SUMMARY: Classmates come to 2nd year Hinata for advice on how to woo his best friend Kageyama, but there's just one problem. Hinata is in love with Kageyama himself and doesn't want others confessing. So he comes up with a brilliant (translation: very bad, despicable, atrocious) plan to reduce and eventually stop people from confessing to his crush.
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Stage 1: Acceptance
"Hinata-san, does Kageyama-san like cookies?"
"Yes, he does."
"Hinata-san, would Kageyama-san like it if I gave him flowers?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Hinata-kun, does Kageyama-kun like girls or boys?"
"I don't know. Ask him yourself."
Yes, it's a regular day for poor Hinata, who has to field questions every fucking day from Kageyama's admirers. They think, since Hinata is his best friend, that he is the perfect person to ask these things so that when they confess to Kageyama, it goes smoothly.
Of course, Kageyama never accepts these confessions. Or at least he hasn't so far. But this is what Hinata worries about every day. Because Hinata has been wretchedly in love with his stupidly hot and hopelessly oblivous best friend since last year. But has never told him.
It's complicated, he tells himself. He doesn't want to mess up their friendship. He doesn't want to compromise their compatibility on the court.
And, of course, he doesn't want to be rejected.
So he suffers in silence, fielding questions, watching stupid Bakeyama getting hit on by half the school, dreading the day his friend might actually like someone else.
It's a sad, lonely existence.
Until one day...
Stage 2: Obstruction
Hinata gets an idea a few months into his second year. He's going to make the daily confessions to Kageyama as awkward as possible, thus reducing their chances for success.
"Hinata-kun, do you think Kageyama-kun would like it if I wrote him a letter to tell him my feelings?"
"Oh, absolutely! He loves that." (Kageyama doesn't even read those letters.)
"Hinata-san, does Kageyama like chocolates?"
"Oh, yes. Can't get enough of them." (Chocolate gives Kageyama a headache.)
"Hinata-kun, should I scent my gift to Kageyama-kun with perfume?"
"Oh, yes. As much perfume as you can possibly put on it. He loves that stuff." (Perfume makes Kageyama sneeze.)
Hinata is quite proud of himself and makes sure to get a good seat to watch as many of these confessions as possible. It amuses him to see Kageyama's face, the one he makes when he's angry or constipated, when these poor unfortunate souls come to him with things that are exactly most likely to repel him.
Hinata pats himself on the back for being such a genius, and goes on with his life. At least this situation eases some of his despair and loneliness.
But as with all things, this gets old and Hinata gets bored, and he's back to feeling sorry for himself and worrying that Kageyama will date someone else.
What's a guy to do?
He thinks on it a while, and it does take some time given his limited mental capacity, but as with all things, when he thinks about in terms of Kageyama, he can actually be quite smart.
