LETTER TO MY LOVE

2nd one - The way I am when I am home

Dear you,

Just yesterday morning we were having this very serious deep discussion, I was complaining that I think things are going according to you. Which wasn't fair of me and I know that now. When you took a break from your hectic schedule I was there because I wanted to but when I took a break from my schedule this week I thought you would be there too and you were but just not in the way I wanted.

Now, this is something which I will probably never be able to explain to anyone but I missed you. It was like you are right in front of me but you were still not here. I know I am complaining about these random things a lot but you have to understand that I am complaining only because I expect things from you now. I expect you to listen when I say that things are not going the way want to. You know that we both have been talking for 2 years now more or less, but you have never seen me complaining about anything because these are the things I only complain to people whom I think are gonna be there even when I am being irrational or I am being not fair. The way I have fought with you,  the way I have tried explaining my feelings to you these past couple of days it's the way I am when I am with my family.  My family is the people I have grown up in front of. I know they are gonna be there with me standing right beside me in sickness and in health. I agree they are not the best people in the world but at the end of the day, they are the ones who have made me into this beautiful girl I have become today.

You were starting to have that space in my life. I remember telling you that when I am in a family function it's like there is a line of people whom I have to deal with, but you .. in my head you were never in that line . " someone I have to deal with" no, you were someone standing right beside me helping me deal with them. I thought that I have got that. But here's a thing being moody with you, and fighting nonsense with you have made me realize that you are not there yet neither am I. Don't get me wrong you are someone with whom I would like to spend a very long time of my life. You are a very important part of my life, but I have seen you judge me, criticize me, making me feel that whatever I am thinking is crazy.  I agree it was crazy but making me feel that ... that too when you know these days are not good. I am trying to cope with the new life of books, closed rooms, and being alone with myself. So yeah we can say that I am gonna hold on to my feeling for now. Not show you my crazy part I guess. We both are not there yet. 

But you did surprise me with the small things you did,  yesterday when I said that today is gonna be a light day, you were there with me, having lunch together, having dinner together, trying to stay awake on the meet when Cleary you were so sleepy. You had a long day with your work, my fight, and losing your phone, but you were still there. What else can a girl ask for? I still cannot believe that you mailed me saying that you lost your phone and a link to join the meet with it. We could have easily skipped that conversation.  Not only that we could have easily not talked to each other for days because you still don't have your phone but not only yesterday again today I just had a meet with you doing random shit in front of you. I got a little nervous coz you were not wearing your earphones and your friend was listening to our conversation, yeah the bad joke out of nervousness. I think we can move past that.

What else can a girl ask for if her man is taking care of her, thinking about her, and letting her know things in all circumstances so that she doesn't think much? You have never switched off your phone in years I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have the information that you have lost the phone and you are safe. Thank you for letting me know. 

Your sunshine