I couldn't believe how weird it felt coming back after spring break, something felt like it had changed over that week. All the seniors felt the same, it was in the air. This air of disbelief clouded over all of us, we were all walking around somewhat nervous and somewhat happy. These next few weeks were going to be confusing that's for sure. Yearbook only heightened everyone's emotions; the deadline was today which sent everyone down a sad route.
It affected me and the girls too, which surprised me, we were looking for a picture to include in yearbook. Between us we needed to pick a photo from freshman year that weren't too embarrassing. It took us a while to agree on one mainly because we kept crying and laughing- eventually we chose freshman homecoming because it was the only one we could all agree on. Time has flown by; we were babies in that picture and now we are fully grown and ready for college. Well, me and Jules were, Taylor still had things to figure out.
It seems yearbook had turned all the seniors into crying messes. I've heard several people say, 'time is going too fast, it needs to slow down.' That statement is a hundred percent true. Personally, I was excited for graduation it meant Fin and I no longer had to hide. That would make everything we have done this year completely worth it. Whilst I was excited there was still a small part that was sad this part of my life was ending. I never realised how quick it was ending though; it was now late March and graduation is June- three months is all I have left. It doesn't seem that long and then everything will change. Oh great now I'm becoming one of the crying seniors. It's a good job they let us go early today so I can just go and cry in Fin's apartment.
My thoughts lead me to a great idea, a scrap book on my high school years. It was brilliant way to remember the last four years. When I got into Fin's I set everything up on the living room floor- time to channel my inner arts and crafts master. Everything was going well until I got to the final pages, they were going to be prom, graduation and most importantly about Fin. Fin was my only serious relationship during high school, I had small flings now and then but none ever lasted more than a month- fin and I were now six months strong. Of course he was getting his own page, the others did not deserve it. Prom and graduation I could leave blank for now but the Fin page had to be completed to fully show what high school was like. Over the last six months we have gained so many pictures of the two of us, the question is which ones do I use.
All these memories are saved in a locked folder in my gallery just so no one stumbles across something they shouldn't. if I'm being honest I haven't gone through this properly since valentines and we have made so many new memories since then. I scrolled through those pictures for a while constantly going back and forth between my choices. At some point Fin came home and sat with me, he was curious about what I was up to. Once I explained he told me he wanted to help pick the pictures for our page. Fin even created a little slideshow of all of our pictures and videos, just so we can see our options more clearly. The two of us cuddled up on the couch and let the slideshow play.
"Oh." I interrupt pausing the slideshow, "this one, your birthday picnic."
"I was thinking more this one." He smirks skipping a few photos until it hits one of me skinny dipping in the lake.
"Fin Henry," I scold, "people will see this one day and I will not have them seeing my bare ass."
"But you look so hot."
"no."
"I think it's a perfectly fine choice but whatever you say it's your scrapbook." Picnic picture it is.
It flicks through a few more pictures, each one reminding me of a memory that has been slightly forgotten. "You can't say no to this one." Fin remarks pausing the slideshow. This one is going in I won't argue that one, whilst on our trip to Chicago Fin and my dad bonded very well- I took quite a bit of photographic evidence. I know the photos after this are those after the crash, like directly after. In the midst of the crash photos lay a very smiley, teary photo of us when Fin gave me a key- we were both a bit too emotional, I blamed it on all the pain meds.
"Valentines." We realise at the same time as photos flash on the screen. None of these were chosen from the scrapbook but I decided to print them out anyway, so we can put them up in the bedroom. A video started playing of Fin drinking and dancing around the living room, at some point he started drunkly smiling at me. "Maybe I should stick to my day job." He laughs as the video finishes. New Years is next up the photos from New Years were hard to choose from. We almost gave up but played a very intense game of rock, paper, scissors. The page was finished after one picture from after our first time, that was it our relationship in a page.
My nose was starting to run the more I thought about it, it was getting harder to focus as well. Fin pulled me into him closer, "hey it's okay, everything is okay. We don't need the tears. How am I going to explain the tear marks on the page to their people?" He soothes. "These times were happy not sad, happy times. Come on, wipe your eyes love." He turns my face to his and wipes away the tears from my cheek.
"Sorry, sorry I guess seeing all of this just made me realise how in love with you I am and how high school is almost over for me so I won't see you every day."
"You'll see me every day even in college, I'll call you every night- I mean how am I supposed to sleep in my bed alone again."
"I didn't even think about that, at least you'll only be a train ride away."
"that's all you have to think about, I'm never too far away. That's why you have that necklace. So you know no matter where you are, I'm there also." I was only going to be an hour away yet we were acting as if I was going to be on the other side of the world.
"I can't wait to share with everyone how much I love you." I comment.
"Hmm, I am going to show you off." He smiles, "my mom is ready for your appearance at family Sunday."
"Well I am also excited, maybe I can squeeze some good Fin stories out of your family."
"Oh no they are all sworn to secrecy, no secrets for you."
"I have my ways." I joke.
"My grandma is the one you will have to watch out for, she will talk at you for ages about anything."
"that's what grandmas do."
"Well I wish they didn't." he jokes. "Now are we done with this scrapbook?"
"Done for now." I answer putting the scrapbook on the coffee table.
The two of us start to clean the mess I had made in the last few hours. Once the room is returned to its normal state Fin suggests dinner- he did say no takeout as in his words he has 'dad bod and more Chinese takeout will not help that'. I did tell him it didn't have to be Chinese but he was very adamant on no takeout. Breakfast was the only thing on my mind despite it being almost 4o'clock. Fin didn't turn down the idea when I requested it, he asked no questions and started cooking.
Breakfast in bed at almost five o'clock sums up the type of day it's been. The two us didn't get out of bed after we ate, instead we hit play on a film and lay there for hours. Fin chose some cheesy romance film which I stopped paying attention to after five minutes. All it made me think about were Fin and I going to be okay when I go to college- I know it is hour away but I have heard plenty people say high school relationships don't last. I know what Fin and I have is real and goes way past a high school fling but I still have their doubt niggling away at me.
"Are we going to be okay?" I ask seemingly out of nowhere, "when we finally tell people and when we aren't constantly together. Are we going to be okay?" I elaborate.
"We are going to be so okay if anything our relationship will be so much easier when we can be free. You have nothing to worry about." He assures kissing my head.
"it's just I hear all these things about how high school relationships do not last the test of time."
"To me this is not a high school romance, you are so much more than that to me. If I have to fight for what we have, I am willing to fight for that. I personally believe you are it for me, I don't think any other women will ever come close to you. It's you Bella and nothing will stop us being together or being happy. I promise you we will be okay."
"that's all I needed to hear; I have faith in us too. We are going to make this work." I state laying my head on Fin's chest. No more words are spoken between us for the rest of the night. The two of us sit and enjoy each other's company.
