all in the past

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Una

"Don". Is this really my son.

"Mom". Aww he just called me mom. He rushes to me and attacks me with a hug.

"Don my baby ". I break the hug and look at my boy. He looks so handsome this baby is not even cute. "You so grow. Am i a bad mother? I don't even know your shoe size".

"Give me your hand mom". I give him my hand. He closes his eyes and i do the same. I can't read him like other people. We stay in that position for about 5 minutes until i hear sobs. I open my eyes to find Don sobbing. I let go of my hand in his hold and cup his cheeks.

"What's wrong my boy, mommy is here". I watch my baby cry this sight is painful how do parents do this i don't know what to do.

"Pain...ma.ma you're hurt mama why did they hurt you ". OMG he read me , he has my genetics.

"I was in pain my boy I'm now fine now neh now go play with the other's ". This is so scary i don't want my child to be exposed to this at a young age, reading peoples traumas is very painful it can get to you.

"Don't leave mom ". Aww his scared mommy will leave again.

"Mommy won't leave without telling you". I ressure him.

"Meaning you'll leave? Mommy can you leave with me". Aww my baby guys.

"I promise i wont leave without you my Don why would i leave without the king". He smiles and runs back to the kids. I stand up and look at Mthunzi he comes and hugs me . I breakdown in his hold.

"I failed Baba, I've been nursing my feelings that i even forgot i had a son, i forgot i brought a life, i forgot I'm not alone. I'm a selfish mother how can he forgive me after putting him on hold for that long". I cry in Mthunzi's hold. "I vowed to myself to be a better mother to my children because I've never had a relationship with my mother due to her passing i vowed to myself because i felt the void of not having a parent there to support you but here i am ,I'm a mother who hasn't seen her child in almost 4 years. Why do i keep on failing myself". He squeezes me.

"Una you better be kidding me babe , you know you love Don actually we all know you love Don . You didn't do this only for yourself but also for Don's sake you went wherever you were to become a better person a better mother to Don, look at you now healed and all but you want to relapse back on calling yourself a bad mother. When i look at you i see a very strong, beautiful, fierce and intelligence woman. Don understood that you had a battle with yourself and you had to go face your demons to get your life back and be better for everyone around cause you'll never make anyone or yourself happy when your not happy. You used to compromise yourself that's why we all could feel the negetive energy and we all wanted to help you but we failed cause we can't help a negative person who doesn't want to help herself. Una you have a good heart a very big heart every one who knows you knows that but you couldn't fully endure that part of you cause you never saw how amazing and beautiful your life is , your trauma created an image for you that you had no choice but to accept but now you fought through my love ,your a better person ,a better mother, a better sister, a better friend and a better wife so never doubt the intentions you have on people cause we all know it's always pure". Wow . I just cant.

"Mthunzi i love you so much and thank you so much ".

"There's no need to thank me ,I'd like to thank you for making me the happiest man and being the happiest man i want my wife to also be the happiest woman". He says kissing my cheeks.

"Young love ". Someone says. I look up and see Mthunzi's mom and dad . "Baba you still remember this used to be us".

"What do you mean used to be".

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