Bringin' on the Heartbreak

13

As more time passes by, I'm getting more stressed and anxious over little things. I try to keep a clean home but being the mother of a newborn and having a working fiancé is tough. Even the slightest thing out of place drives me up the wall. Luckily, Sav picks up after himself.

Georgia found me the number of a therapist who specializes in young mothers of newborns. The number has just been sitting on my notepad, uncalled. It's a big leap to take that I know I need to, but it's just so hard. Especially with five million things running through my head.

Sav has gone back to work with the band as they're writing their next album. It's been tough not having him here to make sure that I don't cry myself into a downward spiral, but we've survived. What I really don't enjoy is how tired he's been after coming home from a writing session. Some nights he's been so tired he has just gone to bed.

Tapping my nails against the counter nervously, I look at the number written in front of me. I guess I should do this for everyone's sake. Sighing, I dial the number and await a response.

"Lorna Veal Counseling. This is Felicia." A voice rang at the other end of the line.

"Hi, my name is Emma Crane. I'd like to schedule an appointment with Dr. Veal."

"Hi, the next opening we have available is for next Thursday at 10am. Is that alright?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Okay, great. We will have some paperwork for you to fill out when you arrive so make sure you bring all the important personal information."

—

After the conversation ended, I just stood in the kitchen looking out the window for a moment. I'm mentally beating myself up for going to therapy but I'm also proud of myself for admitting there's a problem.

Interrupting me from my thoughts, Sav walks into the kitchen, happier today than he's been in weeks. He's humming and has an extra pep in his step, actually giving me more than a couple words this time. Turning to face him, I question "What's got you in such a good mood?"

"We finally finished writing the album. Now we just have to record, figure out the cover and all that. The worst part is now over and we're one step closer. This is going to be a good one." He smiles at me, raising his hands while he speaks.

"That's amazing!" I try to muster up a smile.

Of course, being Sav, he knows something's up.

"I know that look. What's going on up there in that head of yours?" He comes up beside me and pushed a strand of hair out of my face, rubbing his hands along my sides. He looked at me with those pleading blue eyes that don't allow me to lie to him. He continued to hold me while I tried to form a proper sentence to answer him.

"I've just made an appointment to speak to someone about my... my issues." I look away from him and to the floor briefly.

"That's good. That will be good for you." His hand brings my face up to meet his eyes again.

"I'm just so ashamed. No one told me that becoming a mother would be so draining." I cringe at the words that come out of my mouth but I meant them. I glance down at his hand that hasn't left from under my chin.

"You're doing an amazing job. Everything will be okay and the storm will blow over soon. No one blames you for how you've been feeling lately, love." He says, giving me a soft kiss. His mouth lingers over mine for a moment, briefly giving me a taste of the intimacy I've been craving. Almost on cue, Declan's baby monitor emits the sounds of him screaming for us. Chuckling against my face, Sav pulls away from me. I groan as I grab the bottle I made for him and start to head upstairs. My own child, the cockblocker.

"I've got him. You go on and get ready for bed." He says, kissing my temple and taking the bottle from me.

He walks in the nursery and flashes Declan his big, goofy grin. "How's daddy's boy?" He says, picking him up and sitting down in the rocking chair next to his crib. My ovaries are exploding while watching this little exchange.

Leaning up against the door frame, I take in the sight before Sav shoos me away. "Goodnight, mommy." Sav moves Declan's hand to wave at me. I give a small wave to them before I head into the bedroom, hearing the faint sound of Sav singing various lullabies. One of them kind of sounds like an Elton John song, oddly enough. Maybe it's Tiny Dancer? I guess that's what happens when rockstars become parents.

Going into the bathroom first, I observe myself in the mirror, cringing at my appearance. I look like hell as much as I feel like it. My hair is pulled into a messy bun, I have dark marks under my eyes, and it's evident I haven't had a restful night in weeks. My blue eyes are a darker shade than normal. Brushing my teeth and my hair, I collapse immediately into the cotton sheets.

Just as I'm about to slip out of consciousness, I feel the bed dip and the air fills with the familiar musky vanilla scent I love so much.

"Is he okay?" I say, not even turning around out of fear I'd lose my comfort.

"Sleeping like a rock. My lullaby version of Tiny Dancer knocked him right out. " Sav says as he's wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. I feel his chest vibrate with laughter.

"Lucky him." I grumble into the pillow.

"Maybe it's time we take a parent weekend." Sav says in my ear.

"Really? Georgia said she could watch him for us any time."

"I think it would be good for us. We're kind of at a standstill with finishing the album until we can get some of the proper instruments."

"After my appointment, I definitely want to do that. I need to talk to someone about my issues first." I say, feeling him nod against me.

I need to take a break from everything. I need to get more than four hours of sleep at night. I need to be alone with Sav without a screaming newborn so badly it hurts.

—

A/N: thank you for 200 reads ❤️