trustworthy | j bellingham

𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸

"SINCE I was the one who initiated the conversation, i guess i'll start.." Jude murmured.

You remained quiet for a bit. This all came as a shock to you really.

Were you fond about how things were going between you and Jude these past years?

No

Did you want it to go back to how it was?

Yes

But are you ready to talk it out?

No.

"I'm going to try and say things without bringing up too much of what happened. It happened 3 years ago, and i've moved past it but I haven't tried to reach out to you and actually talk it out. So that part's on me" He chuckled awkwardly.

"it's on me too." You finally said.

He looked at you blankly but returned a smile before speaking again.

"The stuff I called you, the things I accused you of weren't the nicest and trust me I regret it with my whole life. In that moment though, the anger and jealousy got to me to the point where I did actually think you were selfish or that you had ruined the party for Jobe." Jude sighed.

september 2018.

"lana why exactly are you here?" he asked

"i thought we were like family."

"thats bullshit jobe won't ever forgive you now"

your eyes began to well up but you didn't want to cry especially infront of an angered jude.

"i hate you" you spat.

"you made me think Jobe would never speak to me again." You dryly said looking down at the floor, your face painted with disappointment.

"i know, i'm sorry"

"you let me go a whole year believing your entire family wouldn't forgive me for something I thought wasn't my fault."

"i know"

"the way i was so shocked when Jobe continued to interact with me even after what happened because I had this idea forced on me that he'd hate me forever."

"i know"

"stop saying I know, if you knew you wouldn't have let it happen, if you knew you wouldn't have lost your cool, if you knew you wouldn't have gone on with your life like you didn't play a big part in ruining things." You suddenly lashed out.

"How would you know if I went on with my life as normal? you don't know anything that went on after that event."

"look lana i'm really trying to make things work" he says again.
"I also won't forget what you had said to me."
"you made me think that you hated me and would never forgive me."
"when I stopped receiving messages, calls, or anything from you, that made me instantly believe what you had said."
"you made me feel that I had lost my bestest friend."

"you did" I bluntly stated

"And that's the issue"

"i'm sorry."
"i'm sorry I said i hated you, i'm sorry i screamed at you, i'm sorry i made you feel neglected and unwanted, i'm sorry i may have taken your 'spotlight', i'm sorry it may have looked like Denise prioritised me over you, i'm sorry it looked like Jobe preferred me as an older sibling, i'm sorry I messed things up at his birthday party, i'm sorry I was the reason why his birthday party was ruined, i'm sorry i ruined the relationship we had and i'm mostly and still sorry to what i basically made Jobe go through on his 14th birthday regardless if he's forgiven me."