Forever Rain

Chapter 14

Rain

What am I going to do? I let this happen. Never did I imagine that this would happen to me, but it did, and I take complete responsibility for it. I'm freaking out, unsure of how my choices will affect me now.

"You have to tell him, Rain. No matter what you decide, you have to tell him."

We're in Lila's room, and I have been pacing back and forth for the past two hours. I have gone over every option, but it just seems that no matter the road I choose, it will lead to catastrophe.

After being nauseous for weeks, vomiting after Lila's graduation dinner, and being late for my period, she had convinced me to take a pregnancy test. It was supposed to be highly unlikely, because we used protection every time we had sex. But with the glaring positive sign staring back at me, the unimaginable proved to be reality.

My mind had been a scrambling mess, unable to catalogue the aftermath that will result from this. It had all started from me fighting against becoming a statistic of a broken heart, and now, I have become a statistic of a broken home. As if the stereotypes weren't stacked high enough against me, teenage pregnancy is topping it off.

"I don't even know if I should keep it Lila. And if I decide not to keep it, why even involve Damon?"

I am a few weeks away from leaving for Duke, and how am I supposed to live in a dorm with a baby, which is not even allowed? I can't afford my own housing, being that room and board was part of my full-ride scholarship. I would have to get a full-time job just to be able to afford housing, and then there's the fact that I have an entire other being to care for.

"But don't you think he should have a say in it?" Lila had been just as worried as me, doing as much research as she can on what having a baby would mean towards my scholarship, towards my life.

"You think he wants a baby at eighteen-years-old? Lila, you should have seen how his dad looked at me that day, accusing me of being with Damon for money. I mean, in my entire life, I have never felt so degraded." Just the remembrance of that day sends rage through my neurons. "How can I bring a baby into a world where everything is so hectic? It deserves a better chance at a good life, and that's not something I can provide right now."

"But that wasn't Damon, Rain." She gets off the bed and approaches me, halting my pacing. "Damon's feelings for you have always been real. Give him a chance to do the right thing."

How did my best friend become so perceptive about life? As much as I want to disagree, I know she's right. I have to tell him, because this baby is as much his as it is mine, and I can't deprive him of the ultimate decision. But if he decides that he wants nothing to do with it, then I can be free to make my own choice. Yet, the thought of him wanting nothing to do with my pregnancy brings a pungent sorrow through my chest.

How did I let this happen? We were being so safe, and somehow, it happened to us. This is my punishment. The world told me to stay in my lane, to know my place in this town, but I dared to climb, dared to dream of a brief moment of satisfaction. Look where it led me.

It would be much easier to abort this fetus and move on with my life, as if none of it had happened. Damon doesn't have to get involved, his life doesn't need to be affected by all this. It would be the best possible decision for everyone. "Lila?" I look at her bashfully.

"Come on. I'll drive," she says with no judgement.

☂☂☂

"I can't do this Lila. I just can't. He wanted to work things out, he wanted to make our relationship work. But I turned him down. And now I'm just going to come running back?"