The 'Dragon Defender'

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

I look to Plasma, who seems a lot more nervous now, but he offers me a weak smile. "Hey," he begins, his voice soft and gentle. "Don't overthink it, okay? I know that look. Just take a breath. I'm not asking you to answer right away. Take all the time you need. Honestly, I'm just glad you didn't immediately say no."

"I don't..." I finally find my words. "I don't understand... why would you like me in that way?"

"Are you kidding?" Plasma looks surprised by my confusion. "You're the most extraordinary person I've ever met! You're dedicated and passionate about those you care about, you want to keep everyone safe and help them look out for themselves, you're graceful and beautiful even when you're fighting, I can talk to you about everything I'm passionate about and you make me feel like you're genuinely interested, not just letting me ramble... like I am now."

Plasma trails off for a moment, chuckling slightly, slowly looking down. "I feel like... I feel like my life has been better since you've been in it. You make me happy, you've been a continuous source of inspiration to me. And if it takes the rest of my life, I want to return the favour. However I can."

And once again, I'm speechless. I adjust my mask, feeling my face heating up, looking away.

"That's... quite the confession..." I mumble. "I wanted to say something sooner," Plasma admits. "You didn't really pick up on my hints."

"How long have you been hinting?"

"A while."

"Oh."

Plasma chuckles at this. "Don't dwell on it. It's done now."

"Yeah..." I murmur. "Um... shall we finish our flight?"

"Of course," Plasma agrees, getting up. He offers me his hand. When I take it, he pulls me to my feet just a little too quickly, causing me to stumble into his chest. He steadies me gently by my waist, hardly long enough for me to register, before releasing me.

"... You did that on purpose."

"Is it working?"

"I will stab you."

"Let's get moving."

~•~

"Addie, I need your help!" I say as I hurry into her and Asher's cave. The pair both look up at me in surprise and panic. "What is it?! Are you hurt?!" Adriana checks immediately, rushing over to me.

"No, no! It's not an emergency!" I assure her quickly. "Sorry, I just... short of heading back to the Sanctuary I think you're the only one who can help me with something. I'm going crazy trying to wrap my head around it."

"What happened?" Asher asks, looking at me in concern, but I shake my head. "I promise it's nothing bad, but I just want to talk to Adriana about this. Sorry."

Asher seems very confused, looking as if he might try to argue for a moment, but Adriana makes a shooing motion and he reluctantly goes. "Okay, what's up?" Adriana questions me once we're alone.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone."

"That... depends what it is... if you need help, I'm sharing."

"That's not it. I... Plasma told me he likes me... like that..."

Adriana gapes at me, a grin forming on her face. "Seriously?! He did?! Oh my gods! Tell me everything!"

"We went on a flight together to catch up now he's back from travelling," I explain, letting Addie lead me to her nest so we can sit down and talk. "Looking back on it now, I should've seen the signs... he was steering the conversation towards my opinions on relationships and what I was looking for."

Adriana groans at this, collapsing back into her nest dramatically. "You're hopeless," she announces. "So what then?"

"We stopped on an island for a break... we kept talking... and then he told me all these really sweet things."

Adriana sits back up again so fast I'm surprised she didn't hurt herself. "Like what? Tell me!"

"Like..." I think for a moment to try and recall the exact wording. "He said he thinks his life has been better with me in it and that I make him happy... he told me I'm a continuous source of inspiration to him. And that he wants to return the favour."

"That's so beautiful," Adriana 'aw's at my recollection. "So what did you say?"

"I didn't give him an answer."

"Seriously?"

I hold my hands up in defence. "I've never done this before! The last person that tried flirting with me for a sword to the neck! I've never had someone that I actually care about ask me out before! And it's never been so... so sincere!"

"Well do you like him?" Adriana prompts.

"Yes! I mean no! I mean... I don't know!"

"Run that by me again?"

"I like him as a friend!" I clarify. "But I don't know if I love him! How do people know they're in love? What made you know you loved Asher?"

"When you're with Plasma, do you get the feeling like there's butterflies in your stomach?" Adriana asks. "Like you get a mix of nervous and excited at the same time?"

"I... I don't know..." I try to think about it. "Should I feel nervous about talking to him? Since when is feeling like that a good thing?"

"No, I just mean... nevermind. Uh, what do you feel when you talk to Plasma?"

I shrug. "I don't know. It feels nice to talk to him, I guess, but I don't think it's much different to talking to anyone else I actually care about."

Adriana frowns, shaking her head. "Okay, then what about looks? Do you think he looks good?"

"I guess so."

"You guess so?"

"How often do you think I think about this stuff?"

Adriana groans at this. "Do you think he looks good, yes or no?"

"Yes."

"Can you see yourself being his mate?"

"I can't see myself being anyone's mate."

Adriana looks at me for a minute, then sighs. "Okay. Imagine you said yes to being Plasma's mate. What kind of future do you imagine you would have with him?"

I think over this for a minute. What kind of future I'd have with him? But there are so many factors. If I was his mate, would he expect me to stay here forever? That doesn't sound like Plasma, but being mates is a lot different to just being friends. Maybe it would be better if he came to stay at the Sanctuary? No, he's the future Alpha here, I couldn't ask him to give that up.

And if I was his mate, what would he expect of me? I don't know what I'd have to do to be a good mate. This is all such new territory to me.

"... I can't picture it at all... there's too many things I keep questioning. I don't know any of this stuff, Addie. I don't know my own feelings. I don't know what love is supposed to feel like, I don't know if it's supposed to be any different to loving people as friends, I don't know anything except that I hate this feeling of not even understanding myself and what I want."

I lean against the cave wall, resting the back of my head against the cool stone as I let out a weak, slow breath.

"Thank you for trying to help me, Addie. But I'm just... I've honestly never been more confused in my life..."