Fog of the Heart

Chapter Thirty-Six

Ash sat on the edge of the bed as Alexis continued to sleep. She was whimpering and muttering. Ash brushed some of her hair out of her face wishing that he could take whatever dreams she was having away. Eiji walked in with the first-aid kit and placed it on the nightstand. He then opened it and grabbed a cotton ball dabbing it with alcohol and started tending to Ash's wounds. He hissed, feeling the stinging. "Sorry, did it hurt?" Eiji asked him worriedly. "Damn right it did." he muttered. "I don't know about you, but I have a delicate body." Ash looked away. "It really hurts if you do it all sloppy like that." Eiji looked at him, annoyed. He should have hurt his mouth instead, he thought as he reached out and dabbed at him again. "Well, sorry about that. I'm a sloppy Japanese and can't do better." he muttered.

Alexis opened her eyes as she listened to the two of them banter together. Eiji grabbed the bandages and instead of just bandaging up the areas that needed them, he ended up wapping all of Ash up loosely, then stormed out of the room. Alexis giggled slightly as she looked at her brother who had a look of confusion on his face and sat up, just as Eiji poked his head back in. "Would the delicate American like a sandwich made by the sloppy Japanese?" he asked, then saw Alexis as she fixed her brother's bandages. "Would you like a sandwich too?" She smiled at him and nodded as Ash looked over at him. "As long as there are no fingers in it." he muttered. Alexis whacked him gently over the head as Eiji ended up giving Ash the finger, in which Ash did the same, then they all laughed together.

*******

Ash sat up in bed, after having a nightmare. He was trying to catch his breath, trying to calm down. "Nightmare?" he heard his sister whisper to him, as he looked over at Eiji in the bed beside theirs, still sleeping. Ash ran his fingers through his hair as he swung his legs over the side of his bed. "Yeah. Go back to sleep, Alexis." he whispered as he stood up and quietly walked out of the room. He walked into the bathroom and splashed water on his face, noticing his hands were shaking. He looked into the mirror and gasped as he saw Eiji standing there behind him. "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly. "Alexis told me you were in here." Ash sighed and walked past Eiji out of the bathroom, back to the bedroom.

Alexis looked up at the boys when they came in and put her sketchbook down, then climbed out of bed. "Do you guys want some hot chocolate?" she asked them. Eiji nodded and she looked at Ash worriedly. When he never responded, she smiled and gently squeezed his hand. She knew he was struggling with the inner demons. She was too. "Alright. I'll go make some." Alexis said softly and walked out. Ash walked over to the bed and sat down, picking up Alexis' sketchbook looking at her sketch. It made him sad, tugged at his heart. She was sketching a picture of the four of them. Eiji, Ash, Alexis and of course, Shorter.

He sighed sadly. "I tried to forget. Former prostitute, gang leader and murderer, and I still get shakened up." he said softly as Eiji sat down next to him. "Don't say that about yourself, Ash." Ash looked at him with sadness in his eyes. "I was eight, when I first killed a man." he looked down at the ground. "I was raped. I protected Alexis because he was going to rape her." he said quietly, as the tears fell. "I was terrified, so scared, but I knew I had to get through it for her. Then it kept happening. Over and over again. I couldn't find my voice. My heart was screaming for help, but I couldn't let out a single cry. When I shot him, I cried. I cried because I felt nothing."

Ash looked down at his hands. "I'm scared of myself.." he whispered, as his body started to tremble. "I killed Shorter.." he cried, as the teardrops fell on to his hands. "I don't know how much blood is on my hands..and now I worry about Alexis because her hands are covered in blood now too." Eiji sat there listening to Ash the whole time feeling sad for his friend. "I don't feel anything. Nothing.." Eiji remained silent as he listened to Ash sobbing, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Ash," he said gently, rubbing his back. "It's okay. Calm down. You do feel. You're hurt. Really hurt."

Eiji held Ash tightly, close to him. "I can tell. You and Alexis and even Shorter saved me. If you feel responsible, the same goes for me." Ash looked up at Eiji, tears still running down his face, surprised. "My words might not mean anything now, but just remember one thing." Eiji looked directly at Ash. "Even if the world turns on you, I will always be on your side." Ash, surprised at his words, could feel his heart beating in his chest. Eiji smiled warmly at him. "I'll stay by your side, that is, if you don't mind." Tears welled up in his eyes again.

Alexis stood outside the door, holding the mugs, listening. She too was crying softly as she listened to the conversation. She knew Ash was in pain, just never really realized just how much pain he was in and he opened himself up to Eiji. Ash smiled sadly as he wiped the tears away from his eyes. "Does that mean I have to keep eating those nasty sandwiches?" he asked, smirking at Eiji. He smiled back. "That's right. Lucky you. Tofu sandwiches are good for you." he said and grinned at Ash. "Your health is safe in my hands."

Ash smiled slightly again, then leaned over onto Eiji's lap, trembling slightly. "Stay by my side." he said, his voice barely above a whisper as he softly cried again. "It doesn't have to be forever. I'm happy even if it's  just for now." Eiji sighed happily as he placed a hand on his shoulders, rubbing his back. Alexis, still watching them, carefully wiped her tears away without spilling the hot chocolate, which was now cold, and walked back to the kitchen quietly. She placed the mugs down on the counter, then walked over to the sofa and sat down, trying to hug her knees, but her baby bump was in the way, so she just layed down wrapping the blanket around her, rubbing her stomach gently and she cried silently.

*********

Ash awoke and saw Eiji sound asleep next to him, his head on his stomach, his arm draped over Ash, snuggling him. He smiled as he sat up slowly, trying not to wake him up. He looked beside him and didn't see his sister, then looked over at the other bed to find it empty. He sighed as he wiggled out from underneath Eiji. He stretched, then quietly left the bedroom walking towards the living room feeling worried. He breathed a sigh of relief, seeing her curled up on the sofa, her arm dangling over the edge and he looked down, seeing Shorter's sunglasses on the ground by her hand. He picked them up, placed them on the table and pulled the blanket over her again and then went into the kitchen to make coffee.

Alexis woke up to the smell of the coffee and sat up, just as Ash placed a mug of coffee down on the table in front of her. "Sorry." he apologised to her as he sat down next to her. She quickly shook her head and looked up at him. "I..I'm sorry Ash..I didn't know..or remember..I'm sorry.." she whispered, then wrapped her arms around him hugging him. "Thank you..for protecting me.." Ash wrapped his arms around her and soothed her. "How are you feeling?" he asked her. Alexis looked up at him. "I'm okay..my heart still hurts though..will the pain ever go away?" she asked him. Ash shook his head. "No..I don't think it will.." he said, looking sadly at her. She quickly wiped her eyes and bit her lip. "I'm glad Eiji takes your pain away Ash..I think you and him would make a cute couple." she said, then smiled.

Ash blushed feeling his heart pound in his chest. "What are you talking about?" he muttered. "We could never be a couple. Not the way my life is. It's not safe for him. Not with Dino and Arthur." Alexis shivered at their names and she looked down at her stomach feeling the flutters. They were moving inside her. She smiled slightly. "They're moving Ash.." she whispered to him, grabbing his hand and placing it on the spot. "Feel them?" Ash looked at her in amazement. "That's so cool." he whispered, smiling slightly. "Shorter would have been one proud dad." Tears formed in her eyes again as she nodded. "I have a plan on what's going to happen next." Ash muttered. "You do?" Alexis asked, looking up at him. Ash smirked. "Yup. I need you to hack Dino's accounts." he said. Alexis looked at him and shook her head. Hacking was one thing, but hacking into Papa's account? That was suicide. "I have his password. We just have to take the money and transfer it." he reassured her. "Okay.." she said slowly as her brother kissed the top of her head.