butterflies. | Ashtray X Fem

32.| venting.

32.| venting.

word count-- 958

holding onto rue's shoulders, i slowly started to feel at peace, why? well because it felt like there was nothing in the world but just me. we had been heading towards jules house since she agreed on the picnic, i really dont understand why my life had to turn in the directions they were turning too, but.. it's okay.

"heyy guys!!!" jules smiles with a cute picnic basket in her hands, i just smiled at her and so did rue, she connected the basket to her bike and kicked her kick stand up. she came down her drive way and rue allowed jules to go in front of her since jules is the faster biker. i kissed the top of rue's head gently smiling. rue was always there, literally, bad or good terms she was my guardian angel.

"you guys good, your slower the usual!" jules yelled giggling.

"im just not on drugs so i have no energy." rue yelled back panting heavily. i giggle. we were almost there, i loved these two with my whole soul.

"come on rueee." jules yells peddling faster disappearing down a hill. rue picks up the speed her hair flying in the air. i laugh putting my hands in the air. the sun had now just been setting slowly since fall was around the corner. my birthday was in a few days, today was the 18th i believe. we finally made it into the field but just not our spot.

"come on rue we're almost there." i whisper holding her hair back and she picks up the pace, not fucking up my ankles this time, we make it to the edge and jules was laying out the same rainbow blanket, this time it was filled with a acrylic painted rainbows. im pretty sure they're the only gay people i know, but their my favorite.

" finally." jules smiles running up to me and rue as we get off the bike, she hugs us at the same time.

"how have you been?" she pulls away looking at me and rue.

" im better." rue smiles at her going to sit down on the blanket.

"and you??" jules grabs my face staring at me with a huge smile. i just nod and she hugs me tightly.

"things will get better." she whispers. everyone is saying this, but think about it, when people say that shit your life never gets better, so these people are just jinxing me. i smile as she pulls away and we both walk over to sit on the blanket. i just look at the view.

"my dads been acting so weird." jules sighs.

"my mom is being the same way, she's literally on my ass. rue opens the basket taking out a box of club crackers.

"he's been asking to look through my phone and stuff, so i have to like delete everything then get it again, it's annoying." jules shakes her head shoving her hand into the box grabbing a handful of crackers.

"can you guys just be appreciative that you have parents?" i snap.

"they care okay? they just want the best for you guys so just be the best you can be while their still around." my eyes water as i fidget with my necklace.

"caye.. it wasn't suppose to be like that." jules looks at me.

"it doesn't matter, your complaining about your parents. i just-" i start to break down. jules and rue just sit there awkwardly as tears fall out my eyes uncontrollably.

"talk to us." jules places her hand on top of mine.

"im fine." i mumble.

"fine people dont cry." jules wipes my tears.

" i just feel like everything is going downhill, nothing is going as planned, nothing is going the way it use to..." i began sobbing. rue just sits there listening with her head down.

"dont you feel like the part of you holding onto ashtray is also the part of you that is hurting." jules pulls me closer leaning my head onto her lap.

"i don't know what it is anymore." i cover my face with her skirt.

"ashtray isn't the best for you anymore caye, if he was, that shit that just happened before we got here would've never happened, but it is your life and me and jules can't control it." rue says sympathically.

"she's right. do what your heart tells you." jules sighs rubbing my back.

"i want to go home." i whimper.

" im gonna head home, thank you guys." i lift myself up.

"ill take you back." rue stands up.

"no, no, i think i wanna walk." i nod.

"oh.. okay." rue gulps. i get up adjusting my backpack and leave the picnic site heading through all the trees. i have never felt so weak in my life, emotionally and mentally, i miss my parents, like hell, and there's nothing of them, i don't have anything they use to own or.. it's just so hard. imagine losing your parents, even if they treated you like shit bro, mine didn't, well maybe sometimes but they were the best, losing the people that gave you fucking life is always going to hurt.

* time skip to the house.*

i walk back into the house, kenzie and ashtray no longer in the living room, soo, i guess she went home. i sigh heavily and start heading for the hallway, i open ashtray's door and kenzie is on top of him.. they were making out. and that's when my whole world stop turning, everything just went still, so fucking still.

A/N: BRO WHEN I TELL YOU I CAME UP WITH THE ENDING IN 1 MINUTE, LITERALLY- BUT GOSH MY WRITING IS GETTING SOO BADDD. ILY GUYS THO XOXO- J.