Forever Rain

Chapter 5

Rain

Another three weeks have passed, and I finally feel more situated with my circumstances. My courses are definitely more challenging, and I've spent double the amount of time studying than I normally needed. Between school work at the library and tutoring during the weekends, my days have passed by in a whirl, and I've avoided being home most of the time, only arriving for sleep and a shower.

Recently, I've learned that Mrs. Lattle had an obscure obsession with bunnies. With the little money I've made from tutoring, I bought her a scarf that had bunnies in different colors patterned from the front to the back. She was genuinely pleased, and I can only hope she understood the amount of gratitude I felt for her in my minuscule gift.

Lila and I have grown quite close, and I soon realized she was different from every other girl I've ever met. There was no jealousy or competition between her and I, but instead, she always complimented me when I looked good, or gave me feedback on what not to wear again. I've never imagined that I would be able to make a friend out of any of these privileged kids, but Lila's heart was pure. She was modest, and although coming from money, she had dealt with the despair of living a life of ridicule and mockery based on her mother's past career and poor choices.

Damon. Damon hasn't spoken to me again since that day, and I've figured that he's finally faced the fact that I'm not worth the trouble. The difficulty lies in the classes we share, because both our bodies became rigid every time we were close. I've caught him a few times looking at me, only to dart his eyes away when I returned the gaze.

I've never felt this way about anyone—the rapid heartbeats, the dryness in my throat, the sharpness in my ribs, the gurgling in my stomach—and I am afraid to admit that Damon possessed that kind of affect over me. What made him so different? His wealth and godlike physical features? Have I become such a superficial girl?

Either way, it was a relief that I wouldn't have to deal with the dilemma, now that he's given up on me and rightfully so.

It's the break right before my last period, and I'm gathering my coat from my locker to avoid coming back after class. I shut the locker door and Damon's face appears, sending me backwards in a jolt, as he reaches out to pull me back by the waist, quickly withdrawing it once I'm upright.

"Jesus, Damon. What are you doing?" I ask him, still trying to catch my breath, placing a hand over my chest.

"Go out with me, Rain," he tells me sternly.

I cannot believe my strength is being put to the test again and now my hand is no longer able to contain the pounding against my chest. I've thought he's moved on to the next girl by now. It's been three weeks since he's talked to me, and he just pops out of nowhere, asking me to go out with him? I should tell him no and to leave me alone, but the words are stuck in my throat.

"It doesn't have to be as a couple. Even as a friend. As classmates." The plea in his voice causes a jerking feeling behind my chest, and I can feel the air becoming thinner.

"Damon, I'm really not worth it. Why do you even bother?"

"Because no matter how hard I've tried, I can't stop thinking about you, Rain."

Where does this boy learn to talk like this? Every conversation between us sends me on a hypnotic trip. I know he's curious, probably never had been turned down by another girl in his life, especially such an insignificant girl. But he'll never understand that I can't subject myself to what will become of us when his interest in me has worn off. 

I turn in the opposite direction and start heading for my last class. He can't be that selfish, asking me to risk everything to temporarily entertain him. But how could he possibly know how much I had to lose just by simply dating? I mean, high school girls do it all the time, some of them changing boyfriends more often than changing their shoes.  

We arrive in front of my class, Damon obviously not letting this go until I make it clear to him. Turning to face him, I lift my gaze to strictly address the subject. 

"Damon, I can't. You won't understand, but I don't want to get involved with anyone right now. And I'm hoping that you can respect that and stop making this so hard for me." 

"Why is it hard to turn me down? Do you have feelings for me, too?" he asks me bluntly, as if the question isn't fully loaded with serious accusations. 

My face is burning, and I just want to disappear, because I don't want to answer his obscene questions. 

"It doesn't matter. Just stop. Ok?" I leave him to enter my class and is grateful that he doesn't follow me. I take my seat in the back and glance towards the doorway, Damon's eyes studying me, hands shove in his pocket, looking like he belongs on a runway, not the school's hallway. I turn on my tablet and pretend to be occupy with it and notice from my peripheral vision that he finally leaves. 

I have gone through much of my life accepting the misfortunes of it, but now, I wish that it could have been different. I've missed so many of life's little moments—moments that many took for granted—such as birthday parties, tooth fairies, help with homework, or even bedtime stories. For once, I yearn to simply accept a boy's request to go out with him, a handsome and considerate boy at that.

"You know he just feels sorry for you, right?" I don't speak to anyone in this class, and wave the comment off, but something about the way it was being said made me turn to the seat next to me. Lizzy. 

"Go back to your seat, Lizzy," I tell her with an eye roll. I've met girls like her before, and if she thinks she can intimidate me, well, she's got the wrong person. 

"Look, we might have started on the wrong foot, but I'm not the bitch you think I am." Yeah, I highly doubt she wants to know exactly what I think of her. 

"Did he tell you that he liked you because you are smart? That he admires that about you?" Her question pierces through my heart, but I refuse to let her see how it has affected me, keeping my eyes lock on my tablet's screen. "Oh my god, he did. Poor Rain, thinking she was special. Newsflash: he's said the same thing to all of us. Sure he's after the smart girls, but he's had plenty of them—ones with more brains, more beauty, and more money than you could ever dream of ever possessing. Yet, he didn't last more than a few weeks with any of us. So what do you think you can offer him that he hasn't had?" 

I swallow back the tears, tears that have never been easily drawn, yet, now lay ready to protrude at any minute. "What do you want Lizzy? Like honestly? Are you that bored with yourself or is your life that unfulfilling that you have to bother me with this nonsense?"

"I'm just trying to have your back, buddy. You know, remind you where you stand at this school? Which is at the very bottom, as in the gunk that we step on and can't get off our Tory Burch's. Tory Burch is a brand, by the way, one that you can't afford. Maybe I'll give you one of mine that I can't seem to get that gunk off of." 

She pushes her stool away and stands to leave, a satisfied smirk spreads across her face, her red hair like fire of hell expelling from her scalp. I can easily grab her hair and pull her face to my fist, and she can take that stupid smirk with her to the hospital. But instead, I clutch the seat of my stool, reciting the periodic table in my head, trying to calm every nerve in my body. 

I know there is truth behind her insults. Lots of truth. But I refuse to give her that power over me. Besides, I have long decided I want nothing to do with Damon Welding, so her warnings and threats are useless against me. Yet, there is a tugging behind my chest that makes it just a little hard to breathe, and I wave it off as a feeling from lack of food.

Seven more months and I will free myself from this judgmental purgatory. I won't let these pesky remarks made by small, insignificant people phase me now.