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AUD LAWSON

Hi:)

I stared at my phone screen for a second, and even though i was bit tipsy, The effect of the small amount of alcohol i drunk wasn't completely gone, i got confused. I mean, isn't it bit weird? That someone messages you the same minute you accept their friend request?

I'm sure it's would've felt weird to me even if i was totally sober. I didn't know how much time passed while staring at that message but i didn't reply. I ended up locking my phone and heading back to where my car was. I was going home because i was tired. Not to mention that i had school the day after.

I arrived home shortly after, hoping that mom wouldn't notice me and my situation. But she was my mom and she knew how i felt. She knew me too well and i was amazed that she hadn't brought the matter up. We already discussed through the drinking thing. She said that she's giving me freedom that not many people my age  have. She said that i had to control myself and use the freedom i have well. But i wasn't. I knew i wasn't and the things are getting worse each time i look back at my past

By the time i reached home, the alcohol effect was sort of gone. I was feeling bit sleepy though and i wanted to get some rest. I took off my shoes and put my keys in the key holder and started to walk to my room. I wasn't hungry and i had already texted mom and told her i wasn't coming for dinner, which was something i regretted. I hated myself at that moment for letting her have dinner alone. She was my mom and she needed my company from time to time.

I took a deep breath and brought out a mint gum and started chewing. I went upstairs to where her room was. It was the first door to the right while my room was the last in that hallway. I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer me

" Come in" she said, voice quite yet showed how she was holding on. She always sounded that way. Like no one can drag her down. I walked in to find her wearing her glasses and reading some kind of a book. I admired her beauty for a second. Mom was beautiful and intelligent, unlike me who didn't inherit anything from her. Not even her intelligence.

They had always told me i looked like my father

I took some steps closer and preyed that she wouldn't notice anything in me. Instead of sitting, i lied next to her. I rested my head on the pillow next to hers and closed my eyes, loving how my mom's bed felt safe and warm. Mom was looking down at me from under her glasses when i opened my eyes and looked at her

" Sorry for leaving you alone mom. It's so rude of me" i said. If there was one thing i had learned from our years without the presence of dad was that i should never skip dinner. I heard her one time saying how lonely it is for her to eat by herself and from that day, i made sure to be there. Even if i didn't want to eat, i have to he there. And today, because of my carelessness and because of the stupid vodka - although it was my decision and not like the alcohol was controlling me completely - i skipped the only time i had to be with mom and now I'm afraid she's hurt

Mom run her hand through my hair and gave me her usual warm smile

" It's okey Riley. I understand that you have so much in your mind right now" she told me and i shook my head and moved closer to her, throwing my arms around her and hugging her. I was being so emotional at that moment and i knew it was related to my almost unconscious self. Mom was unbelievable i swear

" yes mom... I have a lot in my mind right now" i answered her and just closed my eyes in order to feel the moment

" but that doesn't mean you should go around drinking Riley. It's wrong. The way you're dealing with this. It's so wrong and unhealthy." i opened my eyes and sat up next to her, guilt running through my eyes because her tone showed me that she was disappointed