Beautiful Pain

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 10

I didn't give her a clear answer that day. Her exact words were "Don't say anything because it might shatter my heart."

And so, I stayed quiet...but would I have really shattered her heart? If I said anything, would it have been rejection? that thought has been circling in a loop inside of my head. I still don't know the correct answer I would have given myself.

I thought I could escape the topic completely, but even at dinner, the Emperor had remained to hint at our relationship. He had kept bringing it up, and my answer was always "Rumia & I will only ever be friends."
I had felt that I was friendzoning her but I didn't think she cared...until one day.

"When can I expect you two to get married?" he asked again one day at dinner almost as if he's never asked before. He most likely hoped my answer will change. He was smiling, like he loved the idea of us together.
At first, I assumed Rumia would be playing along like always & I thought it may have been a joke but then she said in a hushed tone "I'm just waiting for him to propose first."
So now, i'm not too sure.

She only answered such a way because she confessed to me & now she has no shame in making me blush at random times.

Do I like her?...Do I love her?...
I thought to myself.

Meeting her was never part of the plan...but I do not regret it one bit.

...

"You're getting more elegant wielding that sword." Rumia informs me, in a cheery mood.

She still acts the same around me & calls me a loser from time to time almost like nothing even happened.

"I'm a warrior. There's nothing elegant about that." I laugh.

I haven't missed a lesson with her even once since the day she confessed to me. I felt obligated to but moreso, I felt I needed to be with her. I am so facinated by the way she teaches or even speaks.

"If you decide to marry a princess one day...then these techniques will come in handy...for when you need to protect her."

I know she was aiming at herself...but then, she glances at the floor, appearing saddened.
She was thinking about me marrying someone else one day. I was certain of it.

I would never do that to her, even if I never gave her a clear answer, I wouldn't betray her like that.

"Don't look so sad." I point my sword at her. "I'm still here...you haven't got rid of me just yet...remember?"

Though, I always remind her of these words...Today just seems different.

She looks up at me. "Yeah...but I guess that just isn't enough."

Normally, she'll laugh & agree...but this was not the case today.

"What is not enough?" I ask, approaching closer.

I place my hand on her cheek with a tender touch but she smacks it away, stepping back, swiftly.
"All this, all that you're giving me, right at this very moment...is not enough...at least not for me."

She lifts up her sword case & the bag she bought with her. "Sooner or later, you will leave...And i'm not going to stand around & watch it happen."

She begins to walk out of the door but I chase after her.
"Wait!...Rumia!"
I make it outside, catching my breath.
"What do you mean?...What makes you think i'm going to instantly leave you behind?!"

All of this was so sudden, coming from her. She was happy just moments ago...so why is she suddenly acting like this?

She takes in a deep breath & briskly swings around.
"You're going to leave!...You will find someone else to care for & forget about me. I just know it...And I don't want to wait & get even more attached to you so please...just..."