Forever Rain

Chapter 19

Rain

"You're never going to believe who I ran into the other day." Lila grabs another slice of pizza, the slice she swore she wouldn't take.

"You can eat all you want, but I don't want to hear complaints later," I scold her, discarding the empty box. We stop at a park bench aside the lake, checking the seats for bird poop before sitting down. "You go first, and I'll tell you who I ran into."

"I'm excited to hear yours, but I have to tell you first. I ran into Cam," she sings enthusiastically. Huh, what are the chances?

"Yep, crazy right? You with Damon and now, me with Cam. It was strange, Rain. You would think the way we ended things so abruptly, it would have been awkward when we saw each other again. But it wasn't. We picked up the conversation like we've been in contact all these years." There's an indication of sadness and regret behind her voice, and I sigh as I look at my gorgeous friend.

"I don't know why you guys broke up in the first place. I know you guys were always fighting, but it was cute, never anything serious." I remember how she cried for weeks, and it was all she and I did that month—crying together, crying separately, crying in our bedrooms, crying in our car. It was a really depressing month to think about it.

"We were getting too serious, and I got cold feet. I didn't want to be tied down to someone from high school. I wanted to explore my possibilities. Who knew the possibilities were so horrendous, even in college?"

I think about all the one-night stands Lila had, careful to never bring them back to the apartment, but calling me with remorse and disgust the next morning. She hasn't been happy with anyone the way she was with Cam, and I feel a dreadful despair that it was because of me that she terminated her relationship with him.

"Lila, maybe I shouldn't have put so much on you back then. I probably scared you with my pregnancy and the resulting drama and you—"

She holds up a hand to my face, silencing me. "I don't want to hear it. I've told you many times, it has nothing to do with you. I would have had more regret if I wasn't there for you guys. Besides, you can't truly appreciate something until you lose it. Ultimately, it was my decision to leave him."

Damn, I guess it is true then, because it's something that has been lingering on the back of my mind. Did I let Damon go for the better of his future, or was it because I thought I could have someone better? No. The reason for leaving Damon was never due to a prospect of finding someone better, because even until now, I truly believe Damon was one of the best things to happen in my life. It was a sacrifice I had to make for the both of us.

"Hey, stop doing that thing where you get lost in your thought and get stuck in a vortex of misery," Lila says, elbowing me in the side.

"I don't do that," I deny, but secretly amazed that she can understand me on that level. Lila's quiet for a few minutes, taking a few deep heaves, looking out into the lake, then beyond the trees. I know she is preparing herself to tell me something difficult, something I will not be tickled to hear.

"Rain," she turns to me with hesitation, "do you ever think that you should have told him when you first found out? That he deserved to know and had a choice in it?" There were moments when I knew she questioned my decisions, but this was the first time it had been spoken.

I can't face her, the hurt looming inside me. It's not from Lila asking me the question, it's the fact that I have asked myself the same question many times over the years, and recently, it has turned fierce and excruciating.

"I know why you did it," she continues when I don't answer, "and with his success now, I'm sure it's confirming that you did the right thing. But there has to be a reason that you guys have met again like this. Maybe the universe is giving you another chance. Giving you both another chance."

"I know, Lila, and I know I'm being a wimp about it. But I swear it's going to be done. I'm just trying to find the right moment. And last night was not the right moment. Which leads me to the person I saw."

"Oh yes, who was it?" There is excitement back in her voice, and I am relieved that the melancholy conversation had dispersed.

"I saw Lizzy." I watch Lila's eyes grow, as I nod my head. "And she's been keeping in touch with Damon. I'm just not sure on what level. She was surprised to see me with him. Irritated, but surprised."

I tell her about the malicious comments Lizzy made, and how I was able to conjure a snide remark of my own, leaving her stupefied and Damon amused.

"It's about damn time you told her. You would think she's grown out of the bitchiness. Apparently not." Lila makes a disgruntled face, displaying her exact thoughts towards Lizzy. I shrug, not wanting to put any effort in getting angry. Lizzy has always had her claws for me, and I guess it's not something that she cares to change. "I think she's jealous of you."

I nearly choked on my spit when Lila said this. "Why would she be jealous of me? That is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard." The girl who has everything versus the girl who has nothing. There was no competition because I don't even qualify to be in that race.

"Why wouldn't she be? You've always looked better than her, even with all her designer clothes, bags, and face full of makeup. You're nicer. And let's not forget the fact that you were the only one Damon was ever serious with."

I'm not sure if she was trying to cheer me up, but inadvertently, she had caused me to feel a more pungent guilt. Have I really put such a dent in his life? Lizzy and him had seemed perfectly fine when they were on his doorsteps. Whatever the reason was that he couldn't move on, surely had nothing to do with me.

"It doesn't matter, anyways. I've never stood between her and Damon, and I very well couldn't force him to like her or not." I might be guilty of a few things, but that, I am not. "So, back to you and Cam."

The way Lila's eyes just light up every time I mention his name sends jitters to my gut. I love seeing her happy, and I haven't seen her like this, well, since high school. They were a love story that never should have ended.

"Well, Cam did ask me out. He's single now. Just got out of a bad relationship, he says." She's smiling from ear to ear, and for the first time ever, her cheeks are slightly flushed against her bronze skin. "He said there's a certain type of way I make him feel that he can't feel with anyone else."

"Lila," I coo, wrapping my arm around hers. "Oh my god, you're going to start dating Cam again!"

She leans her head on top of mine. "Can you believe it? It's like high school all over again. But we're adults now, Rain, and the choices we make now will have a deeper impact than they did back then. It's kind of scary when you think about it."

It is scary, but at eighteen, I had to make a choice that affected multiple lives. Five years later, I'm faced with the same dilemma, and according to Lila, this decision is much more severe than it was when we were absentminded teenagers. And in every way, she is absolutely correct. This decision will alter the course of the rest of our lives.