Days of Decay

Chapter Thirty Four

Asha went willingly back to her room after dinner. She didn't utter a word, her mind was working in overdrive, noticing every detail of the route she walked back. They forgot to blindfold her this time, perhaps it was from the commotion at the dinner table. Either way, Asha used it to her advantage, picking out any possible escape route. Looking for anything she could use as a weapon somehow. She disappeared into herself. The stinging from the back of her neck reminding her every second that the only way she would truly feel happy, was if she killed Jude, in the worst way possible.

As they were walking down one of the many crooked hallways, Asha noticed one of the Samaritans slinking out of a room. She peered in through the open door to what lay behind and instantly her stomach knotted. There, lining the walls, were cages upon cages of rats. The smell of sawdust hit her and just before the door was shut quickly, she caught wind of their scurrying, nibbling sounds.

The whole thing was an act; a fatal play designed to capture the audience, literally.

Once back in her room, she lay down on the bed and flopped her limbs so that Harry had an easier job of shackling her to the posts. He looked at her, concerned, but eventually left her to sleep. And she slept, for a long time, dreaming of glistening metal, iron blood and wide smiles.

When she woke up, she was alone, which was a rarity since Jude seemed to make a habit of watching her sleep. This morning however, he was nowhere to be seen. Asha let out a small yawn and her stomach growled at her. She frowned and looked towards the door.

"Room service!" She yelled, a huge smirk on her face.

When no-one answered her, she sighed and geared herself up.

"I SAID, ROOM SERVICE!" She screamed murder.

Not a second later, the door opened and in came Harry with a look of pleading on his face. He held his hands up and waved her to be quiet.

"What the hell are you playing at?" He asked, his voice hushed.

"Did the King not manage to wake up to be by my side today?" She asked cheerily, sending Harry's expression into a state of confusion.

"What?" He breathed. "No, he's busy with stuff."

"Did send you as his replacement? Did you not want to watch me sleep? I've grown used to it now, I sort of like it. It makes me feel special," she smiled, not feeling connected to herself.

"What's gotten into you?" He asked, his eyebrows pinched together.

"Oh, I don't know. It could be the fact that one of my friends is dead... or it could be the fact that the boy that I love is being hidden from me... or it could be the pins that have been creating little hells in my body... or it could be the fact that I now have a wonderful 'J' crusting with blood at the back of my neck... or... do you really need me to fucking carry on?" She growled, narrowing her eyes at the lanky, green-eyed boy.

"No."

"When is it that you're going to help us? Because, around about now would be ideal," she spat.

"I-I don't think I can," he stuttered, rubbing his arms with his now shaking palms.

"Harry," Asha muttered accusingly. "You spineless little..."she paused, feeling tears spring at her eyes, her reality truly setting in. "You said if I escaped you wouldn't be able to help my friends. Well I didn't leave, I'm right here. So, save us. Stick to your fucking word!" She cried.

"I'm sorry," he said lowly before quickly leaving the room, shutting the door loudly behind him.

Asha stared up to the stars. Tears pooled in her eyes before they spilled slowly down to her ears, making the pillow wet. He was their last hope, and he was a coward. Served her right for putting her faith in a scared little boy who couldn't stand up to his older brother.

She stayed in a state of suspended sadness for what felt like an eternity. Not feeling the energy to even move a finger, or cry. Time went by in a strange way in the Samaritans' house. Night turned into day without a warning, hours seemed to last weeks, sleep came when it wanted. Asha had lost track of how many nights she'd spent there, but she rationally estimated it to be three nights, no matter how impossible that felt.

As the sky outside turned orangey pink, its light seeped through to her. Asha wondered whether she would ever get the chance to enjoy the warmth of it on her skin ever again. The harsh truth of what lay ahead of her in life knocked her. If she couldn't get out, she was looking at her life ending in less than two weeks. And what kind of life would she lead? Certainly not one of fullness. It would be spent in pain, in confinement and in grief.

She couldn't end her life happily.

"Mamá," Asha started, quietly. "I don't know if you're there, but I hope you are," she felt a little silly, speaking in the empty room, but an odd sense of comfort fell over her from it. "I think it's time. Lo Siento, Mamá. I tried, I tried really hard to stay alive. But I think I might actually die soon. And I'm not sure if knowing it makes me feel any better. You didn't know you were going to die. Or maybe you did, in the last few seconds, I bet you were really scared!" She cried out loud, tears flooding, wishing she still had her ring.

"I'm scared now too. I thought I could make it, Mamá. I thought I was brave and strong. But I can't get out. Kit's here too, somewhere, he misses you. I guess we'll die together. There's something poetic about that, huh?" She took in rapid breaths. "I think I fell in love, Mamá. Better late than never, right? I think you'd like him, you'd be pinching his cheeks and forcing feeding him your special pico de gallo with tortillas," she paused, composing her cries, her head felt hot.

"...I'm going to die as someone who isn't me. I'm not the woman you raised. I've done so many horrible things. I've killed people, I've liked killing people. I'm a monster, Mamá, a real-life monster. And I'm sorry for that. I hope that when I join you, you can forgive me for everything that I've done to get here. I hope you're proud of me. I know that even if you weren't you'd still tell me you were. You were always a good mum like that. I miss you, Mamá. It's not long now. I'll see you again soon, and I'm going to give you and Ella and Papa the biggest hug ever. We can be a family again." The hazel-eyed girl whimpered, shaking on the bed until she fell back into a rough and winding sleep.