A Bloody Grim Payne

A/N: Why I Stopped This Fic

A little explanation, because I think after a while, if anyone cares, they deserve to know.

Well, I started to lose my confidence in my writing. I felt like I got too wordy. My chapters seemed like they went on forever, even though I split them into multiple parts. But I also felt like my descriptions and dialogue were, well, not so good.

And I was way too ambitious, thinking of writing all the games into separate books without a proper plan. I was pulling words out my arse. I never had chapters ready. I wrote the chapters straight into an editing website, edited the bits were I goofed up spelling or grammar, then when I was done, I just posted them. No drafts, no second drafts, no proper plans. No chapters waiting on the backburner to be released in a week. It was like homework, back when I was at school. I waited until the last possible second.

Another thing is motivation. I love the characters, (even my OCs, not to toot my own horn) and seeing that people read my fic was a nice feeling, but I procrastinate too much, and that led to me saying "I'll do it later" over and over. I set myself dates for when I wanted the next chapter done, like "Do it for the 10th of July... Oh actually, maybe the 14th... ACTUALLY-".

I also kept getting new ideas for the characters, especially Detective Payne and her family. I still am. I should really write them down before I forget... I also kept thinking about scenarios in Seasons 2 and onwards, despite the fact that I had just started to write A Russian Case by the time I gave up. Maybe writing one-shots to get those ideas out my head could help?

I also thought of different ways that the characters could be written, like a proper divide between Detective Payne, Homicide Unit and Nicola Payne, mother of Tom. The divide would dissolve as she grew more comfortable with her team. I also felt like they should've had more time out of work to get to know each other.

And then I had a thought about Louise Payne, the Homicide Unit Chief and the other OCs I had working in the GPD. Why have them be detectives and Unit Chiefs when they could've taken the places of teammates that weren't a thing in S1, like profilers, weapons experts, etc. We could've interacted with them more, and my brain could've used more thinking, like "Ok, this lab sample goes to WHO?"

Then there's designs for OCs. I don't think I properly described Thompson or Sinclair? And I think I gave Payne too much. Poliosis, central heterochromia, a fuck-ton of freckles, AND a face scar? Maybe too much? Besides, if I was able to draw someday, and I drew Payne, it'd take so long. I also changed little bits of her design for work mode and casual mode (Mostly thanks to me thinking of future Seasons and how her design would slightly change to show how she'd been impacted.). Though the good boy Polaris stayed the same.

And then there was relationships. No secret that I planned for Nicola x Alessia (Still do, thanks to otp prompts that I insert them into... Cheers, brain. I practically made Alessia into an OC because she didn't have much.) and I planned for SUDDEN TOM'S FATHER (Changed my mind with how John-Barry would've been introduced and his relationship with his ex, son, and future partner.). I also wanted more family dynamics with Nicola and her aunt, uncle, and cousin who was hiding somewhere in Grimsborough (Not telling who that is, haha!). THEN I had ideas for families of some teammates... Then I changed them.

AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. I think I made it too fast. Payne adapted and befriended them too fast for someone who I know think to be cool with people until she gets used to them. And Jones' quest to bring himself back to who he was before his old partner's sexist, homophobic, and transphobic thoughts got in his head and made him hate himself. Because I made Jones trans and bi, but I also wanted to keep his "old-fashioned" thoughts. I dunno, maybe I could've handled it better?

Kinda based it on myself and my thoughts on that stuff when I was young before realising that I was a moron. And now I'm ace, aro, and non-binary. Ha, how times change. But yeah, I just made poor Jones go through internalised homo/transphobia twice in his life. Not sure how I'd fix it, but I'd figure something out. Probably. But I wanna keep trans and bi Jones. I like it.

And don't get me started on my original thoughts for how I wrote Trish Colletti (I gave her schizophrenia, passed down from her mother, made her snap, and then she killed Jennifer, all so she could go back to her mother. Tiny brain thought it could be interesting to have a mental illness, and to talk about her every once in a while, including her recovery. I changed my mind because my brain grew a bit. She's still crazy, but as crazy as the average aggressive killer, not a teen with aggressive audio hallucinations. I made schizophrenia sound like it makes you kill. Bad move, me. Luckily, I went back and changed that...)

As for romance, if I wanted to write Nicessia (Or Alecola? ...COLA? I dunno, mate. Not the best with ship names...) or Loutin (Louise x Martin, Nicola's aunt and uncle... Maybe Marise?) I'd have to learn how to write romance. Which would mean RESEARCH for my ace-aro arse. FUN.

So yeah, my ideas constantly changing among all the other reasons are why I stopped. And also why I'd like to try again once I have a proper plan and chapters on the back burner.

Sorry if I let you down by stopping, or by updating with a giant A/N, but I didn't want to leave this story that I honestly do care about without an explanation for why I abandoned it.

Maybe I'll try one-shots to boost my confidence in my writing skills while I plan for the future, because I'm not leaving Nicola Payne's story alone, thank you.

But I dunno, what do you, if anyone's reading this, think? Should I try one-shots at some point? And if so... Help me come up with prompts?

Also, if you have any criticism about how my fic went, or the characters, descriptions, dialogue, etc... TELL ME. I wanna make them better.

Thanks for reading if you did. BYE!