Inquisitormaster One shots (fluff/smut/ angst)

☔Don't push me away (Luclight)☔

Ships:Luca x Light
Genre:Angst and slight fluff
Word count:2897
Warnings: Implied r@pe/ implied anorexia and making out
Description:Light's trauma recovery doesn't go well and his panic attacks get worse and Luca takes care of him. But Light still can't talk about his feelings and keeps pushing everyone away.

"Light!" "Damn it, Luca, I'm fine. It's okay. Stop it." "No it's not okay and you know that." "Luca." Light gave him a warning glare. "Drop it. I'm serious." Luca sighed and glanced at his boyfriend, who was sitting on their bed, pretending he hadn't spent the last few hours crying in silence. At least that's what Luca could tell from his face, which was red and a bit puffy. Someone else would have looked stupid, but Light couldn't be not pretty. It just wasn't possible for Light not to be absolutely stunning. The moment Luca had walked into the room minutes ago, Light had looked away and quickly buried his face in a book, not daring to look Luca into his eyes. Instead he hid his face, hoping Luca wouldn't have seen the drying tears on his cheeks. Luca had gotten home from work earlier than planned. And now he was pretending nothing had happened and it hurt Bradley more that his boyfriend was suffering than the fact that he wasn't honest with him. He understood that it wasn't easy for Light to talk about his weaknesses and fears. Light thought that what had happened showed how weak he was and vigorously avoided the subject. Luca sat down on the bed next to his boyfriend and pulled him into his arms, but Light had other plans. He squirmed out of the hug and stood up, still not looking at Luca. "I'll go and take a shower. I feel a bit sticky." he announced and without looking back he left the room. Luca followed him with his eyes in frustration, but didn't say anything and didn't dare to stop him. Nobody said it would be easy. In fact, he had known from the start that a relationship with Light would be challenging. But he had figured Light's constant arrogance and teasing would be the problem. He hadn't expected his boyfriend to push him away and not let him get to him, either emotionally or physically.

Silently, Light looked in the mirror and critically examined his body. He was sure he had gained weight, even if the scales said otherwise. His skin had lost the glow that had always made him shine and the dark circles under his eyes made him look older than he was. To be honest he even felt older than he was. Weak and powerless. He gave his reflection a brief grin, but it didn't look charming like usual, it looked terrible. What did Luca see in him? He didn't know what was endearing about him, what Luca wanted from him at all. He wasn't special. Of course he was one of the best squad members and he was very talented and smart, but that didn't matter when it came to love, did it? Did Luca only stay with him out of pity? Because he didn't want to leave him alone? He just couldn't imagine that from his boyfriend. On the other hand, he didn't know how he, Light, could be loved either. He was desirable and usually very handsome, but at that moment his glamor and beauty had faded. He grimaced in disgust and looked away from the mirror. He couldn't look at his own reflection any longer. He knew these self-doubts were stupid and unjustified. But all he saw when he looked at himself was how weak he was in the man's grip. How weak, worthless and ugly he felt under the grip of those dirty hands and how he just wanted them to stop touching him. He shuddered at the memory and as he stood under the hot water his thoughts finally stopped and he washed all the pain and tears off his body. He couldn't show himself vulnerable. Something like that should never happen again. He couldn't allow any weakness.
When he got out of the steaming shower 20 minutes later, he was glad that the mirror was steamed up and he couldn't take a look at himself, because only an exhausted and sunken face would look back at him. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he walked into the room he and Rooster shared since he wasn't staying at his own place anymore. Luca found it important that Light was alone as rarely as possible and fell asleep in his arms every single night. Safe and secure. And Light was thankful for that, because if he was honest he wouldn't be able to get an eye closed at night without Luca. Nightmares plagued him and if he couldn't cling to Luca he couldn't go back to sleep. Sometimes he would wake up at night and couldn't breathe. And each time Luca pulled him closer and slowly Light was able to calm down and eventually slip back into a far more peaceful sleep. He was absolutely helpless and lost without Luca and he hated it.