THE road trip

Chapter 1

"JAJA! YOU DONT NEED YOUR EFFING THONG!" My mom scolded at my gay self from the bottom of the stairs. "YES I DO MOMMY! I NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT!" I scream back at her. She stared at me for a long time. It looked like she just took a egg and shoved it up her butt hole. She closed her eyes for 3.14 seconds and then walk away. I flipped her off and slithered up the wooden stairs.

I started talking to my pet gerbil to make sure that he had his extra pair of thongs washed. He laid there upside down on the fluffy crap I put in there for him. He hasn't moved in like 69 months, but I'm pretty sure he's just taking a long cat nap.

I packed up my 2 suitcases for the road trip my family was going on. I'm bringing 2 suitcases because we are gonna be gone for 8 weeks. We are traveling to nearby states. The bodies in our white van include me, my mom, my dad, and my brother, Jeremie. He is straight. I'm not taking my gerbil, Heroine, because my mom is allergic to him. It sometimes makes me wanna cry that I'm gonna be gone from Heroine for 8 weeks but then I remember that our neighbor, Kylie, is gonna take care of him while we are gone. I also remember he has his own lucky thong.

"JAJA! LET'S GO!" My mom was literally screeching at me. "Okay!" I sassily yelled back at her. When I was sliding down the stairs face first with my suitcases on my back, I noticed she had a paddle in her hand. She was also smiling. I smiled back and then she dropped the paddle immediately and we started loading up our bags and items.

Once we were on the road, Jeremie suddenly vomited up fried shrimp. It smelt really bad so I started licking it up. I eventually ate up all the barf and started listening to music. I turned on my heavy metal rock music and turned it all the way up. My mom and dad were giving me these weird motion signals like thumbs down. I was pretty sure they were just making up weird dance moves like they usually do, so I just ignored them.

Our first stop was Denver, Colorado. We are staying at a ski lodge in the mountains. My mom hates snow so we forced her to go to Denver. Anyways, we checked into our lodge and found our room. The room was actually pretty decent. It had 2 double beds with a nice size bathroom and a porch. We were on the 3rd floor and right above the hot tub.

We decided to go out and go skiing. I put on a swimsuit in case I get wet. Since, you know, it is frozen water. Anyways, we spent the rest of the 420 minutes going skiing. I think I may have gotten hypothermia but it's chill.

We went back to our room and slid the card to open the door. I went inside and walked over to where my suitcase is and noticed it wasn't there. "What the fudge?" I said aloud. "What's the deal banana peel?" My mom asked me. "Where's all of our suitcases?" I replied with confusion. "Ummm, Jerry, where are our suitcases?" My mom asked my dad. "I don't know Jona..." "Well figure it out!" My mom screamed at my dad. My mom is the queen in the family so she talks to everyone like that.

We walked down to the lobby and asked a worker about our problem. He led us to the manager of the lodge. The man was short and obese with black eyeliner covering his eyes and a vape pen in his mouth. My mom interrupted his smoking and asked him why our luggage wasn't there. "Excuse me sir, but do you know where our luggage is? We are in room 666 and we had our luggage in there and then it w-" "It's over there." The manager interrupted my mom without even looking at her. He was pointing at a pile of 4 suitcases in a corner by the dumpster. "Why is-" "Yall got the wrong room Miss." The manager interrupted my mom as he was continuing to vape it up. "What the *-?" My mom started to say until my dad chimed in. "Thank you sir. But where are we supposed to stay?" "Ask the front effing desk. Gah, can't you see I'm busy?" The manager said with a rude tone. "Why yes sir. I'm truly sorry. " My dad said back to him. My dad -as you can see- is way nicer than my mom. He had to forcefully pull my mom back away from the manager while white foam was pouring out of her mouth. That usually happens when she gets ticked off.

We made our way to the front desk with our smelly luggage. "Pardon, Miss." My dad pauses for a second while he reads the lady's name tag. "Marie Juana." "What do you want?" Marie says in a raspy voice. My dad told Marie the story and she had the same, blank face the entire time. "What's your name?" Marie asked my dad. "Jerry McCharles." My dad answered back confidently. "Ah, you had the wrong room and another family needed to stay in there. Let me get someone to show you your new room." "Thank you ma'am." My dad said politely to Marie. "Yeah." Marie answered back and rolled her eyes.

An attractive doorman led us to our new room. It was in a separate, one story building that I didn't notice was there when we pulled in earlier. It was built out of rotted bricks. The attractive doorman took out a key to our new room and unlocked it. The door opened and I peered inside. My mouth dropped open.

"What the-"