certain doubling checking because I don't need anyone else walking up in unannounced or welcome.

Taking off my clothes I still can't believe me and Lamarcus are officially over. I look down at my finger that had a ring print engraved on it because I had it on for a long time. Realizing what just happened I pour down crying again.

I got into the shower and showered for about fifteen to twenty minutes then put on some Spaghetti Strap Lace Patchwork Pink Sleepwear and got into the bed. Crying myself to sleep for the second night again.