LETTER TO MY LOVE

5th one - I talk too much!

Dear you,

Today I gifted you those flowers and chocolates. I saw your face when those came to your door. Your friend was sitting right there and you were not able to control that blush of yours. I have to say that was the most beautiful shade I saw on your face . You were so happy to see those. Gifting roses to boys is one of the most underrated things of all. Seeing you happy, made me so happy. The smile your face had. if that is how it's gonna feel after gifting flowers, then I am gonna do this more often. Even more than usual, you have to get used to this feeling of receiving flowers I am telling you. 

I started this letter when I gave you the gift. We both were so happy about that. So much has happened since then. You came back, we spent time together - very good two days, you left again and here we are. Today I am finally writing this letter more like completing this letter because the past couple of days have not been very good. I think writing things will help me let go and concentrate on my studies. 

Yeah we have talked and yes we both have given time to each other but ... there's always a but. But you and I both know that things have not been good.  I have so many questions I want to ask you like when we both know that we made some mistakes and I tried talking to you when you completely shut me off, now when I am shutting you off, pushing you away why aren't you trying? Have you given up on us ? or have you given up on me? I don't understand you boi. One day you are all cute and everything, and the very next day you are being a total jerk to me. What flips in you just in one day? Do you understand that your moods affect me as well? Now you are not alone in this if one of us has a bad mood then the other has to lift it up and if we both have a bad mood then we both just try to be there for each other. Now when I am feeling the same you felt a couple of days ago - when you were feeling what you were feeling I was there with you, Why aren't you here bugging me off, trying to make me feel good?

If you think you are trying to give me space then probably you don't understand me at all. You should have known by now that I am not that person with whom you have a fight and then just leave - in the hopes that everything will be alright. For me talking about things work and you should have known that by now. I have so many complaints about you and still not a word comes out of my mouth when I talk to you. 

You made me feel like I talked too much, You made me feel like I was excited about stupid things in life, and You made me feel like I was a fool trying to make up your mood. Yesterday when we were talking I told you the same things and what did you do .. you picked up your phone and started setting up your alarms for today. Now if this is not you making me feel like not wanted, ignored, or stupid for talking about my feelings then what is?

I know you are a busy man but I don't think you understand that I am busy too. When my day starts at 6 in the morning and ends at 9 my brain is too exhausted to fight with you. At that time all I want is to have you around me, A tight hug maybe. A Simple " I am here and everything is gonna be okay ". We both are trying. When I need your attention I straight away say it, when I want you to just listen I say it, How was I supposed to know that you just want me to listen without you telling me this? 

You said I made you feel like I don't listen to you, Dude every night when I can sleep after a long fucking day of studying probably 8 hours - 10 hours a day, I get up from my bed and talk to you. I am not complaining about this, I like talking to you- all I am trying to tell you is that you are important and maybe I don't say it enough. I am still in awe that it was so easy for you to say that you are tired the other day. You must have had a long day or a long week but it is hard for me to believe that you were tired of that one phone call for which we both wait the whole day. This makes me feel like I am asking for way too much out of our relationship. At this point I don't want to talk to you, my stupid heart it still calms down when I hear your voice. When I hear you talk about your day it makes me feel like yes you are talking to me, I am here for you, I don't know how to make you feel important other than being here every time you call. One day you make me believe that I am the most important person in your life and the other day you shut me off completely. How the fuck am I going to understand that?

Maybe I am the one who is thinking too much but right now, I believe it would have been much better if you were just some other boi to me. I will never regret the time we spent together because it was something that made me the happiest, it was something I wanted. I don't know what I am doing right or wrong but today I regret the day we decided that we wanted to be together. We cannot control with whom to fall in love but we can control our decision whether to keep that love in our life or to let go and move on. " Can I have my heart back, please ?".

Maybe you were right a year ago when you said that we should stop talking, I should have listened to you. But then when have I ever listened, the only thing I know is to talk.

You are an engineer right, make a time machine, go back in time and make me not fall in love with you. 

I know that I am not gonna feel like this for very long and things that have stuck in my mind, I will let go of eventually but right now this is what I feel. 

Me

P.S.- Being in love is the most beautiful feeling in the world, to the people who do not have this in their lives trust me you don't want this.