Purposely accidental

Lacey

             I'm a few days off 40 weeks and I'm so ready to be done with all this. Don't get me wrong, being pregnant is a beautiful thing. It's also painful, tiring, and uncomfortable. I feel lucky that I can still put on my own shoes, not everyone can at this stage. So yay for me! Yep. That's my greatest accomplishment right now. Putting on my own shoes. I'm really so very ready to meet our little man.

I've been suffering from some heartburn which the doctor said should clear up once the baby comes, something about hair or some such. I don't know if I can absorb any more information truly. I just want to meet him so badly. The doctor said I'm travelling well and I could go at anytime. The baby bag has been packed for two weeks and all our paperwork is in there. It's just a waiting game.

Ash and I have tried spicy food and sex to bring on the baby but no dice. I've been walking and bouncing on my exercise ball to keep limber and entice baby to come. It's true what they say. It's just a waiting game and the baby will come when he comes. But have those people been pregnant!?! It's bloody exhausting and hard to breathe as there's no space anywhere inside me. Nate is pushing against my bladder and shoved against my organs. It's not comfortable or pretty to be honest.

Everyone is coming over tonight to watch the football. It will probably be the last time they are here for a few weeks. Ash and I agreed to see people in the hospital but we want two weeks alone once the baby comes. After that we will open up our home to visitors. All our friends and family have been super supportive, even my mum, who was hesitant at first. They've all had a flu jab and whooping cough booster which is great. Makes it a bit less stressful for us knowing our friends want to protect our baby as much as they can.

Jules and Tommy are the first to arrive and are still going strong. I can literally see hearts in their eyes when they look at eachother, which is beautiful. They both hug me and I can't help but flash a grin.

"I've missed you!" Jules slaps me gently and I laugh.

"I saw you yesterday..." I mutter, rolling my eyes.

"You know she just wants her nephew here right?" Tommy adds.

"Yeah, she's not the only one wanting him out. I'm serving the eviction notice right now!"

We all laugh at the shit show that is my moods right now. Soon after, Rick, Manny, Suzie and Sarah arrive. They enquire about Ash and I let them know he's picking up the food and drinks. Is it strange to miss someone in such a short time. Since therapy, which I'm still maintaining, I have been feeling much more centred, more real. Yeah I still have difficult nights, but instead of pushing Ash away, I bring him closer to me now.

It's been so good for us. I don't know why I thought shutting down was the better option. Self preservation I guess, but I'm glad we are back to communicating properly. Ash dotes on me honestly and sometimes he's just always underfoot which can be frustrating this far along in my pregnancy. But then I breathe and remember he wants to help, he's trying to ease my burdens and I'm so darn lucky!

Who can say without a doubt that their partner would do absolutely anything for them? Well mine does. He does the late night M&M McFlurry runs to maccas and makes me fresh juice whenever I crave it. He rubs my feet, my back and he loves our baby so much already. I know they say dads don't become dads until the babies are born, whilst mums feel the connection straight away because we carry them, but my god does he connect with our baby. Nate knows the sound of his voice and the feel of his hands, he moves more when Ash is around. It's honestly so beautiful.

I can feel the moment Ash walks into our home. My body lights up as I sense his presence. My head whips around and our eyes lock. It's like in those corny movies where everything goes in slow motion. He hands off the food to whatever hands he can find, never once taking his eyes off of me. Striding over to me with love filled eyes, I begin to quiver with excitement. Our lips come together and I feel whole. My words shifts and there's no one here except for Ash and I. I've missed his lips, his touch. I need it like the air I breathe.