↳ Mara's parents were born in Marley, but Mara was born within the walls. She knew a lot of things about the world beyond the walls, one of them being that Titan Shifters were at fault for the fall of Wall Maria. The cause of so many deaths, includi...
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Chapter thirty: Stohess District
Mara's pov:
We can hear the voices from inside the still carriage. They sound like they're arguing, I already know it's Erwin and the commander of the Military Police branch. We had anticipated this, but it still didn't feel right.
Nothing had felt right for the last two days, if I was honest. Everything had felt a distant dream, hazy memories and thrown together conversations. I wasn't idiotic enough to hope everything would just disappear so that I wouldn't have to deal with it, but some part of me, strangely and stpuidly, wished anyway. I damned that part of me for providing snippets of afternoons spent soaking up the sun with Annie, time spent galloping through flower fields and nights curled up to her side.
Why? I asked myself; why had it had to turn out like this?
I glanced up from my lap to sneak a look at Jean. He was restless, itching to go join the fight against the Female Titan. We already knew she had shifted into a titan thanks to the explosions we'd heard and flashing lightning we'd seen earlier. But Jean, he was sick of acting as Eren, he just wanted to go help our friends. His tongue kept darting over his lips, he kept glancing out the window, tapping his fingers against the fabric of the seat padding, fiddling with the cuff of his sleeves. Everything I could think of that people do when they're anxious or restless, Jean was doing. And I couldn't stand it. I knew he wanted to be out there fighting alongside his comrades as much as they needed him too, but he knew he couldn't without disrupting the plan.
Finally, Jean's eyes met mine, saying the words he couldn't voice; tell me I can go fight.
I wasn't sure why he needed my permission – maybe it was so he wouldn't feel like he had betrayed my trust when he fought Annie. But I knew that he wouldn't go if I told him no, because I was older, and he looked up to me. And so did everyone else, I realised. That was the problem. I was never going to be able to live up to their expectations, they would look up to me for advice or guidance, and I would lead them down the wrong path.
I licked my own lips in an attempt to stop them from drying and chapping. I swallowed nervously.
Tell him to go help, it's the right thing to do...
I inhaled sharply before giving him a shallow nod – but that was all he needed. In less than a split second Jean had grabbed his Scouts cloak and opened the carriage door. He was gone before I could move, but I immediately heard the Military Police officer guarding outside exclaiming: "Wait! Don't move, Jaeger!"
I let out a heavy sigh, finally having a moment to carefully piece my sanity back together. It only took me a second, but by the time I had joined Jean by the carriage exit, he had already thrown off his wig and ran to stand by Commander Erwin and Captain Levi.
