Visiting Hours | yoonmin |

Kisses and Hugs for you

The things that she'll learn from me, I got them all from you

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Until now, I'm still wondering. What if you never left? What if you are here with us? So many what ifs flowed through my mind. Hours and hours on end, I would think of fake scenarios about me and you happily raising Yeoreum, sometimes fighting for who will come to her on her recognition day to claim her medal or who will tuck her bed. Just like that. And when I'm on the edge of losing myself, you're words echoed through my mind.

"Don't stay in the past. Live for what's the present has to offer and make the best out of it."

It sounds like you're scolding me for doing that. It makes me laugh bitterly. You never left my mind. Not one bit. Okay, maybe sometimes when problems invade that private space in my head, but eventually, you'll come back, sending me your lessons in a specific situation.

You're my adviser. You taught me many things my past teachers never even mentioned.

So, in exchange, I also taught them to our Yeoreum, which by now, is finally entering 'mature stage' although she's still 8. Questions were always asked to me before she sleep. Of course, I found difficulty in asnwering her. However, whenever I think about you, answers just come out. I may admit, I sound like you now. And Yeoreum seems to notice.

"Papa, you sound like Appa".

Her remark almost pushed me out of my chair. Me and our daughter were in a restaurant to celebrate one of her victories on her competitions.

"How did you know?", I asked, clutching my chest as I inhaled.

Really, love. There comes a time when I feel like I'm talking to you. Your sassiness vibrated off from her body.

"I just know. Appa visits me on my dreams and he talks like you. He told me you sound like a dork when you're nervous.", she giggled, showing off her bunny teeth.

"Really? He told you that?", I lowered my head to hide my tears.

I'm always weak when everyone say your name. Since you left, you took half of my heart.

"Yes. Oh, and he said to me that I should take care of you because you're clumsy without him."

I chuckled sadly. It's true.

"Papa, I'm here for you." She took my hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. The lights outside illuminated on her, and for a moment, I saw you sitting there beside her, smiling heartily.

Jimin. I miss you so f*cking much.

"Come here, darling." I motioned our daughter to come and sit on my lap. She obeyed, putting her head on my chest. I held her tightly, kissing the top of her head which smelled a lot like you. Strawberries with a hint of vanilla from the shampoo you used to apply on your lovely and colorful hair.

"I'm sad because you're sad, Papa." She stated, caressing my hand.

She looked at me, concerned.

"Darling, if someone you love is sad, all you have to do to wipe their sadness away is to hug them and kiss their cheek. Just like Appa always did to me when I'm down."

Yeoreum smiled. She kissed my cheek temderly, then hugging me, putting her small grabby hands on my neck.

"I hope you're okay now, Papa." Yeoreum pulled away to look at me, once again, her bunny smile showing.

"Super fine now, darling. Thanks to my little bunny right here." I patted her head and chuckled.

We then finished our meal and went home.

At that time, whenever I glanced back, I always thought I saw a glimpse of you, wearing a white suit, your eye smile on display. You always watch us, don't you?

I wish I have some special ability to talk to ghost. Unfortunately, God didn't provide it to me, but it's okay. He always let me see you. Letting me have a glimpse of you, even in a few seconds. I'm contented.

"Papa?".

"Hmmm?".

"Does everything in this world change?", she asked me, giving me one of her daily random questions before bedtime.

"I would say, yes darling. Nothing in this world is permanent. Just like how a tree wither and die. On the bright side, if there's something that dissapeared, there's always another one to fill the gap. A replacement. So that the remaining ones will not feel bad or sad about it." I said, putting the blanket over her to make her warm.

"That's so.. Awesome." She whispered, a yawn escaping her lips.

"That's right. What's more awesome is that you to rest. You more energy tommorow to play. Ok?".

"Okie." Yeoreum closed her eyes.

I was about to walk out when I heard her say,

"Goodnight, Papa. I love you."

Our daughter is growing up so fast. In just one blink, she'll turn into an adult, ready to face everything and I'll be alone again.

"You're never alone, Yoongi. I'm here for you."

I remembered your words when I told you my problems back then.

I sighed and smiled.

I know, my love.

I know. You never really abandoned me. Because I still can feel you beside me.

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