The Closet Is Made Of All Kinds Of Wood

Chapter Nine - Destroying

Lilly's Perspective

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I prise the bed sheets from my body, realising that I'm tucked in to bed tightly. How the fuck did I get neatly dressed in clean pyjamas? I don't remember anything that happened last night before I got in the bath.

I stand up and open a window, catching sight of my slashed wrists. They've been hastily bandaged, as if someone was in a great hurry when they plastered them. The sun is shining brightly in the sky, and every glance intensifies my headache by a million times. My ears are ringing, and I can feel my heart throbbing all throughout my body. Whatever Monique gave me last night that shit was strong. I'm still feeling the effects now.

I recall back to what actually took place last night, only to find that my memory cuts out after a certain point. I remember feeling depressed, calling Charlie, and then Charlie sent Monique out to me with everything I could need. The batch was meant to last a week, but I took it all in one go.

After Monique gave me the goods, she handled the money while I ran a hot bath. After I injected, I got into that bath - and then nothing. My memory goes blank. I vaguely recall someone screaming, but I think it was just a hallucination.

A noise from behind stirs me from the window, and I'm surprised to find Abby waking herself up. She was lying next to where I slept. Had she been there all night? It must have been her who was screaming.

"Good morning," she says, rubbing her eyes. She's wearing her school uniform, and while dishevelled, she looks as perfect to me as ever. "Did you sleep well?"

"Like a log." I say. I don't remember dreaming anything, but that might be because my head hurts if I think too hard on my current state.

Her face turns dark as she says the next few words. "I'm fucking sure you did because you bloody passed out on me," Her voice is raised with every syllable. "What drugs did you take last night Lilly? I thought we told each other everything, but you didn't tell me you were addicted to drugs!"

I don't know what to say to her. I want to tell her the truth, but I don't want her to know how broken I feel inside. I don't want the one I love to have to worry about me. So I lie.

"That was the first time I've done anything, I swear Abby. Monique just randomly came round, so I decided to try a few things. I regret it now, and it will never happen again." I swallow after I say the final words. I hope Abby can't see how visibly shaking I am. I'm so nervous. If we break up because of a stupid habit of mine, I think I would kill myself.

A look of concern fills her face, but I can see relief in her eyes. Her voice is now quiet, almost unhearable. "Lilly, I was so fucking scared last night; I thought you were going to die. Please don't ever let that happen again." She clears her throat and makes a more solid statement. "Promise me you'll never do drugs again. Please Lilly?"

I feel terrible, as I lie once more.

"Promise."

Her face breaks into a smile, she lights up with joy. "Let's never talk about this again."