Rushing River: a Wolf Shifting Journal

Memories

I said that I probably always was destined to be a wolf shifter since I have such a long history with wolves, but I didn't go into as much detail as I would've liked.

At the age of like 8, I tried to convince my friends to do those stupid cringeworthy werewolf spells you find on SpellsOfMagic. Obviously, they didn't work. One of my friends actually got into an argument with me. She thought that if I kept doing them, I'd eventually transform and never be able to turn back (ah kid logic, if only it was that easy). All I remember thinking when she told me that was "isn't that the best part though?"

Around the same time, I used to open my windows at night so I could hear the coyotes howling. Sometimes I'd try to howl with them, which my parents obviously didn't appreciate much.

I also had a friend kick my tooth out once because of my wolf thing. We took some weird personality test that told you what animal you were. I got a wolf, and I think she got a snake or something. I kept going on & on about how wolves were superior to snakes, we started fighting each other, and she ended up kicking me in the face so hard my tooth came out! That was only like my third baby tooth I ever lost, too, since I didn't start losing teeth until 9-ish lmao

I remember discovering I was a therian (I had to have only been like 11 or 12) was one of the most happy moments of my life. It was like being told "hey, there's a reason you feel like a wolf, you're not crazy!" and for a long time therianthropy was my #1 interest.

After discovering I was a therian, I used to have extreme phantom, sensory, and mental shifts as well. My head pretty much always felt like I had pointed ears, and I used to actually get annoyed with the feeling of a phantom tail. Sensory shifts were the worst. My mom thought I was going crazy one time because I kept insisting the house smelled like dead mouse. She couldn't smell it until it started rotting even more, and oh my god, it was terrible. I actually enjoyed mental shifts a lot, though, since they let me feel the most like a wolf.

I actually still get most types of shifts to this day, except not as strong since I tried so hard to suppress them due to embarrassment as I got older. I still feel the wolf ears & tail a lot, although I'm better at ignoring them. Sensory shifts are rare now, but still annoying. I actually had a full mental shift for the first time in years earlier during the day that I'm writing this! I think this means that my shifts are going to become strong again since I'm no longer suppressing anything ^^

There's a lot more I could write about, but I don't have much time right now. I write on my phone, but my boyfriend uses it sometimes because our phones look almost the same and we don't really keep secrets anyway. My involvement in the mythical community is the only secret I keep from him, so I only write when he's out. When he's home I'm logged out. I'll try to write more tomorrow though!

- River