I Love Her, Can She Love Me?

Chapter Seven: Not So Good Times

"Wassup fucker!!" Jacob greets me joyfully. I smile and hug him tight, "Hey shithead, how's it hanging?" "Pretty low as usual." He moves his hips in a circular motion as he says this. I laugh and punch his arm softly. "Cmon let's get fucked up." He pumps his fists in the air, "Whoo whoo!! Anths here!!"

I shove him and smile as we head inside his house. I sit and start to roll while he grabs shot glasses and solo cups. "Anyone else joining us?" I glance up, "Anyone else? Who the fuck-" I stop my sentence and almost drop the blunt I was rolling.

I fight back tears and try to focus on rolling, "Nah no one else." I half whisper through gritted teeth. Jacob sighs and sits beside me with a solo cup of Jack. "Do you love her still man?" He asks softly, I close my eyes as flashbacks fill my head. Man why the fuck am I thinking about her. I have, well at least I think I have Ms. Downes. I start to reminisce.

"What the fuck Deb?!" My head pounds and I start to see red as my girlfriend kisses another guy. I get up and start slinging chairs behind me as I make my way towards them. Jacob and my friends struggle to get me to calm down and walk away. I yell at them to fuck off and to let me at that fucker.

Debbie seems...nonchalant to say the least. I finally get tired of being pulled on so I throw up my hands. My friends immediately let go and I storm off to the bathroom. Jacob was the only one who followed as I started punching the soap dispenser until it flies off the wall.

Jacob sits on the sink in silence while I punch whatever I can. I finally stop punching and just breathe heavily while blood gushes from my knuckles. Jacob helps me to the sink. He wets a couple paper towels and tries to hand them to me. I don't grab them I don't move I'm...frozen.

He looks at me then shrugs and starts cleaning my knuckles for me. I feel tears burn in my eyes and shake my head. As soon as he's done I rush out of there and start walking towards my locker. I'm not paying much attention as I bump into someone. I look to see who I hit and immediately feel bad.

I see Ms. Downes scrambling to pick up the papers I made her drop. I silently start helping her pick them up. She grabs her glasses and smiles, "Oh thank you so much Anthony I- oh my goodness gracious what happened to your hands honey?!" She gasps softly as she examines my fucked up knuckles. I shrug in response hand her the papers and try to walk away.

She grabs my hand gently and I yank it away instinctively. She gasps softly again and I freeze. I can't move I can't speak I'm just...stuck. I feel tears coming again and this time I just let them flow. She gently guides me into her room and sits me in the "Mental Health Corner".

She hugs me for a moment before grabbing her first aid kit and tending to my cuts. She sits in silence while I cry and sniffle like a baby. A stupid fucking baby. She wipes my tears with a tissue and hands me the box. "You're not a baby for having emotions Anthony. You're also far from stupid."

I glance over as I clean my face up and shake my head. I clear my throat before speaking, "So you heard that huh?" She smiles and nods. "Well I shouldn't be crying. I'm a man not a kid." She shakes her head and finishes wrapping my hands.

"It takes a real man to show his feelings to show that well that he's human. You're not a robot Anthony. You're allowed to be upset, to yell, to cry whatever. You're allowed to have emotions." I sniff and nod wiping my nose. "Now, what's made you so upset?" I look at her and before I know it I start spilling my guts getting emotional all over again.

Once I finish explaining myself I feel a bit better. She brings over a soda and peanut butter cups to me. I take them gratefully as she sits in the other bean bag chair. "Well Anthony," she says as she smooths her skirt, "It sounds to me that this girl isn't someone who cares for you in the way you want her to." I sip my soda and nod. Maybe this isn't so bad. I mean I fell in love with Ms. Downes while I was in a relationship. Was I cheating for loving someone else? No, I didn't act on it. Her, She acted on it. Why. Why me.

"Maybe you should focus on yourself and your studies for a while hm? I know that doesn't help your heart but if you distract yourself and keep your brain busy it may help you. Everyone is different," she says as she places her hand on mine. "Do what makes you happy and what helps your heart." I smile and nod at her. She squeezes my hand gently and smiles back at me.

I get up and help her up as well. She hugs me and I feel a lot better. She goes over to her desk writes something and brings it back to me. It was her personal email. She told me that if i ever needed to talk to someone that I had her. I smile and nod at her. She pats my back and walks me to the door. She's definitely my favorite teacher now. I shake my head and smile a little.

"Nah man she wasn't fuckin worth it." Jacob smiles at me and holds his cup up and hands me mine. "Damn right!! I'll drink to that." I smile and cheers him as we race to finish. I missed my buddy.